Sorry - but this is gonna be a long one. I have a unique situation here - my husband and I are SP's to a 19 y.o. who has been thru hell in the past year and a half. My SS's BM chose to let my husband care for her kids when they got divorced, and then I came into the picture. So - it's been the two of us raising her kids (now 19M & 22F), and trust me when I say it is, by far, the best thing. My husband has been the only father my SS has ever known. His BD spent time in prison for arson and had drug problems upon his release, and never made any attempts to contact my SS. Then, one week before my SS and my husband were to meet with an attorney about getting his last name legally changed to my husband's, BM decided to bring BD back into my SS's life. SS then changed his mind about having his name changed. That was the first blow in a series of blows to come. It was obvious that our SS was dealing with so much confusion and angst over his BD entering the picture. We are not sure if he ever did anything more than just write to his BD. We know for sure that he had opportunities to meet his BD in person, but never did. Seven months had passed and we received word that BD had committed suicide. It's been hell ever since. Bear in mind that my SS never knew his BD and was completely aware of his past. However, I watched as my SS exploited the situation for the great deal of attention that was now placed on him. He began by letting people believe that he had a great relationship with him (got more mileage from that than if he'd mentioned to people that he never knew him), had his BD's picture up in his car, posted on his MySpace site that his mom was his 'hero' because she raised him and his sister by herself for 15 yrs (gee - where was my husband???). When my husband flew 3000 mi. to be there for my SS's graduation from Bootcamp, he was introduced to others as 'Step-Dad' - a first (he'd ALWAYS been referred to as 'dad'). We suspect that he'd told everyone the sad story of the suicide so, when my husband arrived, how was he going to explain the 'dad' that came to see him? Step-dad. To make matters worse, he has now had both arms tattoed from elbow to shoulder. On one arm there is a large cross with the words "In love memory" across the top. On the bottom of the cross are his BD's initials. On the other arm, he has (in very large numbers) the date of his BD's suicide. Now - I do know and understand that he needs help and i can only guess how much he wants to fantasize about his BD. I'm sure he even feels guilty for not meeting him. Can't convince him to get counseling, though. But I now see the extent to which he will go for the attention. BM and our SD are all mortified that he had done something so drastic as to get that info tattood on his body. Kinda morbid, really. My dilemma is this. I have watched him cut my husband out of his life bit by bit...and all the while, my husband has continued to support him and show him nothing but patience and understanding. Keep in mind, my husband provided these kids with a very nice life. Had it not been for him, they and their mother would have had a rough life (they were living in a tent for about a year prior to my husband meeting them). My SD knows and understands this and is very appreciative of my husband and has a great relationship with him. So - now, my SS is heading to Iraq in a couple of months. He is coming home for a few weeks before he goes and it will be the first time my husband will see the tattoos. He does know about them - but I think seeing them will still hurt. What I'd LIKE to do is pull my SS aside and try and get him to understand what he's doing - that he making very impulsive decisions because of what he thinks he'll get from it, creating a false image of his life because it creates a great pity-party...but he has already been talked to by his BM and his sister and they have gotten nowhere with the subject. Oh - SS called the other night and wanted to know if he could throw a big party when he got home. Personally, I can't believe he has the nerve to ask for anythign from his dad. I have tried to feel some compassion for him, but his lies are tearing my husband down and the mother lion is coming out in me! With only a few months left before he goes to Iraq (and we accept that ANYTHING can happen over there)we are at a loss for how to handle things with him. I'd appreciate anyone's feedback on this. Lastly, my husband and I are in agreement on one thing for sure - our SS is going to be required to keep the tattoos covered in our presence.