Paying BM Child Support But Kid Lives FT w/ Dad
I guess it was worked out in their divorce papers that he would pay child support but he has the kid 6 days a week. The mom sees her Sat day and Sun morning.
He's afraid to reopen the can of worms incase somehow he is made to pay even more or she demands full custody.
So I guess my question is, does any of this make sense?
Oh and a little background, BM got preggo so he married her and bought them a home putting down large portion of inheritance money. BM than sleeps around on him after kis is born. He can't prove this in court cuz apparently pics or it never happened..? They divorce and she reluctantly moves out the house but only after taking him for half of the house price and child support for a kid she's never raised.
Do you think she has a leg to stand on if he stopped paying? It's not court ordered or though the system or anything. It's just written out in the papers.
Oh and worth a mention, he's
Oh and worth a mention, he's terrified she will try to take full custody which is why he just keeps eating the shit here and paying it.
I don't get why people are
I don't get why people are always terrified the other will get full custody. That doesn't happen. It is usually just 50/50 unless there is a good reason for it not to be.
How a court ever OKd him having the kid 6 days a week but paying child support is beyond me. I would've gone back to court the very next day.
Yeah no idea how that worked
Yeah no idea how that worked out. And also in the paperwork it states she is to stay in the school in this township and the mom lives an hour away so that's another thing he's got in his defense.
If mom is already out of the
If mom is already out of the area i don’t see it being a problem. I can see her aggempting to make it one if she’s a nut bag but that wouldn’t go anywhere.
If it’s in “the papers” it is probably enforceable.
He needs to see a lawyer. The lawyer can review the papers and give him advice.
The lawyers will probably end
The lawyers will probably end up costing more than he is paying is his thought process. And if mom wants daughter he assumes the court will side with her...
I keep talling him he's wrong, this is his thinking.
Men believe that because it
Men believe that because it happened for so long but they go for 50/50 almost always now. He has the kids already almost full time, they are fine, any judge would see that. My best friends ex wife claimed everything should cohoe to the tune of over 500k in lawyers fees combined and she still got 50/50. (That involved the divorce and a business they both owned hence the insanity in price...and her dragging it out and making stuff up constantly).
He doesn’t have to hire
He doesn’t have to hire anyone, he needs a consultation. Consultations are usually reasonably priced.
Sometimes an increased
Sometimes an increased investment is worth it to beat the toxic opposition into submission. The side willing to invest it all, and possibly lose, will ultimately come out on top. At least most of the time.
My bride is the prototypical example of this. When the SpermClan went after custody of SS-26 upon hearing that his mom was dating someone when he was 15mos old, they thought that the SpermGrandParents resources would either intimidate her into surrendering custody or bury her financially to the point that she would have to give up. Instead she took out a pile of supplemental student loans and called their bluff. They delayed hearings at the last minute to force my bride to buy plane tickets repeatedly for hearings that seemingly would never happen, they would pretend to negotiate then pull out at the last minute requiring a restart of negotiations, etc, etc, etc.... She got the best attorney that was remotely affordable and due to their cheap ass bullshit their attorney was not quite as good. The evening before the hearing they refused the final counter offer of visitation my wife offered them. They started by going after custody, to bolster the their perception to the court they dropped the custody suit and shifted to offering my bride that they would take EOW visitation, she refused and offered them 9 weeks. They countered with 26 weeks of visitation, she refused and offered the 9 weeks. They countered with 15 weeks of visitation, she refused and offered them 9 weeks. They refused so we finally ended up in court the next day.
After an all day dog and pony show the judge upheld full physical and legal custody for my wife, raised CS from $110/mo to $133/mo, and set visitation at 7wks. The $23/mo increase in CS pissed SpermGrandPa off to no end and the whole ruling torched SpermGrandHag's ass, She was pissed. As we left the courthouse their attorney approached my wife and her attorney and informed them that his clients accepted the offer of 9 weeks. My wife laughed in their lawyer's face.
And that is pretty much how the next 16 years unfolded. They would try to manipulate, DW would bring the pain, they would crawl back under their rock, she would eventually back off thinking they had learned their lesson, they immediately went for blood, and we had to smack them around with the CO. After 9 years she finally came to the conclusion that she could never take her hands from their throats (figuratively of course) and kept the pain flowing in their direction.
As she and I progressed in our relationship she got much tougher with them and once we married (two weeks before backed them into a corner that they could no longer delay the hearing) the financial scales tipped in her favor since my income more than countered the addition of SpermGrandHag's income and SpermGrandPa's income to the SpermIdiot's income. From that point on as my career advanced and my incredible bride's education and career advanced (to the point that she alone far out earned the SpermIdiot and the SGPs combined) we adopted their financial domination model and executed it far more effectively than they ever did or could.
They learned to STFU, be reasonable, comply with the CO, and do what they were told when they or told or they would suffer.
When they were reasonable, we dealt with the reasonably. When they reverted to their manipulative toothless moron crap they suffered. It was a simple equation that they never seemed to figure out.
They were not willing to go all in. We were.
That and my DW had the advantage of being the BM, already had full CO'd physical and legal custody, and was far more independent than the SpermIdiot ever has been ...... At that time she was 18 and he was 25. She took them on on her own initiative while he stood behind SpermGrandHag's toxic skirts and SpermGrandPa's grudging compliance to SpermGrandHag's devotion to their waste of skin son and her efforts to be the all controlling influence over the first underage mother of her POS son's statutory rape career. SpermGrhandHag picked the wrong young woman to F-k with.
It cost her much of her cloak as the wonderful mother she packaged herself as. Unfortunately her toxic spawn ruined the lives of two other young women and three of his 4 all out of wedlock spawn.
Of that gene pool, my SS is the only one that is worth a shit. He has accomplished more by 26 than all of that gene pool has accomplished combined throughout history. He is a man of honor, character and standing in his profession and community.
I feel for my son's sibs. They were not blessed with an amazing mother.
Though the courts are fickle at best, the side that prepares the best, stays the course and is willing to go all in has a definate advantage.
At lease that is what we have experienced.
How much is he paying?
How much is he paying? Basically he's paying BM to keep her mouth shut. This situation would make me so mad, but unfortunately, I have learned you can't make anyone do anything or change anything they don't want to change. If your husbend doesn't have a problem with this, no amount of nagging is going to change anything.
I would make sure your finances are separate, if he wants money for anything, he pulls it out of his own money. Hit him where it hurts (his wallet), it's the only way he will change anything
How many kids and how much CS
How many kids and how much CS? Does BM have the kids all summer and all of spring break PLUS 1/2 christmas?
Nope, same arrangement all
Nope, same arrangement all year round but yes she does take the one kid for all holidays.
Well - he's wise to be
Well - he's wise to be concerned. Family court is still very mother biased, and if she responds to him trying to stop CS by filing for full custody, it won't be impossible for her to get it, quite frankly. If she fights hard enough, he'd have to have a lot of evidence to prevent her from at least getting 50/50. Check the Child Support laws in your state and how they work. If she gets more time, will he pay less? Or more? If he ends up paying the same or more and losing time with the kids, that would be bad.
He'd be wise to talk to a lawyer and decide if it makes sense. Unfortunately, Family Court is a long way from unbiased.
Exactly
Depends on your location. If you are in NY the BM almost always gets 100 % custody and the max CS no matter what.
The thing about child support
The thing about child support is that it's periodically reviewable. In my state, you can go back for a child support modification every 3 years, sooner if there's been a material change. And they'll calculate the child support based on parenting time and the state formula. My state also has a presumption that 50/50 is in the best interest of the kids, so if BM wanted more parenting time here, she'd probably be able to get it. In light of the status quo and the fact that she lives an hour away from their school, though, it's not like she's suddenly going to get the kids every other week. Because of the same presumption, it's highly unlikely that if BM filed for full custody that she'd get it. You should look into what your state does and what the CS formula is.
Any chance that the amount he's paying her under the agreement is spousal support rather than child support? That's a different animal.
Also, you say this is written "in the papers." What papers are we talking about? If they're papers that are attached to or incorporated by reference into the divorce decree, then it is indeed a court order. But again, you should check your state's laws to see how often you can get child support reviewed.
Woohoo for Illinois. They
Woohoo for Illinois. They review yearly. We just were told they need more docs because BMs income went up “drastically”. Hmmm. She pays the legal minimum because he agreed to it to get custody. SS didn’t want to go back to her when he had him for spring break (2 years ago) because BM just left him at her friends all week and never took care of him. They had no order in place yet as the divorce wasn’t even final but she had him and he was paying 3x what she pays now just because it was right. He let her pay the min because he knew they’d review in a year and she’s be screwed. She makes 6 figures. It didn’t change last year due to a paperwork issue but they go retro anyway. She is days away from being hit with not only a much higher amount but also retro paying it for over a year. The only downside is I know she’ll say she can’t afford to fly SS out for summer because of it.I’ve been pushing him to push her to get flights booked ASAP so they are booked before she finds out. When I say days it could be weeks but soon. I will LOSE IT if he isn’t gone for the summer.
Thank god it can't be
Thank god it can't be reviewed yearly here. DH would be in court every effin' year with BM trying to squeeze more money out of him.
I looke the divorce agreement
I looke the divorce agreement over and he paid lump sums. I didn't see anything about monthly payments and it is over 5 years old. Some of it was sppusal support but he is also making a lot less now.
I am going to sit down with a lawyer.
With the established custody
With the established custody % it is not likely that BM would get custody at all. Since DH has physical custody and has been the CP for an extended time it is not likely she would get custody.
Ugh, my DH is the same way
Ugh, my DH is the same way with not wanting to make waves by taking BM to court. He's always been afraid she would end up going for full custody to get out of paying CS (we had SD full time until recently). Where we live, 50/50 is the norm so I never understood his concern with her getting full custody.
Is CS separate from custody in your state? Where we live, custody is decided, and then CS is done separately so your DH could file for a modification of CS without changing anything about the custody.