Adult step daughter daughter

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I was so excited when his daughter turned 18 and was going to college. She moved in with her boyfriend and I thought the weekly visitation was over. I was wrong. She comes over every week and stays the night with her dad. She is not his biological daughter, she is his former step daughter he raised her from 1 year old until she was 8.She is 20 years old 2 year college student with her own apartment. She is hateful, rude, mean, and so very passive aggressive. For instance I know she throws out my belongings and acts like she hasn't seen them. I can't prove it but I am thinking about getting some nanny cams. She won't even sit in the same room as me so her and her dad go to the other room to watch tv or I have to go to my bedroom so I don't piss her off.

The reason she hates me so much is because I told her that she shouldn't be dating her former step brother. Her former step brother is my boyfriend's biological son. They both called him dad. She got mad and hasn't spoken to me since. Even though she broke up with him and is now living with someone else. I finally broke down last night. I told my boyfriend that if she wants to come over and watch movies and tv then she can watch in the same room as me. I am not going to be pushed out of my house. My name is on the mortgage. I bought it years before I met him. I told him if she can't be in the same place as me she doesn't need to come over at all.

She has done some other crazy

She has done some other crazy stuff. Not to me but to her uncle and his girlfriend. She broke a bunch of wine glasses because she didn't like her and she wiped her butt with a tortilla and gave it to her uncle. The worst think she did was replace mouthwash with cleanser of some sort. Pine sol I think. She tried to poison her uncle's girlfriend.

Someone who is that

Someone who is that disrespectful to me would not be allowed in my home. But, my DH would never allow his daughter to treat me like that. He would tell her, himself, that she was not welcome if she acted like that.

THIS ↑↑↑. I agree your

THIS ↑↑↑. I agree your situation is unique, but the advice basically is the same whether it is bio-daughter or wanna-be bio-daughter. Your DH needs to man-up on this big-time. It always pisses me off when SM seems to be the only one vested in maintaining some kind of order in what should be BOTH her and DH's household. Cripes! He's dad. Time for pops to grow a pair.

Seems like dad should have put his foot down long ago on this, and he was the one who set up you and his wanna-be daughter for this estrangement by acting like you and her are on some sort of equal footing. Shiatsu. You're his wife/SO and she is his (or trying to be his) daughter. These are two separate roles. He should be treating you like his wife and his children like his children (whether they are adults are not). Most husbands stick up for their wives vs. letting a child treat a spouse however that child so chooses.

This concerns me that maybe fake dad does have "unnatural" feelings for his wanna-be daughter, since he seems to be treating her like more of a rival girlfriend than anything else. Also, HE should have been the one to put his foot down about his son and her hooking up. Biologically they may not be brother and sister, but they were raised as brother and sister, and yuck! is all I can say.

Best of luck to you. It's your home. If you so choose, tell them all to go to Sodom and Gomorrah. Sounds like they'll feel more at home there.

I told my bf that he needs to

I told my bf that he needs to stand up to her. If she doesn't like me tough.

YOU need to stand up to her

YOU need to stand up to her and let her know she is not welcome in your home - EVER.

My advice is to tell him that

My advice is to tell him that he is welcome to spend as much time with her as he wants, just not in your house.

They can go out for dinner or to a movie or he can stay at her place with her and her boyfriend.

Honestly, it doesn't matter that she's not his biologically, they both feel like they are family so take that out of your discussions with him.
It also doesn't matter what started it. She is no longer welcome in your house.