Your DH needs to take himself to the police station and file harassment charges, then drive to the courthouse and obtain a restraining order.

It's ridiculous that he hasn't shut this shit down long ago. 

The "kids" are adults.  He should only contact them.  In general, there should be no need to have contact with Bm.

NO contact, just not gaslighting you, He will file for an restraining order against BM. But there is always the possibility he likes the attention from his EX. So let’s see what he does 

I'm sorry, I totally get how you feel. Go somewhere else for Christmas - family, friend, alone to Mexico, whatever.  Just go take care of yourself. 

DH has to do whatever he can to make this stop if he wants you to stay, and that includes police action if needed.I always tell myself I should just not let it bother me, but that's impossible for me when it's hanging over our heads all the time.

as this. Then you have to go the legal route. File the paperwork and have her arrest if she doesn’t stop. This most likely will do major damage between DH and his kids, having there mother arrested. Or move on alone and let this disfunction  go on without you.  Your in a no win place 

I understand exactly how you feel. I have already taken down the Christmas tree. I always loved Christmas too. It is already hard since my Mom and brother both died. His daughter makes it horrible. I just want the holidays over. The stress is to much. 

Why can't YOU file harrassment charges since you say she's bothered you too not just your DH?

And why can't your DH hang up the phone the instant he hears her voice?  Answer: Because he doesn't want to.

who used to be married to hubby. Hubby says his cheated on him because while going through divorce in our religion its forbidden to be dating and going out with other men because you are dealing with a divorce where you were still living together and if you get pregnant, nobody wants a hot mess of who’s the daddy. She married in secret at the courthouse while her 3 kids were in primary school. Then told them when they got home from school they have a new daddy now.

she blabbed how in demand she is that she could hook a man right after divorce and noone wanted hubby. The reality is hubby had been tortured and emotionally, mentally destroyed by this psycho of an exwife that he needed breathing space and to find himself, focus on his career. Shortly after he moved up corporate latter and got very successful

5 yrs after divorce he married me, ex wife told the 2 girls she’d kidnap a few years earlier before me and hubby even met, that their dad had converted to christianity and it was her duty to protect her kids. She just saw our marriage as a means to spin things her way.

she was jealous hubby remarried a caucasian woman, much younger than her, able to easily get pregnant and have kids while she’s all dried up and useless at raising the 3 kids she popped out. She doesn’t deserve the respect and title of mum.

she even told the daughters to emphasize how she told them to initiate contacting their dad that she really wants to make amends. Hubby dorsn’t believe it and neither do his family members

i’ve learnt that when you’re dealing with a high conflict narcissistic ex wife, they never change or make amends. They are always out to hurt people, control people, get all the gossip they can to use it to hurt people even more. There comes a point where you shut them out.

exwife has even tried using the daughters as emotional guilt and blackmail hubby to come to her place to meet up and she can apologis eand they can be happy family again. She is married and living in this new husbands home, she has 2 new stepkids and hubby wants nothing to do with her and won’t respond to any comments. Any private issues or apologies she needs to make are sent via daughters phone to hubby, she involves the girls in adult personal stuff, thats her way of controlling everyone.

the midnight call, it could have been hubby thought it was an emergency because i know sometimes we rush to a phone thinking a family member could be hurt. So ask hubby straight up why answer the phone at that time when we’ve had this hot mess with the ex. See what he says. As the 2nd wife and with husbands or spouses who can’t see things as objectively as us, we sometimes do need to make them see sense and remind them or they get suckered in and taken advantage of. My husband is only now learning to disengage from his 3 kids.

why? Because i told him they couldn’t care less about you, you’re their bank. You stop messaging and contacting them every few days and i guarantee nobody will call or message you to see how you are. I felt hubby couldn’t sed how he was letting them rule his life around them, it should be the other way around or some degree of compromise but hubby was non stop cowtowing to their every whim or demand. He’s seen how selfish and self centred they all are and it continues ti get worse

Your DH shouldn’t be calling her back because then he can’t claim harassment if he calls her too. He shouldn’t ever respond. My DHs ex also attempted to harass him when we first got together. He blocked her email address and phone number. She then tried to call from other people’s phones so he got a new phone number. So it could be done. If your DH wants it to stop, there are things he could do to try to stop it. At the very least he should never contact her.  It just gives her encouragement. For whatever reason your DH doesn’t want it to stop

I can’t imagine my DH ever calling crazy BM back or keep allowing this or keep answering to her. Never ever. I feel for you. Your DH is an issue here 

Your DH needs to be treating BM like she is a stalker, not his ex-wife. She wants his attention, and every single time he answers the phone or calls her back he is giving her exactly what she wants. He is providing her "fix." As long as he communicates with her at all, she is going to keep trying. On his end, there seems to be some reason he can't go "no contact" with her - it might be helpful to see if you can figure out why. 

You both need to change your phone numbers. DH should keep his previous number active, that way he will have a record of every incoming call. He can use that one to communicate with his kids. If it is not them calling, no need to answer - ever. If you change your number, there should be no way for her to reach you.

You have more than enough evidence to get a restraining order for yourself. When she breaks it, you can bring charges. Depending on your state, you may be able to bring stalking charges against her now. It is clear that DH is not going to protect you, so you need to start looking out for yourself.

Read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. There are sections in it on how to deal with a stalker and how to deal with a threatening person. You will find lots of helpful, practical advice.

I mean this as kindly as possible, so think of it as a pep talk from a good friend.

If you want the situation to change, take over and take action. Your H has made it abundantly clear that he's not going to handle it, so quit wringing your hands, accept that he's incapable, and take the reins.

LAWYER UP!  Find a shark, and hire him to A) send BM a Cease and Desist letter demanding she stop contacting your DH and you, and then when she freaks out and ramps up, to draw up and petition for Restraining Orders. Get the orders, and enforce them EVERY TIME BM breeches them. 

Has it occurred to you that mental illness is likely a component of all this strife? That's why BM and her kids are a$$es. So get your documentation in order, and get ready to use the legal system to inconvenience BM the way she's inconvenienced you all these years.

I doubt lawyer will take on a case. If BM calls only once in 3 to 4 months and talks about kids (only later switching topics) and she only calls DH and last time he even called her, I don’t see how could SM start legal actions? 

I have visual voicemail on my phone., so voicemails come through as texts.  It makes it a lot easier to delete and ignore.

Find out if your carrier has that. I use to forward certain numbers to a company number that just rings. I also did that to BM's number, lol.  We almost divorced over this garbage, but thankfully I had a good friend that owned her own private detective firm. She taught me some good stuff that I still laugh about when I think about it. Probably saved my marriage. Back in the day when they had pagers you could change out your spouses pager for the exact same one. When spouse got a page, you merely put it through except you could see who is calling. This busted cheating spouses, or those who were in contact with their exes. After a week or so exchange them back.  And if you had someone harassing your dh you didn't have to put that one through. Also, great for certain in-laws that liked to wreck vacations and such..

I know this post is older but I was curious if you had any resolutions? I came on here to search for this topic. Your story could be my story. My Skids are 20 and 25 and BM uses any drama with them to contact DH. This woman is BAT SH!T CRAZY! I was wondering at what point should he block her permanently? They can communicate with him directly. They are no longer co-parenting these kids so why does she have to constantly call and text? My husband says she wont be happy until he is dead