DH statements "I know you hate my kids"
My dh and I will be talking and he will start to say something about his kids and begin with "I know you hate my kids but......" The last time he said that I blew up and told him that really pisses me off. I went on to say "YOUR KIDS HATE ME!"
Currently, msd hasn't talked to us in over 5 years, has two kids we have never seen, yss is now on round 2 of not talking to us (this is after he moved out of our rental that he didn't even have to pay rent & he left the place trashed & stole our washer & dryer), osd went 1 1/2 years without talking to us. I could go on and on.
His kids behavior has been terrible and somehow I am supposed to enjoy their crap and if I don't like it I hate his kids.
Been awhile since I posted a vent. Thanks for listening
I would set him straight and
I would set him straight and let him know that while hate might be a strong word, you do not like them as people nor the way they behave and treat the two of you.
And if he would look at them and their actions objectively, he would probably admit to feeling the same. Sure, he loves them, they're his kids but does he like who they have become?
My DH has never accused me of HATING his kids but he mentions, every now and then, that I don't like them. Yeah, so? It's not because they're your kids with previous wives, it's because of the people they are. Lazy, selfish, manipulative, lying; just not people that I would choose to be around if I met them some other way.
He knows why, so now if he says it, I just pretend I don't hear him. Sometimes I think they want to hear us say, "Oh no, honey, they are part of you so I LOVE them. They are not so bad, they have the potential to be wonderful people." Not happening.
If they want to lie to themselves and convince themselves that these brats aren't so bad, more power to them. But they would be better off just admitting the truth.
++++++++++"That's because
++++++++++"That's because they know YOU don't like THEM!!!"+++++++++++++
OMFG, I HATE when DH says this shit. Makes me nuts!!!
He usually gets the death stare from me when he says that crap.
I have told him in the past that it's very hard to like, let alone, love kids who are openly hostile, passive-aggressive and generally mute.
I mean, really, who WOULD like a person like that????
++++++++++++"I believe in
++++++++++++"I believe in separating behavior from the person, and no, I don't like their behavior. As people, I really have no feelings regarding your kids one way or the other. They are your kids, not mine. So you're saying you love their behavior? What's it like to enjoy being shit on? Seems odd to me."++++++++++++++
I have said something similar to my DH. Mine was more like "I don't like their behavior, it has nothing to do with them as people."
All he ever hears is "you hate my kids."
And on and on...
Just wanted to point out that
Just wanted to point out that you totally validated his statement and rewarded DH's behavior. He said "you hate my kids," you responded with, "your kids hate me." This puts DH in the center as good father protecting his widdle babies against the hateful jam. Sounds like he gets some sense of importance by creating drama and being in the center of it.
DH used to say the same thing to me about ss30, "I know you don't like ss30." My response was to look dumb and confused (I'm blonde so I can pull this off well). Then I said, "Why would you say that to me?" DH then stuttered, stumbled over his words and tried to come up with some lame defense. It was more work for him to look like a jerk and he got no validation from me that he was right. He hasn't said anything like that for over a year.
Stop playing into his little trap.
We've all heard the same
We've all heard the same thing. Funny how that works. I always feel bad when DH says this. Now it is so good to hear from all of you how you have handled this. I get defensive. But no more.
SD's and BM used to tell everyone that I was not the gskids grandmother. I guess they thought it would upset me but it didn't. I They would not allow their kids to call me "grandma" and that didn't bother me either. SO when DH says I don't care about the gskids I simply say what everyone else has said for years, "I am not their grandmother."
It got to the point where I
It got to the point where I flat out told my husband I do not like his youngest. At all. Don't like any of the 4. Truth hurts. I was done pretending.