I supported my DH during the first couple of years of our marriage because he was paying for his Daughter to go to an expensive college.   I also paid for her health insurance.  A few years before we got married he changed professions so he was not making a lot of money.  SD treated me badly and I never received any appreciation for what I did from either one of them.  I found out DH was placing hundreds of dollars a month into SD's bank account, and this continued after she graduated.  I finally told DH he was going to have to pay 1/2 of the expenses.  Keep in mind that I had paid off my house before we got married so 1/2 of the household expenses was not that much.  He didn't like it but it was either that or leave.

If your DH is working he is able  to at least pay part of the living expenses.  Like you wrote, if he wants to send money to SS he can get a second job.  If SS is not in college he is old enough to get a job himself to pay for a the credit card bill he created.  Don't know about you but my parents never paid for my credit card bills.  I think they did me a great favor by letting me know I would be responsible for any bills I created.

Good for you.  I am not the "breadwinner" as DH and I are both retired.  But I have way more money than DH.  Not one penny of MY MONEY that I worked so hard for is to go to his worthless POS son who is 33 years old.  Nor do I choose to share my lake home, vacation condo, etc with POS SS that I bought before I ever met DH.

I grew up in extreme poverty, worked my tail off to get an education, a good job, saved and sacrificed to save money for my retirement.  SS was an entitled sh*t who went to private schools until he flunked out.  He's squandered every opportunity given to him.  He can rot as far as I am concerned.

Friends of my Moms have unequal incomes, she makes much more than he does. She has one adult child but her DH spends his money like water. 

They split their income proportionally to pay the bills. I’m not sure what their split is 60/40 or 70/30 but because she makes more she pays more. Then they both contribute the same amount to retirement and vacation funds. The rest they can spend however they want. 

Even with the split it works out that she has more disposable income than he does. So when he wants a new gaming system, he has to work overtime. 

Shes told me that it works very well for them, neither of them feels taken advantage of and they still feel like a couple who shares income. 

We have the arrangement notsobad describes, and have had it since the beginning of the marriage. We took our individual incomes and expenses, figured out the proportional part for each, and put that in a separate joint checking.

Everything else is individual. We do not have joint credit cards. If a joint expense needs to be charged, one of us charges it, and it is reimbursed from the joint account.

It's worked well for us.

The adult SS is an adult, and as an adult should be responsible like an adult and pay his own credit card bill. My DH use to pay some of adult YSS's bill when we first met. Once DH and I moved in together that all came to end. YSS and wife make more than DH and I, so why should daddy be paying some of his bills? After DH realized YSS was just taking advantage of him and could afford paying his bills with no problem and still take trips all the time, buy any toy he wanted, DH stopped with the funding.

I read the blog quickly; but if your DH didn't discuss paying adult SS's bill with you and just paid it, knowing you both have your own bills due, that is not right. A good marriage includes communication about paying bills and open communication about spending larger amounts of money. 

Good for you for keeping your account separate. I would of done the same.

my journey has been relatively uneventful when it comes to blended family finances.  My income and my bride's made up our family income with the exception of the pittance my bride received in CS from the SpermClan. I say SpermClan rather than the SpermIdiot because he never paid a penny of his CS obligation. SpermGrandHag paid it for him for 16+ years.

That said... I get  your fury over this situation.  Though SParent income is not legally allowable,e for use in CS calculations in SpermLand courts.... there is a caveat that the idiot's in the stupid black robes who wield the Fischer-Price wooden hammers can apply.  If a SParent makes a "significant income" that provides an "artificially elevated" standard of living for a SKid an NCP can receive an income reduction credit for CS calculation purposes so as to not suffer undue hardship by having to overly contribute to the SKids artificially elevated standard of living.   *bad*  

That POS was awarded the maximum income reduction  $1000 monthly income reduction to reduce his CS obligation due to my income.... for the entire 16+ years we lived under a CO... which chaps my ass to this day.  The Skid aged out from under the CO nearly 8 years ago.  Fortunately even reducing the SpermIdiot's monthly income by $1000/mo only reduced his CS by $50/mo so the sole outcome of the exercise was to piss me off and give him some pocket money to buy more pot with.

So, while I have nothing to complain about in comparison to your situation... I understand your frustration.  Being taken advantage of is irritating.

Dear ReneeT,

I'm totally not kidding.  This is EXACTLY our situation except my husband and I have only been together about a decade (married for ~6). My husband makes about half of what I do and we pay our household bills 2:1. That being said, I have a  great career and make awesome $$$ because I worked my ass off to get here.  So while he was out squandering his money on every toy that he and and my SS wanted before and well into our marriage I was saving like a mad woman, investing, saving for retirement, etc.

It's slowed down a lot (kid is now 22yo) but I still get nervous every time I got the mailbox that there will be medical bills in collections, new school loans (SKID decided he's going to take his psych undergrad degree (which Daddy paid for) and go get a data science degree from a school that costs $42K/year. A few weeks back a declined loan application showed up at our house and I almost lost it. I literally almost threw him out.

"We just have to get him through high school" became "We just have to get him through college Freshman year" which became "We just have to get him through college". My husband STILL pays the cell phone for the little jacka$$.  BM has never paid a penny for ANYTHING and tried to continue to collect child support after the kid moved in with us full time.  Don't get me wrong... she parachutes in relishes gradiose gifts (toys, international vacation, etc.) while DH and I (mostly ME) afforded kids ability to go to a way-too-expensive-school to study something totally market useless.  It makes me want to spit wooden nickles but I digress.

SS22 has been out of college since December.  This week it will be April but he hasn't been offered a job that he "wants". Well, I want to sit in my bunny slippers and eat bon bons all day but that's not life.Kids living an apartment with "friends", not working and I have ZERO clue how he's even eating.

But, I watch every penny that comes/goes finacially into our home/relationship. It's only after all our bills are paid for, his credit cards are paid down (we don't share anymore after DH ran up tens of thousands of dollars and I strumbled upon a (then) joint card that I had never used! He also has to contribute to retiremnt before a penny goes to anything else.  

DH knows that I absolutely throw his a$$ out if it happens again.I do however pray every single day that I don't eventually have to make that choice.

Good luck to you!