As long as the "Old BM System" is firmly in place, usually they couldn't care less if a child is being alienated by his/her mom against his/her dad; let alone the Stepmom.

In most family courts in the U.S., the SM has zero rights, but is told she is still responsible for the children during visitation. Which is pure garbage!

Auteur is right. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do in court about the alienation of stepparents. If she is harassing you, you can document it and get a restraining order.

IMO this is alienation against your dh as well. How do you think it affects family functioning in your home if your skids are alienated against you? Do you think it might cause some stress in the relationhip between dh and his kids if they hate you, disrespect you etc based on crap bm has spewed?

The bm is targeting any family member of dh's that the kids are exposed to regularly is, IMO, alienation against your dh as well.

It is alienation, but the question is, will anybody give a damn as it is happening the the stepmother. I don't know. I think stepmoms are the underdog. In my DH's custody case, I had to go through a psych evaluation even though I had nothing to do with the mess that the two bio parents had created. I felt humiliated over the whole thing. BM's boyfriends didn't have to be subjected to this, but because I was married to daddy, I had to.

I think the courts DO care if one parent is alienating the other from the kids. PAS is starting to get more attention. However, alienating kid from Step, im not sure that a judge would side with you. I think the best option, since you mentioned they are going back to court, is have your husband make a few modifications to the parenting plan LIKE: NEITHER PARENT IS ALLOWED TO SPEAK NEGATIVLY OF THE OTHER OR THEIR RESPECTIVE SPOUSES IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN, FAILURE TO COMPLY PUNISHABLE WITH FINES, AND MULTIPLE OFFENCES COULD RESULT IN LOSS OF VISITATION RIGHTS, POSSIBLY CUSTODIAL RIGHTS. See how she likes that. Document any subsequent incidents, and once you get a handful or enough to show that she is intentionally ignoring the stipulation, take her to court for contempt. (one probably wont be enough).
Then get her a nice journal for Xmas so she can write what she thinks about you nstead.

send her a cease and desist letter if she violates its admissible in a court of law. just have to send it certified mail. had to do it with BM she's crazy!!

Would it apply if you sent a cease and desist letter as an individual, being harrassed by another individual? I wonder if taking the relationships out of it might make a difference.

A year ago we had a custody evaluation done, by a Forensic Psychologist. The study found that BM was allienating their daughter from BD and that the youngest child was exhibiting the same behavior, who was in the early stages of it. Our case went to a high conflict family court. This weighed very heavily in our case and we now have the children 50/50. The judge warned BM that if she doesn't stop her behavior, she will be making more changes. In the judges words "You have everything to lose and Dad has nothing to lose but everything to gain".

The judge also gave a very long monolog (SP?) about me the SM involvement with raising the children. BM was told that she does not need to like me but to show respect to me and get along with me. Their daughter has not changed her behavior and no longer lives in our home (BD decision) , the boys are much better. BM will not give me the time of day, but I consistently show respect to her. Her boys have asked "why does my mom hate you so much?" My response is "you need to ask her".

I take very good care of my SS and show them love and respect. The more you stay consistent with who you are the more it angers BM. Don't lower your standards to hers and play in her game. You're SC will figure it out and know what a great person you are.

Hi MJL,
I am new to this site but perhaps I can help.
My dh was recently awarded full custody of his daughter because the bm was doing the same thing with her daughter. We had been documenting EVERYTHING. Dh originally had Joint custody which would of been fine except bm kept bad-mouthing us and doing everything she could to turn her daughter against us. She was playing stupid games with exchanges and, well...you probably know how it is. We kept in constant contact with her sd's teachers and after-school child care leaders. We took her to see a therapist whenever we could and all of this helped tremendously. During custody trial dh presented all his documentation. He presented all of the nasty emails bm sent to us. AND, there was documentation from the social worker who was investigating our case. The social worker interviewed sd's teachers, after school leaders, and therapist. ALL of them stated that dh and I seemed very concerned with sd's well-being. They had heard virtually NOTHING from bm. They also stated that sd would mention her stressful home environment. Sd would tell them things like, "My mom hates my dad. She says he's a liar and manipulator and he doesn't really love me" etc, etc.
The judge gave bm a very long lecture and awarded us full custody because "Father's judgement is sound and the court believes he will give the child a healthier home environment in which to reside". The court documents also said "...mother's negativity towards father appears to be emotionally detrimental to and NOT in the child's best interest....supervised visitation may be awarded if it is found that mother does not cease with this behaviour".
YAY! May this give you hope that sometimes courts DO see through all the crap some bm's put their kids through. IMHO, it's emotionally abusive to a child when mom tries to get the children on "her side". My first words to dh after we heard the verdict? "Good for us and good for HER that stupid bitch!"

Hi MJL2010,

It's funny I just checked your topic today because BM is working overtime on alienating me from the skids. Your note back to me meant alot. I re read my advice to you and I'm glad I was some help to you.

These BM's with the PAS problem are a pain in the ass. My SS's are acting up because BM and sister are working on them. I was close to my ss10 and he could never understand why his BM hated me. Now, I feel like he's on guard, can't enjoy himself and watches every move I make.

It's depressing

To be honest with you i have dealt with this same issue for years. She even went as far as telling my stepdaughter that 1. I took her dad from her mom, and 2. That ii was gay before. Because she knew i used to date women, she tried to accuse me of licking and touching her daughter. She mad this accusation but never followed through with the police. It has been now 8 years, and i still deall with the bitter and hatefull talk from mom. When i would see her, I would say stuff to her, and told her if she got something to say say it to me. At the same time, I would keep reinterating to the my stepdaughter that we are like a tight handshake. I would practice with her and tell her no one can break that up but me you and god. Her daughter is so used to it after a while, my SD would argue with her mom. Now her mom is so angry that her daughter gets upset when she talks about me, mom stopped coming to see her. Its been two months. It stinks because truthfully stepparents take alot in a relationship. Good luck

The courts won't do shit! But there is ONE thing that prevails... You have to have patience Someday the kids are no longer kids, someday that KID will think for themselves and start seeing things and YOU for who YOU really are. That you were always there and even put up with abuse from their own BM and that it was wrong. They WILL grow to see that trash talk from one parent about another was the WRONG thing to do and that BM will regret making those choices... She will regret lying to them and even deny it, to them and to herself for being responsible.

Our 14 year is starting to fill in some of the pieces himself, he is starting to see lie after lie (some of them HUGE about his Father, orchestrated by her) He has even started to confront her (I warned him that he will only get grounded for asking, but to ask himself WHY she would ground him for asking...That it would only be because he was asking the RIGHT questions, questions that deserve an answer!) Sure enough he was grounded, never apologized too and then ultimately she broke down and started kissing his BUTT! He see's it!!! BY GOD HE CAN SEE!!!!!! lol The time will come, hang in there... Keep doing what you are doing, raise those kids to be good people, loving people. You WILL be rewarded Let her bury herself for the future relationships she will or will no longer have with the kids for lying and being nasty about you and your Husband (their Father) You'll see