Glad it’s over
Forums:
DH and I spent a quiet day yesterday. While I wasn't sad, I wasn't exuberant either. Christmas has became a personal day of reflection for me.
My sons FaceTimed with us through my DH actually. They get along. The SD that always tell DH to say hello to me? Nothing. Not that I've ever gotten a merry Christmas text from her. DH FaceTimed with all his daughters Xmas eve. No contact yesterday. I'm not counting on her visiting anytime soon. So far she has not set foot in the house for two years. We've had to go to her or she's more than happy to go to vacation home in the summer.
Gotta add
That DH is always trying to force me to participate in his FaceTimes with his daughters. Xmas eve was no exception. He always mentions me while he is talking to them and then this time he actually left the room he was in to ask me a question in front of them. I answered him and then walked out of the room. The SDs didn't acknowledge me or me them either. It was awkward and I've asked DH to stop pulling stunts like that. To what end?
Quiet holidays are good
Quiet holidays are good holidays! Glad there was no interference.
I'm glad it's over too. I
I'm glad it's over too. I just packed up all the Christmas stuff and put it away. Little Idiot came down and asked me why I put it away so soon. Because it's over, I'm glad, and now I just have to survive three more days until peace returns to my house.
So sad!
I hate reading all these posts about people not enjoying the holidays anymore because of step-life! Truly I hope it is not this way for anyone all year and there are some amazing partner qualities that keep you with them... Cliche, but really life is just too short to be unhappy, annoyed and bothered all the time!
I'm thankful I noped tf outta step-life the moment I realized change would never happen; it would never get any better. The 2 Christmas seasons I did spend in it were terrible (and I am a Christmas person!). Progressively worse (and it was only 2!). I left in May (after formerSO's kid was out of school for one week). Funny, when I left formerSO complained that I "even took the tree" and what was "he going to do for his kid for Christmas". I had bought the tree. And we had an "ours" baby.... but somehow he was more worried about HIS (would be at next Christmas) 14yr old a-hole. Like I ruined any further Christmas seasons by taking the tree *I* bought!
Adult SD commenting on our relationship
My OH daughter (23) lives with us and our 2 young children. I find her being there adds to the stress of an already pressured life. She never helps with anything, expects everyone to drop things when she needs and arrives in a room expecting conversations to be started about her without asking questions in response. I could raise the times my OH and I have agreed things will change (like before we moved into OUR home rather than when I lived in THEIR home). OH behaviour never changes. He doesn't want to upset her. I can be upset and say how important something is to me - that's fine. It's just everyone else who he doesn't want to upset and rock the boat.
on Christmas Day we were disagreeing and she walked into the room saying in a really patronising tone, 'are you bickering again?'. This isn't the first time she's also commented how she's 'our counsellor' in the past. She has such a distorted view of herself. I tried to explain to OH that it's not ok to comment on someone else's relationship. He just thought it was fine and apparently the kind of things he'd say. He's not going to say anything unless I can explain why it's a problem.
We can't actually talk because she's around all the time and there's no privacy. She also reports back to her mum which adds to another level of emotion. My OH just can't see it.
I've just had covid. When I was feeling rough and had just tested positive . SD was at work. She then kept going on at her Dad to bring a test to her work rather than going to the shops herself in a break/lunch. So he left and I was looking after both kids just because she'd snapped her fingers. Everything revolves around her. Again when I raised it OH can't see the prob. She needed something.
It breaks my heart to think of my children not living with their Dad but how long do you stay in a relationship where the SD and OH make decisions and you're dismissed. Financially I also feel trapped as all my savings bought our house and paid for my maternity leaves so I have no money to access.
What have your experiences been?
Greetings and Welcome to steptalk
Im glad you are here and sad that you are here. I reccomend creating a separate Blog post or forum topic, so that you can get the support and suggestions it sounds like you are in immense need of. Sometimes comments can get buried. If you need assistance anyone of us can help.
As to my advice: I have a lot and it may sound extreme, but you sound like you are at the end of your rope.
1. SD that lives with you is the standard brand of mini-wife. Look that up, it will help you understand and problem-solve, and at least with understanding you can make informed decisions. You are the mistress and she is the main woman in your non-partners llife. Your chidren are less than. Unless your non-partner desires a change, it will never be any different and might/probably will get worse and your children could start to resent you.
2. Get thee some legal advice. You have more power than you might think. Dont tell anyone. Find out what your options are, get a job and start saving your money in a separate bank account. I do know of women that stay in sham partnerships for the benefit of the children, but I dont think this is healthy, and your SD is a more extreme form of mini-wife. Also, make certain that if you continue being intimate you use protection so no more babies happen.
3. You should get angry enough that you rain holy heck on this failed father and failed partner. He needs to be more afraid of making you mad than anyone. Child support would help you in the power imbalance. which reverts back to legal assistance. Get your options and then you can line things up.
Take care of YOU and Littles. Do you have family support anywhere?
3. The power balance... you
3. The power balance... you are so right. I never imagined how appreciated and empowered I became when I came into a small fortune this past year. Unfortunately I invested a lot of it with him and I'll probably be the loser come the divorce. That said, I thought long and hard before I did it and promised myself that I wouldn't regret it come what may.