Adult Step-daughter screams daily at my son with autism.
I'm really at a cross-roads here. I'm 33, and live with my SO (39), his daughter (18), her son (2), and my son (5). My son has autism, but he's in kindergarten and is doing very well. I'm online working 2 jobs nearly every day, and I work 30-50 hours per week. I also do nearly 100% of the cooking for our family, and almost all the housework as well (especially the really dirty jobs no one wants to do). I'm sort of introverted, and I keep a lot bottled up inside. I rarely raise my voice or lose my temper. This morning, I lost my zen for about 10 seconds and bit back. My step-daughter's MO has been to funnel her anger and frustrations onto my son and hers. I don't think a day has gone by without her venting at the boys. I pretty much apologized for having a child with autism (which I didn't even mean, because I'm not sorry he is who he is), and told her she needed to do some research on autism and find a better way to deal with it (because it's not going away). She cried and started screaming that she couldn't wait to move out, and then pointed the finger at me for this and that. As I've stated, I work two jobs and take care of our home while she maybe works 15hrs max per week, and does nothing to contribute to the household expenses or upkeep. I've never yelled at her son, even when he's severely bitten, hit, or otherwise injured my own. Although my SO agrees that she needs to stop being so verbally abusive to the boys and pull her own weight more, he will do nothing more than proffer counseling. She's tried counseling and anti-depressants (for less than a week). I love my SO, my step-grandson, and my step-daughter when she's not flipping out. However, if things don't change soon, one of us is going to have to move on here. I simply cannot have my son in this harsh environment.
Wow. My thoughts and prayers
Wow. My thoughts and prayers go out to those two little kids.
What does your so say about this? I think he needs to tell her that if she will not get counseling and take anger management classes and get parenting classes, she's going to have to move. That he'll keep grandson if she wants until she can find a place, but she has to move if she will not do those things and work.
I have Aspergers Syndrome. I have relatives with AS and Autism. I know it can be a handful for anyone. But that doesn't give an adult the right to lose it on a child. I'm sure she's also overwhelmed with her own toddler. But it isn't fair to the kids for her to be exploding on them like this.
If she doesn't agree to get help and start working (is she working?) she needs to move out. Maybe he could offer to help pay for her to get help, but he needs to send the payments to those giving her the help she needs.
If she doesn't agree to get help and so won't kick her out? You should move out.
I think that were I you I
I think that were I you I would give SD a choice. Be a reational semi-adult or get punched in the face on a daily basis when she screams at YOUR special needs son.
Cause, effect. Action, consequence. She has a choice. Stop screaming or get punched in the face. Or better yet, GTFO of YOUR house and support herself and her spawn.
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Wow. My usually very short patience is shorter even than usual. This one just chapped my ass.
IMHO of course.
You need to stop talking and
You need to stop talking and start acting on this. You biting your tongue is not helping. You need to let her know loud and clear, she yells at your son one more time and she's out. If your so doesn't support you then he's part of the problem. This is ridiculous, she's 18' she's overwhelmed and dad should be taking a firmer stand on this. She is abusing his grandchild to.