2 Issues
Since BS would not attend Christmas at SD's, YSD accused me of filling his head with lies about OSD.
In the aftermath of this disaster DH accused me of "breaking up the family" again. It seems that OSD cries about how this separation of family (me being disengaged) is just tearing her up. I call bullshit because her actions only show me and DH she wants the war to continue. She uses this boo hoo stance to gain sympathy from anyone who will listen. She is now the victim of course.
I was upset for being accused as the one being at fault for the divide but I honestly only disengaged to save my health and sanity.
#2 - OSD and her DH are pushing the family therapy request again to try to mend the fences. I told DH I would never go to counseling with my emotional abuser - not going to happen. I told DH SD SHOULD go to therapy to figure out why she blames her stepmom (me) for all the family issues over the years! I told DH that the only thing that would happen if I attended a family session is being ganged up on and further victimized. I will not do it.
So of course I am the bad guy again because I won't even try to mend things and attend family therapy.
Now that YSD has joined in on the games, things have certainly escalated. She used to be on the sidelines and basically estranged from us - but now that she has reproduced she wants her daddy back.
I am having a hard time staying disengaged mentally.
Go to therapy for yourself.
Go to therapy for yourself. Go to therapy with DH. DH can go to therapy with his kids if her really wants to. His kids NEED therapy to start focusing on their on lives instead of you and DH's. DH needs therapy for blaming you for "breaking up the family" again. They are all sick, including DH! You are right to disengage.
20year, your DH has a history
20year, your DH has a history of throwing you under the bus - mostly for his own convenience. This way HE won;t be the bad guy. I agree with the other posters: let them go to therapy if they want, and you go to therapy to figure out whether you want to stay with your DH and continue being emotionally abused.
OP - You should go to therapy
OP - You should go to therapy by yourself and maybe your DH join you. BUT, IMHO you should never go for this SD joint therapy carp because you are correct, it would be a pile up on you that you don't need.
Let OSD go to therapy on her own and see if anything starts to change.
Your husband is the one who
Your husband is the one who split up the family by not doing the right thing
Mine accused me of splitting up the family too when I refused to attend SD wedding
SD made shit up about me, told my H and tried to get us to fight
In the same phone call she had the unmitigated gall to demand that I support HER marriage by attending the bridal shower
I finally washed my hands of the whole thing and threw up my boundaries
Just say no. No discussion no negotiation. We do NOT negotiate with terrorists!
Again the only person who truly split the family up is H who never did the right thing by putting marriage first and demanding respect for it
Hi. Was planning on posting
Hi. Was planning on posting more info tomorrow. You are right Cat on all counts except BS age. He is 16 and certainly old enough to know his half siblings are not nice people.
SD's are both in their 30's. Oldest One is 38!!!
Also. They think I poisoned my BS and would love if my Bs would be part of their sick clique excluding me. Too bad they were real mean to him growing up too. Nasty bitches.
They need to worry about
They need to worry about their OWN families and quit trying to split up marriages
I find nothing wrong in what
I find nothing wrong in what you are standing for.
1st ~ they are his kids not yours ~ he can't control what they say & what they do. You would hope they would/could and act like respectful adults. But sometimes that can't/wont happen. After they turn a certain age ~ they feel "entitled" to say n do as they please. Not your monkey not your circus.
2nd ~ as far therapy ~ you can't force people to do that ever ~ if you do you never get an authentic result. To me therapy ~ helps you cope with things you can't controll ~ you disengaging is coping.
This issue you speak of is close to my family issue ~ I could CARELESS about(SD) Veruca ~ she made her bed n she can lay in it ~ I will no longer let her take up real estate in my life ~ she has conducted herself with vengeance ~ n I will not be apart of her lashing out. She is angry cause she lost control of he Disney dad ~ sorry sweetie pie ~ would you like a piece of crow pie bitch.
If I EVER find out that my
If I EVER find out that my father laid a guilt trip on my step mother for "breaking up our family", I will totally and finally go bat shit crazy on him. I mean if there's even a hint . . .
My relationship suffered with my father by his own lack of trying. He may have expected his wife to MAKE him do the right things by me, but that wasn't her responsibility.
What is with these men who refuse to assume any responsibility for the state of disrepair their own family is in? Are we raising our boys to be completely helpless in relationships? Why do they still, in 2015 think it's the woman's - any woman's responsibility to keep HIS family together?
Whatever you do do NOT attend
Whatever you do do NOT attend that therapy session, I love how our Adult Stepchildren blame us for their crap, my SD just sent her father a msg asking why do I have to be included in anything, why can't he just have a relationship with her and his grandkids, and that it was me that came between them, what a joke that is, his response was yea sure you come on over and leave your husband at home, we have been together for 6 years and all the backstabbing started 2 weeks after we met, we have tried everything to sort out his family shit but it was just making us ill, now we just concentrate on us and when they are ready to apologise for their disgusting behaviour we might think about trying to move on, it's all up to them now !
This is how most stepchildren
This is how most stepchildren feel. Yours was just being honest. Doesn't mean it's "right". But it's honest. My question to SMs. Why force yourself on people who don't want you? To show them who's boss? How awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. I couldn't do it just to prove a point. I'd rather be fishing.
Mine wasn't to make anyone
Mine wasn't to make anyone uncomfortable at all ~
When a 16 year old kid wants to try and run MY life I have an issue. When she was asked if she felt neglected by her Mom ~ response ~ Yes. Do you feel neglected by your father ~ Nope. I tried to empathize with her on many levels ~ her dad having a relationship with a woman with kids has to be tough but according to her ~ it was great ~ UNTIL I saw through her endless bullshit.
Don't feed me shit and tell me it taste good. When you either A ~ can't be honest. Or B ~ you figured you can't manipulate me.
I can respect honesty ~ but when you a liar & you are all over the board with your bullshit ~ cause you can't figure out why you should hate me cause I never did a damn thing to you.
Yes, I understand OPs
Yes, I understand OPs situation is differently. I was more or less addressing the poster who said their DH got a text from SD asking why AM has to be included in everything. Why SD and grandchildren just focus on relationship with father/grandfather. It reminds me of some of the SMs who accompany DHs to things that the Steps would rather they not. Like baby showers for instance.
Most SM's don't want to force
Most SM's don't want to force themselves on skids! My Skids have unrealistic expectations. First they didn't want me or my BS around. They played nasty games and were passive aggressive with their antics - sometimes downright aggressive to my face too. Of course, I tried harder and harder every year to build relationships and keep the family happy.
The stress of their ugliness got so bad that I got real sick and had multiple serious health issues ongoing for approx. 3 years.
Decided to disengage after the last terrible incident approx 2 years ago (maybe a little longer).
Now the Skids are pretending to want to mend things but their actions do not show it. Same passive aggressive stuff but add a little "poor me victim" by the skids. Big bad mean stepmom won't go to family therapy to be told she is all wrong and SM needs to keep taking the abuse to keep the family together.
I have been at this far too long to even think they can be civil and respectful. I have been healthier in the past 2 years than I have been in a long time.
I have been to therapists on my own and with DH over the past 5-6 years. DH doesn't really care for therapy. NO doubt because he didn't hear what he wanted to hear. It was recommended for me to stay away from toxic people and situations that cause undue stress.
I see no reason to join in their family therapy. I wish they would go and sort out why they are using me as a scapegoat for all that is wrong in their world.
"his response was yea sure
"his response was yea sure you come on over and leave your husband at home"
Hope your DH got extra lovin for that awesome respone!!!
The poster that said dad and
The poster that said dad and the SD are sick nailed it
They want SM to be sick too and they're trying to drag her back into the mud with them
Life's too short
FTG! ( Eff those guys! )