Who can afford to go back to court?
I see a lot of going back to court, being served, etc. on different posts throughout this site. Most often because of immature, jealous, vendictive ex's -- usually the BM. Who in the world can afford this?! My BF walks on egg shells because he can not have his ex getting mad and hauling him back to court. Even if it is on frivilous charges or charges that we know are false but very severe. I know for a fact he can not afford an attorny.
One co-worker of mine went through years of his ex always threaten to take him back to court. He said it stopped when he found a good enough lawyer who sent the ex a letter that called her bluff. He also said it is considered a federal offense to threaten someone with a lawsuit.
Tell me, how do you guys fight these women who threaten to drag back into court and who actually do?! Especially if you doing all you can do to barely make ends meet.
Borrow enough money...
...to get a better attorney than the one she's got.
~ Anne ~
Not Always
Then the kids and bm are hurt and angry, then they don't want to see or visit. Or when they do come to visit its forced and they stay in their rooms or have a lousey time. They don't want to call or email, all because you keep taking them into court and costing them money also. *Both families suffer economically, will a "Good Lawyer dulvge that? NO, so
A lot of money spent for nothing. The sad truth is no matter how psycho the bm is, she's still their mother. When you go after her you go after the kids also. Most of the people posting here that have done that, have gotten those same results. Aside from that they harm their marriage, and their children.
Sometimes as difficult as it is, its good to look inward and see why the children could be alienated. Often theres some good reasons and both spouses are to blame.
Anne said it all....
NCP should have rights too! That is what we have had to do..we are on our way backtocourtbecause of all the bm's games(withholding visitation, changing address and phone number and not giving them to us thus ensuring we cannot enforce visitation....and the list goes on and on and on and on.)We are fortunate that DH's father is as fed up with his former daughter in laws games as we are, that he has retained and attorney for us to get her back in court..if not for my father in law we would still be in the same position, letting bm have all the power and control!
It seldom does any good
I have also read many posts on here about court, and mostly the ones who pull the bm into court usually end up losing. Its very similar to the Baldwin case, in the end the bm and kids end up hating what dad and new wife did to all of them. It usually is about jealously though imo, and if you read many of these posts you will see that clearly and where it got them. Zip!
Vindictive BMs and Hostile Parenting/Alienation
You are absolutely, 100% right. The court's favor the BM, whether or not anyone is willing to admit it. My husband is the victim of a campaign of denigration started years ago by BM, and now the baton's been handed over to his 15 yr old FD. 11 yr old MS now starting to follow suit... GAL and kids' counselor dismiss any and all concerns raised by my husband as petty and overreactive. They have bought BM's stories hook, line & sinker. GAL even used "parental alienation" as something BM is doing but backed it up with it somehow being warranted, which couldn't be FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH!!! People w/no boundaries and no rules (in this case BM) win. The judicial system is broken (and I've been a Judicial employee for almost a decade!) and men/fathers have little to no rights. It's as though a BM is automatically given the benefit of the doubt, right from the get-go! This is a tragedy, it's been surreal and I am convinced A.Baldwin is going thru the same thing. WHEN DO BIRTH FATHERS AND ALIENATED PARENTS GET RIGHTS?!!!
Age 15!
At that age they can decide who they want to live with and how much they want to visit. A parent that continually harasses the other one about petty stuff will lose. Alec Baldwin, your kidding. That nut is the only one alienating his daughter. I wouldn't want to be around that either and we expect an 11 or 12 year old to? She probably also saw her mother being pulled into court over and over, and his pig remarks have let everyone see who is at fault.
Not True in NC
Not true in my state. A 15 year old may have some say so but only if the Judge finds good reason for he/she to change visitation such as better schools etc. I got out of the mouth of my Attorney.
WOW!
As a GAL myself I think PAS is a very serious action and it is never warranted ... the children never deserve that kind of behavior from a BP. You need a new GAL. I do have to say that the person who has cusoty is apt to have the benefit of the doubt, but ... I do not hesitate to recommend for bio-father if he is what is in the child's best interests. I also believe, if there is no reason for bio-father not to have more time with kids, and he wants more time with the kids, and it's realistic - then so be it.
The system is changing, it's just slow. I think you need a new GAL ...
As for the question in the post ... from my experience ... people borrow if they cannot afford an attorney, or a family member pays for it.
Us ... I'm also a family law paralegal so I do all the paperwork, and our attorney charges me a lot less. Most states are form driven ... if you can learn your state's requirements and then make a deal with your attorney to let you do the draft and let them finalize it.
~ Katrina
In our case...
We pay into a legal plan through my DH's employment. Saves us a lot... and then we have had to pull loans out in the past. But unlike what Anonymous states, we have won more each time and gotten further. I think it's all a matter on your attorney (meaning how good of a lawyer they really are), how much you document, and know about the law in particular to your case, and you have to be consistent. You just don't give up.
That's one of the problems, I feel, with our legal system is that because of the tribulations father go through and favoritisms for mothers, fathers just give up and they, the court, know this. But if you just document, treat it as a business transaction, so the emotions are out, let the BM ruin or make your case for you, sort of thing, you can succeed. The focus must and has to always be what is in the best interest of the child, however. If you can't prove that, than no, you'll never win as a father.
Court is and can be very expensive. If it weren't for family, and some belt tightening, we would probably won't be sitting with the visitation agreements we have today. We have 50/50 with SS, with a BM who tried and tried to remove DH from SS's at every opportunity, and tried and tried and tried to get more child support, but it all backfired and failed on her. We now have visitation with my SD, where we didn't have any before. It's on a tiered plan where the time will get incrementally longer each month, and by the time we have her overnight, we will be able to extend it more, but we have to go back to mediation and court again... you bet we will.
We also have a 'savings' plan, that every single paycheck, DH will take a set/agreed upon amount, that is automatically taken out by his bank so we don't see it, and put into another account that we just don't touch. It is our legal fund for retainers for lawyers if needed... and we needed it this year! Something as simple as $20 bucks a month can add up, and if both you and your DH did it, it would obviously double quicker. The more you can devote is better, though. I used to devote 10% of my paycheck to the fund, but I stopped working a few years ago. Just something to consider.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
We Had to haul BM Back To Court
Just so she couldn't give us problems in the Summer with not getting all the court ordered documentation to us and she STILL found a way to give us problems this year as well. I don't understand why she can't just do what she is court ordered to do and not make it so stressfull for the kids. This year although she got the basic documentation to us she still is holding back the money for the passports which she is responsible for. The kids can't go see her without their passports being renewed. This documentation will prevent her from kidnapping the children so DH is adament about getting it.
With us it hasn't been about the money so much. We had our summers held hostage every year because this woman wouldn't communicate with us whether or not she was taking the kids on her visitation. The year before last she didn't tell us at all and we lost the day care center for the summer and had to scramble for a babysitter. Last year she just decided to drop airline tickets on us last minute causing us to miss work and scramble to get the kids to an airport that is 3 hours away!!!! She didn't give us all the documentation and fought until the last minute to get it. This summer we will just not send the children if she doesn't do what she is required to do....period.
It is about a vindictive ex trying to control everyones lives and protecting ourselves against her. I have never seen anything like her.
Vindictive ex.
NCP should have rights too! I have seen one like her...my husbands ex...they must be related or at the very least took the same 'How to create havoc in your ex's life" class.....omg