I am sure you have lost all respect for your husband.... do you think that going to counseling with him might help.. or are you done with your marriage?

Because.. what his kid did or did not do is irrelevant... your husband is the one that betrayed you..  My SD could ask for a million dollars.. and my SO could say "NO".. or he could say.. "My WIFE won't allow it".. now what is the real problem here.. the kid (that my husband parented and raised to be a mooch).. or my husband that is a terrible father and terrible parent.

I 100% understand not loaning your SS the car.. he isn't responsible.. sis can loan hers if she is so inclined.

Yeah...what ESMOD said. You have a DH problem. And I know your pain. While not so direct as your DH, mine did similar in the early years. It is why, when he finally would put his foot down with the toxic behaviors, they'd wail....You're only saying that because CajunMom told you! Whaa whaaa.

BUT...on the flip side, I would NEVER allow any of our vehicles to be used by such an individual. AND I'd have no problem saying it and owning it. So, yeah...I see where you have lost respect for him...but I'd also call him out. "You want a non-working, 34 year old man who does not take responsibility for anything in life to use OUR cars??? What if he wrecks or totals said car? Will he keep it clean??? How will it be returned?? Nah...let him take a bus." 

tell Daddy that if he's willing to give up his car to his son, go for it but it doesn't mean hubby will be using your's nor does it mean you will insure or have a car driven by SS registered to your names. He wants to give it to him, he signs it over and cancels insurnce. Then hand hubby a bus schedule and remind him of why he no longer has a car. Hell even give him a toot toot as you drive past him at the bus stop while you're headed to work. 

beep beep 

I wouldnt worry about being the mean ole stepmother.  I am here and dont care.

Yuck...one SS tried to pull this stunt after he'd ruined two cars we gave him before. One of them he never changed the oil after many many attempts to get him to do so and the engine blew up. He still expected we would fork over a 3rd vehicle. Luckily, my DH stood his ground and you know what? I STILL ended up being the villian in SS's eyes. It really didn't matter. This adult male went running to anyone that would listen that stepmommy won't give him a car! First off he's a grown adult male, secondly he left out the fact that he neglected the first two we gave him to the point where they were not driveable (both cars were given in VERY good shape.) So it really doesn't matter - you would have been the bad guy no matter what. 

Which drives right back to the real issue - your spineless DH. The audacity to throw you under the bus like that...really truly weak. It burns me inside that he did that to you.

Running anyway.   I would not care if SO " DH threw me under the bus. ". No car. If he wants a car he gets a job and buys one 

UPDATE.  SS Is 34.  Your DISNNNNEY DADDDY of DH, has been this way forever. He's not going to change.  Just get off of crazy train.  Lay down the law to DH. If he wants to but SS a car he must get a second job t0 pay for it.  Outright no loan.  That will take a year or two.  You save your money for a exit plan 

Your DH is a prick and a coward all rolled into one scared disney daddio package. Yea throwing a SM under the bus is far easier than just saying NO period. You dont even have to mention alternatives, he is 34 for gods sake. Figure that shit out all on your own.

He took 11 years to get a degree? Wanted a mangaement position as a starting point? He now wants to play video games as a career. He lives rent free with mommy. I vote him in as one of the  numero uno failed in life SS. Gee his parents must be proud, guess SS's parents heads are still in the sand.

Think about it though, the throwing under the bus is completely wrong and your DH needs a swift kick in the you know where (figuretivly) BUT who cares what such a loser like SS thinks of you. 

Blessings lady 

Nope

Here is another thing. Your dh and BM"S Lazy adult kid,  doesn't have a job, doesn't pay rent--how is he going to pay for gas and car insurance? 

I'd buy him a bike LOL..then he can go to McDonalds or where ever he wants too.

Do we have the same SS--or SSs separated at birth? Mine, age 35, has been unemployed and thought he could sell his travel pictures. No takers. Then tried videos. Nope. Now he wants to create a website, which is taking months and months. Hmm.  He has been mooching at his mother's with no car for about 6 months. In November, she apparently insisted that he work part-time. Earlier, he mooched here for a month under the pretense of helping care for DH after surgery. It was hell. I was appalled over DH giving him free rein with his car (got a speeding ticket that DH paid), supporting him using his YMCA card to "sneak" in without paying (and he kept getting caught...how embarrassing)--pay for a damn guest pass, moochie--doled out money for every pound of food and excessive amounts of coffee he could ingest. My car, my stuff, was off limits. SS knows better than to ask. But I digress.

Have you asked your husband why he said what he said--why he didn't make the suggestions the two of you earlier discussed? What does he say about his son's "failure to launch?" Does he understand what enabling is? And why does he feel that he needs to make you the bad guy? I just SMH at how some of these guys seem afraid of their own kids and how they have fed the sense of entitlement, which is disgusting.

First of all this "man" is 34 he's not some 16-17 year old to have much sympathy for. There are probably 16-17 year old girls doing much better job at taking responsibility for themselves than this man. 
 

You also said he's not mentally ill nor is he mentally challenged so there is no reason he cannot be responsible for himself / his own livelihood but he doesn't need to because he's figured out how to live off of women (his mom or you) similar to how a male sugar baby would do ... and even worse is is father has allowed this behavior for so long it's now a pattern / habit that will be hard to break  

In fact coddling him well into adulthood is how he's managed to make it to middle-aged adulthood without a job to support himself or his family. 

My stepson is 34. We paid for him to get a bachelors degree. He took 11 years to graduate despite not having a job the entire time. No one made him.

11 years to get a bachelor's degree?!? Unless he's profoundly mentally challenged or severely mentally ill then he effectively fleeced tf out of y'all...

Now his wife has kicked him out because he refuses to get a job. 

At least someone is holding this fully grown adult accountable for his piss poor decisions. Time for Disneyland dad to follow suit.

Now he wants to borrow our car to drive to see his sister. So they can film themselves playing video games. DH and I have need for both our cars but he just assumes he can borrow it. 

No he can film himself remotely and stitch her in to his video ... Stepson can assume he's entitled to your possessions that you worked for just like y'all can assume he gets viable income to support himself and procure his own possessions  

Plus id never let anyone who will not / cannot afford to pay my car insurance deductible/increased premiums if they damage my car  

No and NO!!!

DH threw me under the bus
 

Throw him under the house and into the basement at night when it's time for intimacy....bet he'll learn then that it's in his best interest to be more scared of you than scared of telling his grown adult "man" child NO

i am so mad. He should want his children to be mature self sufficient adults. I have lost all respect.

Some Disneyland parents are enmeshed with their kids and/or they have a secret desire to constantly be needed (aka to be "fixers") hence why they never really care about their kids being independent from them. 
 

Id lose respect for any able bodied "man" who sponges of of unsuspecting women and y'all already know how I feel about Disneyland parents (I don't have much respect for them either because it's hard being intimate with a man who bends over backwards especially for an exwife and/or fully grown capable-of-being-responsible-for-their-own-behavior adult offspring to the detriment of his current family / marriage)

This is a college degreed nearly middle aged adult.  Nope, let him walk.  

If he wants to commit to a juvenile gamer influencer fantasy, he can do it on cardboard mock up computers at his under hte overpass homeless camp refrigerator box based studio.

If that car so much as gets a fleck of his dead failed family kidult spawn skin on it, DH needs to join his spawn at the Kenmore side by side carboard box palace under the Interstate.  THat your DH is so ball-less that he did not just tell his failed family kidult spawn no, and then blamed you..... I now know more about how much of a non-man dickhead your DH is than I would want to know. More than anyone should know. Because a real man does not do that to his bride.

Take care of you.

Embrace being the baddy. It's not as if you'd associate with SS under any other circumstances, so no loss.

And put some fear into your weak H. Make him more afraid of angering you than the skids and your life will be more peaceful.

People can really show their true colors, can't they? Instead of being a man and telling his loser son he cannot use one of the cars, he puts it on you. He should have said "sorry, WE don't want you taking the car". It's no mystery how this guy ended up the way he did. People have been catering to him his whole life (except the wife that kicked his butt to the curb). STOP giving into this guy. Wear the badge of bad stepmom proudly. And, tell your DH to pull his balls out of his rear end.