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Great News If You Persevere!

steptoateengirl's picture

Submitted by steptoateengirl on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 2:09am

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Adult Stepchildren

I met my stepdaughter when she was 1. She is now 20. Frrom 16-19, she hated my guts. No understandable reason why, except that I was not filled with divorced dad's guilt and tried to put my foot down when I could. I finally gave up and went my own way with my two young ones, but I tried to treat her with the same firm love that I give my little ones and that I gave her when she was little. Years later, I get lots of thanks, and you were rights and total consideration. I think it is NORMAL for teenagers to rebel against who they can. But, the good news is that, despite my hurt feelings at the time, I did not ever say anything to her that I regret and I always told her I loved her and would be there for her. I am proud, and it took years, but perseverance and kindness will ultimately pay off. Hang in there everybody!

Red-headed_Stepmom's picture

Submitted by Red-headed_Stepmom on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 7:24am

"I think it is NORMAL for teenagers to rebel against who they can."

You are right, step children and bio children all go through teenage rebellion. And most of the time, given firm boundaries and love, and without outside forces pulling against them, they will see the wisdom. Unfortunately, there are times that it never works.

Good job and congratulations steptoateengirl!

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 1:01pm

Yes, it is normal for teens to rebel and act out. What is NOT normal is a parent allowing that behavior and by their permissiveness condoning it.

That being said, good for you Steptoateen, and congrats on surviving those teen years and having a good relationship later on.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 1:11pm

I think that all parents regardless of the prefix (bio, step, etc....) experience this at some level.

I remember the crap I put my parents through and they have managed to stay married for 48yrs (and counting).

Congrats on raising a SD that made it to viable adulthood..... Mom!

Best regards.

driven to tears's picture

Submitted by driven to tears on Sun, 07/25/2010 - 1:29am

I have come to the conclusion that For most of us stepmoms, we won't get any real appreciation or recognition for our efforts. I have spent too much energy and emotions on people that don't and won't care. I have made the decision to focus on the people that need me and do love me and appreciate me because they are the ones who will be there in the end. We all need people who fill us up-esp. moms-it's so hard to just run on empty until you can't go anymore.Do not cast your pearls to swine...