Visitation time: when DH isn't there (warning: long read)
I am going to go on a little rant. First of all, I have been with DH for 7.5 years, married since July. SD is 8.5. So I have basically been around her whole life. DH and BM never had a relationship, it was just a couple of hook-ups, and an oops to follow. BM has always had a problem with me, which naturally makes me have a problem with her. One of the biggest issues I have is that she does not want me to be alone with SD. Why? She doesn't say. She has even told SD recently (within the last year) that she can't be alone with me. SD has told me this during times when her father was away for a few hours. You could tell SD was upset, like she didn't want to get into trouble. DH says that if BM can dictate who SD spends time with during her time, he is allowed during his time. (SD spends time with BM BF during her time, and he is known to be abusive, she is also goes to multiple caregivers). But yet she still has a problem with me. It shouldn't bother me, but it does. I feel like she should just get over it by now, but she hasn't.
Now she has a problem with my parents. Last month, during his (I am specifying his, bc it isn't equally my time bc no one cares how I feel about it) time, me and DH went out and let the girls stay at my parents for an overnight. (Side note: we have to not only use our time for ourselves and our D we have together, but we have to share it with the rest of the family both his and my side). We left at 5 pm, got back at 8 am. So not like we were gone a long time. Every relationship needs a date night. We found out she was upset that SD spent time with my parents...So not only does she have a problem with me, but she has a problem with my family. When her family is back, DH allows SD to stay with BM to see them during his time, but when either of our families are back, she won't allow it. SD wasn't even allowed to come to DH grandma's funeral during her time even though he allowed SD to go to her grandmas funeral on BM side during his time. And me, being the micro-managing person I am, try and push DH to stop being so flexible and to push for his time more, but it only makes things worse. I cannot stand to not have an opinion, and be treated like I am nothing in SD life at the same time. I really wish I had more rights in the situation, but it feels like my hands are tied. I cannot say anything without DH getting upset with me, I cannot do anything, because I have no rights. It just sucks.
I can go on and on, but I will stop here, just looking for some opinions and thoughts on how I can deal with this better. Thanks!
Ignore the whore. Tell SD
Ignore the whore. Tell SD it's simple - mom's rules for mom's house - Dad's rules for dad's house.
We do tell her this. The
We do tell her this. The problem is though that SD faces the repercussions of everything when she gets home. When her mom is upset about something we have done, she will tell SD about it. It is something a now 8 year old shouldn't have to deal with. It's like whenever we (DH and myself) do something that BM doesn't agree with, SD faces the rath.
SD has even asked me if we should keep it (being alone with me without her father) a secret. I told her that we don't keep secrets from her mom. I try to be the better person, but it is so hard when I know what SD is going through. I just want to intervene, but I am not allowed.
I like this plan. A lot of
I like this plan. A lot of times these men don't "get it" until they are inconvenienced. Sad but true.
I totally get where you guys
I totally get where you guys are coming from. No the agreement does not include me, but at the same time DH and I have a child together, and the agreement does include spending time with siblings. So the time my daughter is looking forward to spending with her sister, she can't because their father isn't around for a few hours? He would never get the time back, as laid out in the agreement if he left SD with BM during his time. So not only does he lose out on time, our daughter does as well.
The biggest problem I have with her throwing a conniption is that how it is ok during her time for her to drop SD off wherever and with whoever she pleases (including her abusive boyfriend, who SD has told us multiple times that she does not like), but it is not ok for DH to? And DH doesn't drop her off with random people. It is usually at home with me, or with his parents. BM even throws a fit when i pick her up at DH parents house and bring her home where he is. I do this bc i work closer and its only on the days our daughter is there too. thing with my parents was basically a one time thing. They live 3 hours away. It was a planned trip for 3 months. It was scheduled during a weekend that was not ours in the first place, but BH needed to switch, so it ended up being our weekend. I never go to my parents without DH, because I do respect her wishes in that aspect. But when we are at home?
The fact is that if the CO
The fact is that if the CO does not stipulate a FROR then BM gets absolutely zero say in anything to do with your DH's time with his kid. She has a choice ..... STFU or STFU.
Since she had proven herself to be manipulative the answer to any request for access to the Skid during DH's time must be a constand and categorical No!!!
You and DH need to both keep a rolled up copy of the CO at hand at all times so you can smack BM about the head and shoulders with it any time she tries to manipulate.
IMHO of course.