Futile Gifts
My husband (before we were legally married) was upset that he couldn't afford to give his daughter (then 18) a car to drive to school. I had an older car that ran perfectly, and I decided to give it to him legally, to allow my SD to drive it, hoping to make him stop feeling guilty that he couldn't give her one. BIG mistake...what a selfish kid...not only could she not PRETEND to like me, but she wouldn't use it to come out to visit US...as we live about 40 minutes from her mother's house, and her BM has only driven her to see her dad 3 times in 4 years. Her dad would have to make the 40 minute trip two times. Anyway, she wrecked the car in 56 days since she asked her mom (who has NO financial contributions to the car nor insurance) if she could visit her boyfriend instead of asking her dad, or coming to visit her dad on the weekend. I have also stupidly paid for 3 cruise vacations for the 3 of us, despite the brat saying how it would be "boring" going on vacation with us. My husband really thinks that I should try harder with her, though she never talks to me, and is just an ingrateful B*@%!
Any suggestions?
I forgot to mention that my
I forgot to mention that my husband (who just had a major medical event) lied about not paying for her car insurance (that her mother promised to do)...which he does, AND he just paid for her school semester tuition....though he isn't going to have enough money to pay for his taxes, nor anything else soon since he hasn't been able to work for a while. I will not pay late fees. She was supposed to have a job to pay for things, but shockingly she didn't like working!?!?!? so she quit. She hasn't paid for a thing in her life other than wasting it on movies, magazines and candy...
Your husband is crazy. Tell
Your husband is crazy. Tell him he can deal with her. Freaking pain in the behind kids...sick of these men who think we have to kiss these kid's behinds...forget it.
True.
True.
The more you give the more
The more you give the more she will expect. Time to stop giving and have her start earning it. My SD informed me that she already asked her dad for an 800.00 item for Christmas and he said yes!!!! I knew that was a crock so I sweetly said "wow SD that is a bit out of our budget I suppose if you could earn half the money over the summer we may be able to swing it" }:) I got the most scathing look and eye rolling but she said nothing LOL. I don't know what she had been smoking to think she was going to tell me what she was getting but she knows how it is now.
I hope you get something even
I hope you get something even more expensive.
I agree with newwife - try
I agree with newwife - try harder to ignore the little bitch - disengage, disengage, disengage! And be glad she is not around causing you more grief, or wanting to come and live with you. Don't give her any more gifts!!
Your husband is using you. He
Your husband is using you.
He wants to give his daughter all this stuff (which I happen to think is fine) but he can't afford it. Instead of saying no, he just gets the money from Bank of Wife
As long as you're willing to give it, he will continue to take. His daughter may have no idea how much you actually do.
Stop giving him money. He needs you to try harder so that he never has to tell his daughter no.
If the 3 of you go on vacation, make him cover the cost for him and his daughter.
If he doesn't have money to pay his taxes and bills, tough.
Yep, I used to be the family
Yep, I used to be the family ATM. It was easier for DH to ask me for money instead of saying no to SS. I was stupid and always bought "but this is an emergency and it will never happen again." Until I couldn't pay for my own daughter's tuition, which I had agreed to do.
Well, the "emergencies" and "just this time" continued and I wouldn't provide the cash. And DH and SS were SHOCKED that I said "no," and that was AFTER I had a come to Jesus meeting with DH about money and lack thereof. Almost ended my marriage to the sweetest man in the world, too. And I would have ended it, I felt so used and stupid. That episode of trying to be nice and trying to keep the peace cost me thousands. Thousands. And I still feel stupid and used to this day.
But that train has left the station and this ATM has closed.
Ya, this was me. DH used me
Ya, this was me. DH used me to get SD through college - I paid for our living expenses. After a few years of being a doormat, I told him he was going to have to pay 1/2. He went ballistic. I informed him if he didn't he would have to leave. It was STILL cheaper for him so he stayed. For years after she graduated we would both pay for things like dinners, presents, etc. When she and hubby visited we always made nice dinners or took them out. When we visited them, we ate out and paid. SD was making more than both of us but never could squeek out a dime. I finally said he could pay for his family, I would pay for mine. I was never acknowledged for my contribution, and to this day wonder if DH really loves me or is just staying because even though we are both paying half, it still is to his benefit financially. It's not a good feeling. Now I am thankfully disengaged from SD but if I had it to do again, I would let the b*^ch know what I did so she could live a good life.
You don't need to try
You don't need to try harder.... You need to decide what your boundaries are, and follow them, despite what other people do. You need to agree upon a budget for your household, and allot a certain amount for gifts, and DH can spend his allotment of gift money all on his daughter if he wishes. Or, make your budget for your household to which you both contribute proportionally, and he can do with his money what he wishes.