Lazy BM- what can we do?
I am the SM to 4 kids... one older one from another mother and 3 younger ones from the same mother. My husband has 50% custody on the older child and pays no child support. However, he pays a fixed amount of child support that was set way a long time ago and he also provides their health insurance. We discussed dropping our health insurance, as he is laid off right now and I don't have health insurance at this time and we need the money. However, he says he's obligated to provide health insurance for his kids. He also believes he is obligated to work so that he can pay child support. He believes he will go to jail if he doesnt have a job at all times. The BM, who has placement of the kids (no official visitation schedule is set up, but we take them on a few weeknights and just about every other weekend), doesn't have a job. She quit her part time job and she is "going back to school." She said she would get another job but that was a semester ago. All her expenses are paid by WIC and other assistance programs but I can't help but wonder where the child support is going when the kids constantly don't have the things they need and the BM constantly asks for us to pay for different things for the kids. Isn't there some law that she has to make an effort to support herself and the kids too? If we could take over custody of the kids, im sure we could provide a better lifestyle for them than she does. What can we do? He thinks that if we review the case in court, they will raise his child support even higher and we are already just barely breaking even.
"Isn't there some law that
"Isn't there some law that she has to make an effort to support herself and the kids too?"
hahahhhahahhaha!! I WISH!
The BM I deal with hasn't worked since 2008. She lives off of the CS she receives from my DH and her youngest one's dad. Unfortunately, my DH has been laid off for some time and unemployment just ran out. Now, she bitching b/c he won't be paying any CS until he gets a JOB.
She keeps asking him when he's going to "get a job and financially support his kids" (by the way she has received 50% of his unemployment since he was laid off) he simply turns the question around and asks her the same thing.
Your DH needs to request a CS modification since the lay off. They will likely reduce the amount. My DH did this but not until just a few months ago.
I know, isn't it disgusting
I know, isn't it disgusting that it seems some women have made a career out of having children? My DH ex-wife hasn't worked a single day IN HER LIFE! She is in her mid-30s and lived off over $3000 in alimony and over $1100/month child support for 4 children. It is ridiculous. He bought her a new expedition, paid her rent, insurance, registration, cable, etc.
OMG. I just want to slap her.
Nope, there is no requirement
Nope, there is no requirement that a CP work or contribute to supporting their own kids at all. In fact there is no requirement for an NCP with a Support Order against them to actually pay their own CS if they can find someone to pay it for them.
The system is so screwed up and IMHO is nothing more than a ponzy employment scheme to keep bottom 10%er family law professionals (judges, lawyers, clerks, etc...) employed since most of them are incapable of actually doing something contributory to society.
My SS's BioDad has never paid a dime in CS though he has had a CO against him for CS since shortly after the kid was born. SpermGrandMa has always paid his CS obligation for him.
The family law courts are not interested in anything but to keep a CS order alive so that they can justify their own existence. It is interesting that a judge in a family law court is not much different than the average toddler. The judge sits in a high chair in a large black bib (robe) banging on a desk with a wooden hammer while a toddler sits in a high chair with a bib banging on a table or bowl with a spoon or on the tiny-tots wood peg set with a wooden hammer.
LMAO. BM be responsible for
LMAO. BM be responsible for something? No, she doesn't have any responsibilities. She can let her children run feral and if nobody says anything "just to keep the peace" she gets away with it.
All you can do is pay what you are required to pay, provide health insurance and refuse to pay for extra things. You can go back to court to change the amount of cs, but it takes a long time.
Tell him to tell BM to get
Tell him to tell BM to get medicaid for the children, until he is able to get insurance back for them.
In my experience, all you can
In my experience, all you can do is keep things stable on your end of the street, pay your child support, save what you can, and come to peace with the whole deal. Family Court is bigger than all of us. If you are a single father, the chips are most certainly stacked against you. It was humbling for me to go through that experience. You just have to get past it and be the best parent you can be. My recommendation is to try to not be a jerk to the other parent and to document everything for when your next day in court arrives. As far as the money, I try not to think about where some of it goes. In some ways, its actually none of my business.
Nope, Some Mothers (NCP or
Nope, Some Mothers (NCP or CP) do not have to do anything to support their kids. Just dads HAVE to step up and pay pay pay. Luckily for most kids, their mothers DO raise them (and some by themselves) Not so lucky for us and my stepkids. We have custody and STILL pay support to the BM who LOST custody due to neglect and abuse.
You sound like a GREAT Mom
You sound like a GREAT Mom (not being sarcastic, seriously you do) I think we are speaking about the BMs that ARE lazy because they stay home, dont do anything for their kids and ask for MORE money every chance they get. It doesn't sound like you are that kind of BM. and that is a good thing.
My wife was a SAHM until our
My wife was a SAHM until our son (my SS) started school. For five years she was a SAHM.
I am proud that she had that opportunity and that I could support her being a SAHM while the Skid was little.
My guess would be that your CS did not go down because the court imputed an income based on your historical earning levels so your XHs CS obligation went unchanged. If my assumptions are correct that you receive CS from an X.
If you are referring to CS your DH pays to his X, then as a SP your income would have little to no impact on his CS obligation to his X.
Either way, congratulations on being able to be focused on the kids. I was raised by a SAHM and a working dad and without any hesitation I can say that my brothers and I had great childhoods. As with most SAHMs my mom worked extremely hard and unlike most career men, SAHMs don't get off work after 8-15hrs. My mom used to say "a man's work is from sun to sun but a mother's work is never done". She is definitely right about that. My brother I are extremely close to our parents who still have no problem letting the wind out of our sails when we get a bit full of ourselves. Especially mom.
My dad retired in Jan 2010 and having visited my parents a bunch since he retired I can speak with authority to the fact that my mom did not retire. This is more her choice than anything else but she definitely has not retired.
She still cares for everyone when my brother and I and our families visit, she still keeps the house, does the gardening, plans the seasonal decorations, etc, etc, etc..... Of course my dad is now her laborer but he limits how much of his time he gives her since he is trying to get her to retire with him. They do have a lawn service and a cleaning service but my mom can't do a simple meal she has to do a gourmet extravaganza even when it is just her and dad. He will tell her he is not eating at home that day and that she can go with him when he goes out and about and to eat. Sometimes she goes, sometimes she does not.
He will even tell her that he is leaving in X-weeks on an RV trip whether she goes or not. She always goes but often it takes dad pulling the RV up in front of the house before she will agree to take a break from her SAHM/HouseWife career and go with him.
Damn it, look what you did. Now I miss my mom. Gotta go call her.
Best regards,