Done for good
OMG OMG what an insufferable little prick SS is. He has been visiting from out of country and I have had minimal contact with him but tonight DH adn I took him for a farewell dinner to the area's best restaurant. Yes, that's right, we took him, as in we paid for dinner for our guest who's been eating our food for the past week.
He's not only a cheapskate but an arrogant ass. He doesn't mess with me anymore, but tonight over dinner he decided his father needed schooling in pronounciation, vocabulary, and sentence structure in the language we are learning. (SS is a rank beginner too.) Also DH apparently needed coaching on the very best varieties of fish to eat and the correct way to have the chef prepare them, which DH stupidly did not know until after he'd ordered and SS enlightened him.
On it went. SS kept taking little digs at his father until I wanted to reach over and slap him. Not only did Daddee take the insults, he kept sinking further into his chair. I wish I could say it was because he was so embarassed by his son's open insolence but he just looked beaten.
I vent about DH quite a lot but I usually manage to speak respectfully to him. It sbsolutely infuriated me to watch SS go after his own father. So yes, Houston, we have a DH problem and it is that DH is afraid of his spawn.
I swear if one of my kids spoke to me like that I'd take their head off, and I guess they know it because they haven't tried that shit on me since they were terrible teens.
SS has been behaving toward me so well that I was starting to soften to him a little, but tonight's disgusting performance reminded me what he is and why I cannot stand him. I am well and truly done with him.
Sorry just had to vent.
Correction
It's SS31 not SS28. So it's a grown-ass 31-year-old "man" behaving this way.
Meanwhile, I need to figure out how to keep up with those ballooning numbers.
Infuriating. Both the ill behaved skid
and the ball-less husband.
My SD's do the same
sh*t to DH. He's gotten so much better at calling them out on bad behavior when it rears it's ugly head.
As someone who has high expectations for my BK's and as someone who doesn't put up with disrespect, it can be hard to understand those times he didn't stand up for himself.
My ex is a true sociopath, unless you've dealt with one it's hard to fathom the carnage they create. I have at times had to deal with my BK's sh*t hitting the fan and I have to say those moments gave me more compassion for how debilitating and paralizing it can be when it's your own BK in attack mode. There were moments I felt like a deer in the headlights. Your child is a matter of the heart and those high emotions that their sh*tty behavior and horrible treatment of you creates can be overwhelming. If I hadn't experienced it myself I woudln't understand.
I am very conscious of when there's a problem and work to correct it. I have no problem telling my BK's that their behavior is unacceptable and won't be tolerated.
My DH has finally learned to do the same with SD's. Hopefully your DH can find more proactive ways to deal with your SS than just taking his crap.
Good on your DH ...
... for calling out his brats. It's a miracle when these guilty Daddees manage that.
I seriously doubt DH will ever be able to with his spawn. He's told me multiple times that he "adores" his son. And he's just not the type to bite back when attacked. I'm not nearly as nice.
I did see him completely lose his mind at BM once, but that was carefully timed. He waited until after SS turned 18. He finally allowed himself to be provoked by a particularly egregious incident after a long series of BM's abuses. So he does have it in him, he just keeps it under wraps most of the time.
Thanks
... for the comments. Aggression against family members whom one should love and cherish above all is very upsetting to the victims and also to those who know what they're witnessing. Ask me how I know.
I am not a wealthy person but I have managed to acccumulate some property. I have arranged things so that it will benefit me and DH while we are alive, and have put formal legal structures in place so that SS will never be able to touch it. DH does not know this for very good reasons, and I suspect he has allowed SS to think he'll be inheriting. From a certain perspective what I did to avoid giving SS a cent can be viewed as sharp practice, underhanded if you like, but it protects me and DH from SS. There is no question in my mind what he would do if he had any say whatsoever in the disposition of our property. Thanks, SS, for confirming that as uncomfortable and costly as it was I did the right thing.
If SS decides to display his superior knowledge in front of me again he's going to find himself in a long and uncomfortable conversation about the source and extent of his knowledge. Good grief I loathe that man.
ETA: I don't have the APA guidelines in front of me, but the strictures against abusing family members are so strong and instinctive, so bred-in-the-bone, that I'm pretty sure violating them is a sign of psychopathy. And if it's not it should be.
I hate people like this!!!
I hate people like this!!!
Sometimes we do have different experiences in life and want to share what we have learned but how hard is to to say "Dad, next time try this ____. I had it that way when I went ____ it it was the best thing ever!" . There is no need to make dad feel inferior or try to belittle him. So freaking rude. I would not be taking him out for anything more than McDonald's next time!
SS sounds like a complete
SS sounds like a complete boor... It usually is people with an extreme amount of insecurity that do things like this.. it's the only way they can feel good about themselves. It's sad really.
I would suggest they just go out for lunch alone next time.
Know it alls
Are the worst. It must have been hard to watch.
These SKs never really change. They may behave better at times but the ugliness is permanently stamped in their souls.
Next time
Now you are armed and ready. I dont suffer bullies, and dealing with SD23 Feral Forger over the years, Ive blocked her many times when she would aggressively attack SD15/16. Call her ugly and stupid, but never within her fathers hearing, sneaky b!tch.
Then it would be an argument, leading into "your going to take your girlfriends side over your own blood?"
I hate her so much. She hasnt gotten better.
But wait!! There's more!!!
I have an Antique Thing that SS has been drooling over for years. I no longer have a place for it and it's looking for a home, but at this point I would dump it in a lake before giving it to SS.
A few days before SS's arrival, something--oh, I don't know, call it paranoia--paranoia made me tell DH that DD asked for Antique Thing and I'm giving it to her. You would be correct if you suspected this was a lie. SS left about 15 mintues ago, and no sooner had his ride disappeared around the corner than DH asked me when is DD going to pick up Antique Thing.
Hello, Captain Obvious.
It never ends.
I feel the same
About handing anything over to Bratty McBratFace. I would rather throw it away, doesn't matter what it is. Bratty doesn't appreciate a damn thing so no more stuff for her.
Agreed: horrible SD will get nothing from me
(or so I hope; trying to figure out how to make that legal).
But Miss T, I am so sorry you had to put up with this!
My DH is just like this: he withers under the verbal abuse of SD31. All I've ever been able to do is console him afterwards and say things like "you did not deserve that; she was way out of line" and "I am so sorry it did not go well" and only once, to her, very gently, right in the moment it was happening, "I hate to hear you talk to your dad like this because he is so kind and generous to you" (he had just given her A CAR) (which of course put me in her crosshairs, and he later said I should not have said anything). The after-talk to him consoles him, but if I gently try to point out ways to change things to make it go better, he flips out and says I don't understand (which I don't! My Biokids would never EVER talk to me like that. I mean, not since age 13.)
I am glad you are not letting horrible SS have anything, Miss T. Get that Antique Thing outta there asap! I would love to learn more about the legal means we can all take to make sure that no mean SKids can get stuff they are not entitled to (other than my informal inventory lists of who-owns-what, which probably has holes in it a mile wide).
Duplicate post, sorry
n/t
Visit and turmoil over
SS returns to the US early tomorrow, and DH is off saying goodbye this morning.
A couple of days ago the two met in a local bar. DH came home full of jolliness, bless his heart. He's fundamentally such a sweet man that it's hard for me to understand how his spawn turned out to be such a complete sh!t. Well, BM, I suppose. Anyway I would pay money to have seen the expression on my face in response to DH's jolliness. Whatever it was it stopped him cold about a sentence and a half into a speech about how SS might move here from the US and, chip off the ol' block, he was chatting up the girls in the bar. This is a conservative Catholic country. I've seen the "girls" who hang out in the bar, and I suspect it was them chatting up SS rather than the other way around.
I used to subscribe to the idea that every fight is two-sided. If someone is fighting with you, you caused them to behave that way, or are equally guilty for engaging or some such. After years of experiencing SS, I seriously question that. I don't have the time or inclination for the minute analysis that would explain why the mere presence of SS causes such turmoil in my usually peaceful relationship with DH, but after years of experiencing it I'm pretty sure that SS is the one stirring the pot.
Anyway, he's gone now, or will be soon. He's likely to stay gone except for a visit now and again. Antique Thing is permanently out of his reach. Back to our normal programming.
Just wondering....
what would have happened if you calmly looked at your SS and said "now tell me, why do you feel the need to talk down to people like that?" Sometimes staying calm and asking uncomfortable questions stops an asshole in their tracks.
I understand your point ...
... and it's a good one. I may use that very tactic in the future.
In the instance described, though, it would not have worked. To begin with, both SS and DH would have shucked and jived and ultimately denied that anything was amiss with their communications. They'd have put me in the wrong. Second, we were in an upscale public venue. SS would have correctly judged it unlikely that either of us, most especially his father, would dare to mount any sort of protest in such a place.
While it can be a good move, shutting bad behavior down in the presence of others is difficult, for me, anyway, although I have done it in the past and will do it again if needs be.
Thanks for taking time to comment.