Mediation
Hi! I'm new here - not sure where a topic like mediation goes so this is my best guess...
Background info: I'm engaged to my fiance who has two sons from a pervious marriage. The BM has steadily become a more and more terrible person to us since we became serious 2 years ago. I've really only met her a hand full of times but she's already dismissed me as unsuitable to parent her children, and has already decided long ago that BD is incompetent. I don't communicate with her because she's very combative and condescending, and plays mind games via text (texting me to tell BD stuff... what is this middle school). My fiance is good at setting boundaries so I don't have to deal with her most of the time. In general, she has a history of guilt tripping, blaming him for everything, using the children as a bargaining chip, being the victim etc. (I'm curious if she is a "covert narcissist").
Lately, she has chosen to be unemployed and wants to buy a house without getting a job - so she wants my fiance to pay off her student loans ASAP so she has no/less debt. He makes monthly payments and has not missed any payments. She is filing a small claims case to get him to pay it all now. It's bull crap honestly.... lady please just leave us alone. I honestly do not care what she does with her life but she's SO INVESTED in what we're doing. Too much free time! Our current strategy has been to ignore her demands and threats and try to stay focused on communicating about the children and their needs. This works to a certain degree.
So, she brought up talking to a mediator - which is what she technically has to do before filing a claim on the divorce decree. I kind of figure, maybe w a mediator we can finally bite this thing in the a$$ and she can leave us alone (until she finds another thing to get mad about, there is a list which she sent in a long, rambling angry email to me) - so, is this a good idea or bad idea?
Are you
UK or USA?
USA
USA
Were they ever. married? What
Were they ever. married? What are the payments he is making? Child support or more?
Yes they divorced about 4-5
Yes they divorced about 4-5 years ago. She didn't work when they were married, worked part time for a bit after the divorce, and then recently quit.
He pays 1k child support each month and her student loans. We see the boys Fri night - Monday morning during school time.
My guess is that she knows
My guess is that she knows she can't win this in court (if he's following the CO as written by making the payments), so she's hoping to bully him into it through mediation.
Tell her NO and let her take whatever legal action she feels she needs to take. He's not obligated to give her a lump sum of money so she can sit home and put her feet up.
Haha my thoughts exactly! I
Haha my thoughts exactly! I can't imagine there's much she can do to even get her case into court.. so maybe going to mediation would be a waste of time. I guess I was hoping with mediation she could be told by an objective third party "you craycray, leave us alone etc". Altho knowing her, she would prob just turn on her "selective hearing" and then be the angry bitter victim again blergh.
Hmm maybe it's not worth engaging her with this, or being proactive about it at least. If she wants a mediator, she can arrnage it!
Beware - the mediator might
Beware - the mediator might feel sorry for her and push your SO to pay her. It's a gamble. Some of them fall for the manipulations of these women.
I would refuse to engage with her. This is not an issue that's important to the children.
Oh yeah that'd be awful, best
Oh yeah that'd be awful, best not to risk it haha
Well, if she actually does move forward with a mediator we'll figure out what to do. For now, we will do nothing and continue living happily!
All to the $ thing were settled in the divorce
Only a few years ago. Courts are not going to touch the settlement this early. They will never make DH pay off the student loans. She knows that. Lower courts will not let her win her case because it was already settled in divorce.
So let her play. Counter sue for wast of time, your lawer cost ect
You know I'd really love to
You know I'd really love to sue her for being so annoying and such a bully, but not sure if that is worth the drama it would stir up sigh. Ok good to know she is just doing her usual empty threats. Man this gets old! *sad*
It does get old, but the less
It does get old, but the less he engages with her, the more likely it is to stop. He should ignore absolutely everything that isn't about the kids, and even then, be very brief and business-like.
No! Followed by "Fine, we
No! Followed by "Fine, we will see you in court." Has a tendency to drive the toxic back into the hole under the slime covered rock they inhabit at the bottom of the shallow end of their toxic gene pool.
No! See you in court! Followed by the slapping sounds of you beating them about the head and shoulders with a rolled up copy of the CO. Figuratively of course. Maybe.
Lather, rinse, repeat.