It's been a long few years since I posted on here and things have changed a lot. DH and I have stayed together, moved to a beautiful new house and have created a stable life, as SKids have grown up and (thankfully away). 
DH stopped being a Disney Dad and clocked onto what was going on, the ways he was being used/manipulated by SKids and BM. This culminated in a suicide attempt and a year spent in therapy.  The newest development is him really finding his voice.

I don't know whether I am here for advice, to vent, or a combination of both...

SKids (now 29, 24 and 21) have just got worse and worse. They now actively come into our beautiful new home, conveying messages from BM and supporting her actions. We haven't seen them all year (asode

from birthdays when they come for gifts) and they've made every effort to show they have no interest in him or me beyond our capacity to provide a meal and gifts. Over the past few weeks, they have really ramped it up. My husband had gradually dwindled and regressed (he was doing so well in therapy) to a point where he can barely sleep and is drinking so much he can't walk straight by 7pm. He is constantly crying because SKids actions are so mean and grabby.

They ruined our family Christmas party on Saturday by causing scenes and tearing the place up crying, like toddlers, after I had put in 3 days of prep work and made all their favourite dishes. This resulted in him sending a message that, if they couldn't resist bringing their mother's abuse into our home and being complicit with her/failing to respect and treat us properly, that he no longer wants a relationship with any of them.

The result? 3 sets of messages back saying we are being unreasonable expecting them to refrain from siding with BM and continuing her abuse. My husband is in bits:  he has drunk so much the last two nights that he can't stand up and I am furious that the SKids' horrible behaviour is still dominating and ruining our lives. I am so sorry that he's found his backbone only to discover the people he loves the most are cold-hearted users who are unwilling to have a relationship on anyone's terms but theirs. He is blaming himself for raising them like this and turning a blind eye to it all, saying he should have listened to me.  
 

I just feel so awful for him. I want to give these awful people a piece of my mind but know that, if I do so, any chance that they will listen or we will ever be reconciled will go out of the window.

My husband has come so far. He doesn't deserve to pay so highly for mistakes which were made because he was trying to raise them without dragging them through adult nonsense.

I hate seeing him abuse himself with alcohol and the toll it's taking on our life together.  I honestly despise my SKids to the core - they are just carbon copies of BM (a clinically diagnosed narcissist). I have no idea where to turn or what to do, to help my husband.