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do i as the step mom have any rights?

moralou28's picture

Submitted by moralou28 on Thu, 09/02/2010 - 6:24pm

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Stepparent Rights

So I recently married my ex-husbands brother... (i know) and now have 3 beautiful step daughters ages 6 5 and 4. the ex-wife And my new hubby are still fighting for custody, as of now it is un-determined, however since she lied And claimed "domestic violence" she has more control than he And hates he and I together. she won't allow me to pick them up not even from school And won't allow them to spend over nights. she even got pissed that I wrote a letter to the school requesting that copys of correspondence about his And my daughters (our kids go to the same school) be also sent to our house as well. she says I have No right! And just because i am their step mom does not mean i have guardianship or any rights. is this true?

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Thu, 09/02/2010 - 6:28pm

Stepparents have no specific rights when it comes to skids. However, being in a custodial situation, i.e. dad is away and skids are in your care, you can make certain control and discipline decisions.

Depending on the state in which you live, your DH may be able to give you power of attorney to a certain extent concerning school, pickups, dropoffs and medical.

Torn's picture

Submitted by Torn on Thu, 09/02/2010 - 8:46pm

Yes, the BM is correct. Unfortunately. In the legal system, step parents are just another stranger. Now, if you were to legally adopt his children, then and only then would you have any rights. Until then, you have no say in anything, what so ever. I'm sorry. Trust me, it irks the hell out of me too. Smile

AVR1962's picture

Submitted by AVR1962 on Fri, 09/03/2010 - 3:07am

I went to an attorney years ago asking the same question. Step parents have no legal rights.

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Fri, 09/03/2010 - 7:13am

I would wait it out until custody is determined and then go from the CO. You can have them spell out in the CO some of the issues you mention. In regards to pick up/drop off our CO says that any member of my DH's immediate family (ME) can pick up the SKIDS, and whomever ends up custodial can determine who can and cant pick up the kids from school and then notify the school accordingly. Unless the domestic violence thing is proven, even if you DH does not end up the custodial parent, he will get a parenting plan that includes overnights. Anytime you write the school, doctors office, etc. just write it in your DH's behalf. Write what you want to know/say but have him sign it. This way you cant get nailed for stepping over the line. My DH isn't the kind of guy that will sit down and write a letter, so as his wife I do it for him and then just let him sign it. You do not have any legal rights to his kids but if you become custodial you will have a lot more responsibility and if they are primarily in your home you will have implied rights in the home; the right to set rules, enforce them, etc.