Why would it be illegal for anyone to go on a field trip? Could a grandma go on a field trip? Sure she could. I am sure your dh knew you were going and the school was ok with you going-so no, it's not illegal-no one is going to arrest you for going on a field trip. I would just try and coordinate this in the future. I really do think the bm should get "first dibs" on field tips.

It's not a matter of legal or illegal. It's school policy. At my girls' elementary school anyone who wants to volunteer and can submit an interested persons report (background check) can volunteer, and anyone who has parental permission can go on a field trip. You don't need her permission if you have your DHs. That said, whose parenting time did the field trip fall under and did her BM want to go? If the field trip
fell on BMs time and she had wanted to go, I would have gone with that plan. My advice is tainted, though. I wouldn't really know what to do if the BMs too an interest in the skids' school stuff. I'd probably have a heart attack.

If BM is a good mom who puts SD first, and you and DH normally have a decent relationship with her, I'd say let her have first dibs on the field trips. In the future, DH might want to ask her if she's volunteered to go on the trip once everyone has known about it for awhile. If she says yes, then you know what to do. If she says no, and you have DH's permission and a good relationship with SD, then go by all means. BM in my case doesn't have custody and I have a great relationship with my SDs. So like GoodbyNormaJean, I'd probably have a heart attack if she lifted a finger to show some interest in the SDs.

I am sure Cricket036 that the school knows you are the stepmother especially from the response of the BM - I am sure she makes trouble and creates scenes quite a bit - and yes you had every right to go on the field trip - in fact I used to go all the time when my SS lived with us - they knew I was the SM and I even signed all of his report cards and any other correspondence from the school - his mother was always promising to come out and visit him especially during the school year so all his friends could meet his "cool" mother - too bad for my SS they all thought I was cool and it would drive him crazy - see I don't give a crap what people think of me as long as I know I am being the best mother I could be then that was all that mattered -

The one time that BM was going to come out she actually was coming out with her married boyfriend and would have only been able to see SS for one dinner out of 5 days - but too bad for her her married BF's wife decided at the last minute to tag along and BM of course would not come out only to see her son so another heartbreaking moment for him when he realized that his mother put her BF before him and of course we could not explain that he was married and the wife was coming along we could only say that she could not get a ticket -

So Cricket you enjoy those trips and tell BM and anyone else to shove off!!! ANd if you are married to DH it is very legal for you to go on the trip!!!

Oh BTW Cricket - welcome to ST - and enjoy your time here and vent and come to us with any questions you may have we are all here to help and be there for one another - WELCOME!!

I totally disagree on letting BM have "first dibs". If I'm good enough to do your laundry, help with your homework, teach you right from wrong, buy you clothes, make-up, electronics, etc...then I'm good enough to attend your field trip. If the kid asks SM to attend, she should be able to. I don't think BM should be enabled to just pick and choose what she's involved in...if she can't put in her time through the not so fun, tough, daily tasks, then she shouldn't feel entitled to get first dibs on the fun stuff either.

Ooh, Stepmomx2, I am with YOU here!!! I like how you said that. Our BM is always upset when she hears that I have done anything at SSs school- and I have kept my functions at their school pretty minimal- but she does not want me there EVER. She told the boys that she "...moved them to a different district so that she wouldn't have to see my face". She believes that because she and her ex share custody of SSs (not me)...and even though he's married to me and I do all of the above for them, I should not have any other things to do with them.

You have every right to go on the field trip with your SD. It isn't a "legal" issue at all. It's BM putting her ego before her daughter's needs. If SD didn't want you to go, then it would have been a different situation all together.

I've been through it too. BM gets upset if I am involved in the children's lives. If BM's would only get the concept that their children are blessed to have more than 2 parents in their lives to love them,,, the world would be a different place!

We always let BM have first dibs ( even though we know out of every field trip both of her kids had taken she only went on 1 and was asked not to volunteer anymore)

My son goes to a different school than my SK's but they are in the same district,
My son does OM and lego robotics and I coach both of these and because I am a coach I have had to have a background check which is good for 5 years and im able to go on any school activity without anyones permission

If BM says she cant or wont go on a field trip I do not need her permission to go with the kids, I just need to know its ok with thier father, Because he has just as much say as she does,

BM went on 1 school field trip with her daughter and was politely asked not to volunteer anymore, she had lost 2 of her kids in her group, spent the enitire time texting on her phone and took several smoke breaks and actually told the kids in her group she needs a drink because they are getting on her effing nerves, hahaha

Of course you can participate in any school activity with your kids/Skids that you want to. BM can bitch all she wants but is is NOT illegal for you to participate in your Skids school activities.

I am StepDad to my SS-19 and have been since he was 1yo. I went to every PT conference, school function, dance, school trip, and signed every permission slip, etc... I wanted to and never had anyone ever question my being there or question my signature on any form my SKid needed signed by a parent. For damned sure no one ever bithched when I contributed significant money to the purchase of new grand piano for the school, helped pay for band trips, chaparoned, trips, dances, etc.....

BM shows her idiot colors with her comments and behavior.

Keep participating in your Skids school activities regardless of if BM wants you to or not.

IMHO of course.