And the druggie wins over DH's family...Fuck them! I am irate!
First off Tacky that SIL can't even call me to tell me this in person after she and DHs other sisters know all about what we have been through in the last fucking four years. She sends me a facebook message, yes a fucking facebook message to let me and DH know that they are throwing a baby shower for SD19. (please refer to my bookmarks section if you would like to read up on what we have been through).
She let me know in the message that we are NOT invited per SD19 but thought we should know that they are doing this for her and that they have invited her to Christmas just expecting us to let SD19 and her abusive drug dealing boyfriend to share a motel room with us after they fucking all know that we haven't had any contact with her in months. Seriously.
So I broke down, I wrote back and said something on the lines of how does she not know that I would have loved to have a god damn baby shower for our first grandchild for the daughter that we loved so much and that I think its horrible that she is just going out and doing this without even giving a shit about what DH or I have been through. She said that she has thrown showers for everyone in the family....well I have had 2 pregnancies with her nieces and she has NEVER thrown me one and that is besides the point. Its not about me. sure I love that she will be getting nice things for the baby since its not the babies fault however I am sick and tired of the fucking back stabbing. I wrote a nice tactful response to her stating how both DH and I have been broken up about this and then I did get a pissed I told her DH said forget about Christmas...as he is saying this our bios here it and of course to them that means no water park. I told them that either way I will do a water park weekend with them and very soon and they calmed down...they are only 8 and 3 so a waterpark is huge to them.
Then SIL calls us and proceeds to basically say how dare I stand up for us. This is all a slap in the face as they have been emailing me back and forth wanting to see how I am doing and acting like they fucking care and then they turn around and slap this in our faces.
SIL and DH had it out on the phone, SIL told DH he is a piece of shit for turning his back on his daughter and that she refuses to turn her back on her. Keep in mind SIL has not walked our shoes and has not a clue of what we went through in the past 4 years. She accused DH of not trying anything to help SD19 out of this mess (ok, interventions, calling the police on her numerous times, calling CPS, the many nights driving around the town and neighboring towns to find her, counseling, a psychiatrist..I could go on but apparently not enough) DH said he was not going to sacrifice his wife and his other 3 daughters for one that refuses help anymore. He also mentioned he will go to jail if he comes in contact with SDs boyfriend because SDs boyfriend has abused her physically, introduced her to the drugs, is a drug dealer and has called DH a pussy and other fucking names and threatened him if he came near SD19 anymore all because we stopped enabling SD with money! SIL told DH you don't turn your back on your family and that SD19 is blood....see the funny thing is that DD8 and DD3 and SD22 are also blood but they remember good SD19 and she has always been their favorite. I can guarantee that if it was SD22 that was doing all this and pregnant they would be doing nothing for her. They always look at our daughters DD8 and DD3 like they are just mine and I am not blood and god forbid I have a mental illness over this because their family doesn't have mental illness. I suffer from anxiety, panic and PTSD from it. Ever since that its like me and my daughters and DH are shunned. Fuck them. I aint going to Christmas. It breaks my heart.
DH is all messed up, cried himself to sleep tonight but at the same time is happy he finally stood up to his self righteous sister who judges non fucking stop because she thinks she is better then everyone.
Then SIL proceeds to send other SD22 a message on facebook not realizing that SD22 is going to tell us. Ok thank you for the rant, sorry about the use of the word fuck a lot and I am drunk at this moment off of wine so please cut me some slack! I could punch something right now. Oh yeah and get this, due to the stress it has caused DD8 to see this she has been running to the bathroom with the diarrhea 5x now. I have to keep her from school tomorrow, she has asked me for a counselor. I am going to take her to mine on Monday and give up my session for her. She is my baby. I am so fucking pissed. DH even cried to SD22 over Skype and she made me cry with all the nice things she told him since he feels like a failure of a dad she told him everything she has learned from him and what a good job he did with her and what a good a job he is doing with the little ones.
Fuck them...I tell ya blood is NOT thicker then water. Sometimes friends are more closer then family. Thank you.
Oh let me add that the moment
Oh let me add that the moment I clicked send I wasn't finished but now DD8 is puking too. No she is not sick its all stress. I am so done with this crap. DH is done, we are all done.
Oh my. You need a hug
Oh my. You need a hug sweetie. I'm sorry your SD and SIL suck. **HUGS** I understand, to much MUCH lesser degree - DH's sister thinks she knows what is best for SD too, and criticizes everything DH does with her.
Yes, you DO need a
Yes, you DO need a ((((hug))). But here's what you do: Tell SIL you've had a change of heart, you are grateful to her for thinking of SD because in the future if SD and druggie BF come back to you and ask for a place to stay you can tell them you KNOW they will be more than welcome at SIL's house.
My husbands family have done
My husbands family have done the same thing with his daughter. Not drugs either this one is pure evil in her own right. But dhs family feel sorry for her, her father should just perform on demand for her and and his wife, well it's nothing to do with her, just ignore her. Hell, go to her house and totally ignore her, take their stuff if you need it, don't worry about what she says. FIL is having a 90th birthday party next April if God spares him. SIL rang me to let me know DH is summoned to the party and SD has been invited. DH had better attend and I can please myself.
This is so funny because we found out a couple of weeks ago that this sister has a daughter who was married last September, huge Italian family wedding. How did we come to know of this. Someone posted a picture on a cousins Facebook page and I saw it. Then I did a bit of Facebook stalking and came to find out his older sister's son had a baby last June. Was DH told. Nope. Guess he's not family enough to be invited to weddings and told there is a new addition to "their" family. Now they are commanding his appearance at this family event. LOL.
Will I lose sleep over this. Nope, love it actually. Dh has finally seen what I have seen for years. Unless he does exactly what hs family, father, siblings and children tell him to, give them what they want, and never get anything in return, he's no good. They gang up on him and make him feel like a bad brother, a bad son and a bad father. Blood family, seems more like bad blood to me. Family may not agree with you, but they never come between husband and wife, parent and child. Seems you and I both landed in the same type of toxic blood family. I have more loyal friends than dh has family.
See this as a wonderful opportunity to weed out all the toxic blood in the family.
Your husband must be hurting terribly. His sisters have betrayed him in the worst possible way. He did the absolute right thing in not enabling his daughters drug use. His sisters are not looking out for his daughter. They are trying to make themselves look good at her expense. I hope your husband tears strips off them for this. They have no right, no right at all.
I'm so sorry you and your
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. You all ARE handling this the right way. Try to keep reminding yourself of that as you are going through this. I know it hurts but maybe that phrase will bring you all some comfort eventually. {{HUGS}}
I am sorry to hear what
I am sorry to hear what a terrible time you and DH are having. He did the right thing. SIL is a bitch and should leave both of you alone. My advice would be DO NOT answer any calls from her and remove and block her on Facebook.
Also, your young DD should not even know about all this, causing her stress. This should be enough to NEVER engage with toxic people again.
Let them go for good and focus on your DH and bios. Good luck.
What a stressful night! Your
What a stressful night! Your SIL is a piece of work. I would be very upset by the events you describe. But here is what stunned me:
"DH even cried to SD22 over Skype and she made me cry with all the nice things she told him since he feels like a failure of a dad she told him everything she has learned from him and what a good job he did with her and what a good a job he is doing with the little ones."
Your OSD was able to take an independent position, untangle herself from her family's dysfunction, and show compassion and love to her dad in a moment of horrible stress. There is NO WAY one of my skids could do that... not in a million years. They are tightly controlled by the BM, not one of them is able to have their own, independent relationship with the DH.
That girl is pure gold. If she was my SD, i would cultivate a relationship with her.
She was even able to say, you are doing such a good job with your younger daughters? That is fantastic! So instead of feeling jealous, she is doing the mature thing and putting her own (potential ) desire to be first in her father's affections aside and commenting in a positive way on his parenting skills that your girls benefit from? I have never seen or heard anything of this nature. She is unique! Supportive, generous and loving.
Sounds like your other SD is pretty useless, but this one should be crowned Queen of Step-talk for a day!!! If not for a month...
^^^^ totally agree !!! The
^^^^ totally agree !!! The older SD showed up to her father when DH needed it the most !! You all should very proud of her. She can see through the tangled crap. Get that girl a crown !!!
As for the other trolls ~ listen we all know people are going to do the poor innocent baby routine. This poor child doesn't have a chance ~ blah blah blah but yet ~ we lay down the red carpet. Oh welcome ~ oh great one.
Please we all know how this is gonna turn out ;
Grab some popcorn n enjoy the show
You n your DH are not responsible to do anything for anyone unless you want to. SD n SIL needed a little tough love ~ you will be fine. Two steps forward n sometimes 3 steps back but you know what ~~~ look at your nuclear family n smile. You have a loving family ~ put your energy on them. Enjoy your family n don't look back.
Cut these toxic people out of
Cut these toxic people out of your lives. Good for SIL if she wants to cater to SD19, that's less stress on you and your DH. I know you are hurting over your lost relationship with SD19 but you have to move on. She's an adult and it's her choice to do what she does.
How children end up as an adult is not always a reflection on their upbringing and their parents. They make their own choices and they take what they want and leave the rest. Your SD22 obviously chose to learn things from your DH, and use and live by what she learned, SD19 has chosen something different. That's on her, not you or your DH.
Now that you and your DH have said what you needed to say to SIL, push the mute button.
Wait until SD19 and boyfriend
Wait until SD19 and boyfriend of the year start stealing form SIL and other members of the "family". If they are on drugs it's only a matter of time. Why is it certain families are willing to cut out whole sections of their families for one kid? I see this a lot on here.
Igiveupsotornup..... I don't
Igiveupsotornup.....
I don't think I would be letting my younger daughters know what's going on, it really isn't fare to them, they are to young to be involved in all the drama.
It may also effect them in the long run.
My youngest step daughter is a drug addict, has been for some time now. I loved her very much. Now she can face all her crap alone, I have had it with her. She lies steals. I caught her breaking into the house. She went around telling everyone I lied about it, she is so full of crap. She has bad mouthed me to anyone and everyone she can. She sends her dad a text message laying on the guilt trip. HAHA she can kiss my ass. She put herself where she is. I asked my husband if he was going to help her he said No. will see. She is the biggest con I have ever met. A out going personality just waiting for you to turn your back so she can stab you in it. Well I'm done with it. You need to stay away from her and don't be blaming all of it on the boy friend, she has her own mind and I'm sure knows right from wrong, I doubt he put a gun to her head to start doing the drugs. look up disengage.
Yeap birds of a feather flock
Yeap birds of a feather flock together. That's the con to convince the family they are the innocent ones ~ my ass. Stand strong and don't be an enabler. Tough loving is needed !!
Thank you for responding to
Thank you for responding to all of you. I ended up taking DD8 into the ER last night because as time went on I learned that it wasn't just stress...here it was a stomach bug...a mighty bad one. We were in ER until 2am. Thank God ER is down the road since I had 3 glasses of wine..they never figured that out.
I know I hate that DH's and my bio daughters were here to witness but we did try to keep them from it. They just hear everything, they can be in the room down the hall with the door closed and its like they have the best ears ever, they hear it. Then it was fine because most of it was on facebook but then SIL kept calling the phone and calling the phone and then DD8 answered and handed the phone to DH.
I vow to keep our little ones from this from this day forward as much as I can protect them. Never again will I watch our DD8 in the ER crying over her hurt stomach for her Mama and in between pains worrying about her Mama and Dad ever again. I was completely wrong there and I know it by letting them see the toxicity, I am wrong in letting them see the toxicity that they saw for 4 years (mainly DD8 due to the other DD only being 3 right now).
DH missed half of work today to let us all sleep and it was nice to wake up to him being home but I see the hurt and sadness on his face but at the same time the strong man who says he is NOT talking to them anymore.
He told me more of what was said on the phone from SIL and I just cant believe this. Some of you are saying she is going to line up her next victim. I believe your right, apparently she has been talking to my niece saying how scared she is and how we left her and we don't help her anymore and blah blah blah. Well she is an adult and she refuses to give us her phone number or address so how could we help her? I could go on and on but I have written it before. I told DH this morning, sit back and watch in less then a year you are going to hear from your sisters that she has been used by SD.
Yes my oldest SD deserves a crown. She has always been able to separate herself from her dad and her mom and include me. When she was younger she was a shit but as she has grown into a woman she really points out things that even I did for her. Her big kick about it last night was how great her Dad did with her and how great he is doing with his younger daughters who are her sisters (by the way, she is a wonderful big sister). DH needed to hear what she had to say, she also let him know that SD19 did this to herself it was not how she was raised. She let me know that although SIL just looks at me like I am just DH's wife, that I was a mother to both of the girls.
We are done with that side of the family. All we want is to raise our girls and be left alone by them. I figure to stop talking about the Christmas stuff and it will slowly leave their heads. Going to get a waterpark weekend set up for January or February for just DH, myself and our little girls and I did invite older SD and she is going to work with me on it because she wants to be with her little sisters too. I will let myself calm down a bit as I am considering taking them off facebook too. I am tired of facebook being drama but don't want to lose touch with those that I truly love, sadly mainly friends and not so much family. The girls have my parents (their grandparents) and my sister who has been a good Aunt and it doesn't matter the size of the family to me anymore.
I am still just shocked though (I shouldn't be shocked but I am) at what all happened yesterday, that combined with the ER trip was just too much to handle for me.
I do have a question though, should I get DD8 a counselor? Or should I just let it go and let her forget about it through time? I never thought I would have to question weather or not she should see someone but last night I hugged her and she said she is so mad and she is starting to hate SD19 and that she just wants to scream about it. My baby shouldn't be worried about her dad and I she should be worrying about herself at her age and being a kid.