Hi all,

I wonder if anyone is able to help me or has any similar experiences from the other side of the table? My step mum (SM) and I were up all night discussing this and haven't been able to find an alternative. After lots of research it appears that Adult Adoption is not legal in the UK, however it is not clear whether it would be recognised here if we carried out the paperwork in another country or whether there is a UK process that would give us the same benefits?

I'm a 30 year old woman and my dad and SM have been together since I was 10. We recently talked about celebrating our 20th" anniversary" and being able to make our mother/daughter relationship official would be an incredible way to do it. I've always adored her but my own mother was abusive and tried to keep me away from them. After I left home and married I was finally able to stand my ground and for 8 years I have struggled with trying to be diplomatic with all of my parents in an attempt to keep everyone happy, even through the birth of my two children. 

Retrospectively it seems my own mother never much improved her manipulative and emotionally abusive behaviour, which I occasionally confronted her upon but last year she attempted to use these tactics on my son (then two) which was the final straw. We have not seen her since and I do not intend for her to have any further contact with my children. She has not attempted to see them and we have all moved on.

The children (now one and three) have been able to fully embrace their relationship with their grandma (SM) without someone whispering things in their ear, I'm a happier person for finally having the close relationship with her that we've always known was there but had always been nervous to show in case my mother got jealous and tried any of her tricks.

Recently I was treated for a life threatening condition and it made me think again about arrangements for my children should anything happen. We have life insurance and always knew that we wanted my dad and SM to be the beneficiaries and to have custody of the children, but my fear is now that an estranged grandmother could appear from the woodwork and have more right to the children than the grandmother they know and love. If anything happened to my father and it was just SM remaining to take care of them then I know my mother would contest any arrangements just to cause pain and suffering, taking the children would mean that my step mum didn't have them but most likely just for the money.

If I can't be adopted by my SM so that she is legally recognised as my children's grandmother then can I formally disown my own mother to ensure that she stays gone for good? Is there any other legal process that protects both SM and my children?

sorry for the long post, thank you in advance for any help!