Future stepdaughters
Hi everyone,
Well was in IN for my boyfriends 26 year old son's wedding who I get along with wonderfully along with his new wife but the 21 year old twin daughters that expect dad to do everything for them were out of control, I received a corsage to match my dress and was included in pictures, they were saying I didn't belong there.BM was not there has she has no relationship with son or his kids. Does anyone know of any books that will help in teaching him(dad) to make them more responsible. and to respect people, 21 and throwing tantrums, what a joke. Oh and when I caught the bouquet and he said we would go get married at sunset on the beach Looks could kill said they wouldn't go (sounds good to me!!). He has been divorced for 5 years and separated for 10yrs. I have a problem with give me give me, my kids work for their spending money. and go to college full time. I feel like I can not marry him in this situation, causes problems so I feel like I am being a Bitch.!!! bf just doesn't like confrontation but they are out of control and something needs to happen. So I thought if He could read something, has the other kids telling him even say no and stick to something!!! HELP!!!
Absolutely Correct
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
I was sickened at how some parents use these children as "emotional crutches" out of guilt....believe me, as a single parent I did not do my sons any favours and fall short of the goal "we have the arrogance to think we will be here tomorrow and everyone in the world will "love" and "accept" our children "as is"-not so---I am trying to "get with the program"
when my dad
got with his girlfriend i to very very pushed out because of the way we where before i could go when ever i wanted and hed be there but it was a big shock to me to see my dad had a life that didnt revolve around me and at first i didnt like it but i got used to it this particular woman was always on my side when i wanted him to do something (fix comp) or something likethat so that made me think hey shes not bad she even pushed him to doing some of my more sefish wants like to go to the theme park and stuff. omg i sound so selfish dont i !
well id say dont do it all in one big shocker reel them in they are probably doing it to try get you out the way god knows i tried that to spendtime with them seperately away from you BF take them shopping
you dont have to spoil them just littlethings to show them there stillwanted sounds silly doesnt it but im 20 now and i know if my dad got a new girlfriend id still feel the same this was only two years ago.
as for your Bf i think he should also spend time witht he girls without you there
and i also think once its settled down the girls will 2
Time
Oh I have spent time they are about 30 minutes from my house at school, I have called when they were sick, But they do not want me close to their brother or his kids even, the maturity level is not very high. Everytime we have a family gathering and they are there it turns into a terrible scene, they are very rude infront of other people that they don't even know. I threw a 50th surprise party for the bf and they were out of control there with family and friends. because their nephew wanted me to pick him up. So they said it was not fair he wanted me and not them. The scenes like that are getting to be a little much for 21 yr old girls. crying , yelling like that is going to get them somewhere. They have said they are never moving back home but they are mad if he does anything at my house, fixing something. I guess I have looked at my kids who treat him very nice and they even live at home. and have had only me for the last 12 years. I waited to get involved until they were older for this reason!
BEEN THERE!
When I first met my husband, his three adult daughters (25, 24,
21 at the time, or around there) absolutely HATED me with a passion. I tried to be their "friend", tried to be "nice", it was just horrible. We broke up MANY times over them, because I
refused to let them run my life. And as I said many times on this forum (A GREAT PLACE TO GET SUPPORT, by the way), I could
understand if I were some kind of JERK. I'm a professional,
well-respected member of the community.
What they couldn't stand is that "another girl" came FIRST in
"daddy's" eyes, and they were going to fight tooth and nail to
prevent it from being permanent. They would even physically
POSITION themselves between us in pictures, in conversation,
etc. At first I "understood", but as time went on I felt it was
RIDICULOUS for GROWN WOMEN to be so JEALOUS that their daddy was
finally HAPPY and HAD A LIFE (like yours,they had no contact with their mom at the time...NOW, thanks to my encouragement,
they get along with ther GREAT. I like her, too! She has told
me several times how mean they'd been to her over the years, so
it wasn't just me.), and I had nothing to do with their parents
breakup. Mom left for another man when they were teens. (That's why they hated her so much.)
PLEASE stand your ground if you want a future with this man. DO NOT GIVE in to the "girls"; set BOUNDARIES. One thing I have learned from this site is how to DETACH. Holidays with these
girls have been nightmares, so I just avoid them. This Thanksgiving, my OWN daughter and I are going to Florida....let
DH handle the "drama" by himself. I'll have a great time, he'll
be up to his neck in "daddy daddy!!" nonsense. (again all three pushing 30...).
If they realize that they CANNOT PUSH YOU ARUOND, they WILL COME to respect you. I didn't say they will LIKE YOU (in time, maybe, but do you really care at this point? ) Also, IN TIME,
your significant other will so ENJOY the peace and serenity (and
HAPPINESS0 that he has with YOU that the "girls" will have NO CHOICE but to change.
If there's anything I've learned it is to STAY OUT OF THEIR chaos. If they want to cry and whine, as TEMPTING as it is to
tell them to GROW UP, just laugh, shake your head and walk away.
My SDs WANTED me to get involved in their dilemmas so "daddy" could see that "I'm the bad one", not them. Doesn't work anymore.
Best of luck. There are lots of helpful people on this site.
You are NOT ALONE in this. I found that this site is more helpful than ANY book or counselor!!
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
givemestrength, you might just check out
my post and some of the responses on the forum re:teenage stepchildren-my post is 17 yr old SD thinks she's all that and I don't. Altho she is 17 and not 21, in todays world it seems as tho twentysomethings often still act just like the teenagers. You might be able to save yourself some grief, or at least see if any of these situations sound similar to what you might be in for should you marry this man. I honestly feel as tho I have ruined my life.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere