What do you think?
DSS was placed with his grandmother as part of a safety plan due to potential abuse on his stepfather's part. He's shown signs of being abusive with her and because of that and the fact BM can't get along with her mother (understandable she's horrid) he gets bounced to his grandfather's so she can spend the weekend with him if her dad has heat. The initial removal happened early Sept. and was supposed to be a short 6-8 week thing and now the parenting classes don't end until later this month and her and her husband have to go to counseling (and he needs anger management) prior to DSS being returned to her home. Since it's such a long time, DH wants him with us (we're a few states away) and once he's allowed in his mother's home he wants a different custody agreement.
Does this seem fair?
I would like physical custody of my son while his mother and her husband complete the safety plan DCF has set in place for both him (my son) AND her. At that time I would like a custody agreement where we share physical and legal custody to be put in place. All visitation expenses should be shared 50/50. While I’m on shore duty I would like my son to be with me during the school year and his mother during the summer; with this arrangement reversed while I’m on sea duty. All visits should be planned and notice given to the custodial parent 72 hours in advance via email. I would like weekly Skype sessions to take place and I would like my son’s last name hyphenated with my last name and his mother’s maiden name. I would also like any therapy and medical treatment started to be continued at his mother’s home.
Anything?
Anything?
What does your attorney
What does your attorney think?
No attorney. Had one and the
No attorney. Had one and the arrangement wasn't what we thought so we're forging it on our own with some legal advice from a solid source. We got a questionnaire that asked us what we wanted to do custody wise. Basically what we wanted to see happen in the long run.
So your husband is asking for
So your husband is asking for residential placement of SS during the school year when DH is not deployed (or whatever it's called), but residential placement of SS is to revert to the mom, who is a few states away, when DH is deployed?
I think this is a terrible plan. That kind of disruption is not good for a child. What if DH gets deployed midyear?
1. The area where she lives
1. The area where she lives isn't high military. To get someone familiar with military personnel we have to pay someone to travel across the state.
2. The only reason he was placed with Grandma is because we're out of state.
3. He's offering that in an attempt to be fair to her. If the judge is fine with him being with me when he's on sea duty (which isn't until 2012) then he's fine with that too. He's worried about a judge being upset with his son being with me for 7-9 months at a time without him. He's on shore duty right now and the most he'd be alone with me is during the day until he starts school and one night a month when my husband has to stand watch "overnight". (He gets off at midnight.)
4. My husband and his son's mother were never married. The son's name is currently Firstname Mother'sMaidenName which she no longer has since she's gotten married. He'd like to be Firstname Hislastname-Mothersmaidenname to create some permanence for his son in regards to his identity. Despite him visiting when he can and calling he's often confused about who Daddy is because EVERY boyfriend has been Daddy. He's 4 now but if this marriage falls through (and it's looking like it's going that way because his "alleged abuse" of SS is what got him removed and his "alleged abuse" of HER is what got the separation extended) DH is worried about that starting up again and just wants his son to have some permanence as to who he is.
5. The 72 hour bit has been in place since DH's son was born. He was on sea duty then and they agreed that he could see his son whenever he could get leave and he wants to extend that right to her. If she has the money and wants to see her son he wants her to be able to. It has always been he can see his son whenever he wants to provided he emails her to let her know 72 hours in advance. My husband is NOT comfortable with her just showing up whenever she wants if we get custody of him.
Keep in mind DCF mission is
Keep in mind DCF mission is to return the child to the custodian they were removed from regardless of circumstance. You need an lawyer asap.