Depends on state and even county in most cases. The best we were able to do is 50/50 even though it was documented to the court from professionals that mom was causing emotional damage to the child. Courts still think children need their mommies even if those mommies are monsters.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Winning custody or residency is the furthest thing from my mind. In my situation, that would be like winning a death sentence. Every month when that CS check goes out...its like paying a 24/7 babysitter!

We recently got primary residence. Partly, I think, b/c BM doesn't think about things.

Backstory:
BM and DH were never married. They only dated very briefly. She didn't want him to have anything to do with the baby and just asked for child support. There was no way DH was going to trust her to raise a child. She has a 5-year-old who has lived in 13 different homes with 4 different men and she has on-going substance abuse issues. We had to get a lawyer b/c she wouldn't even help him do paperwork to get his name on the birth certificate.

When we DH and BM) went to mediation we were getting DBS on Fridays and taking him back to BM on Sundays. We requested that we get him W-Sn and she could see him M and Ts. That didn't go over well with her so the mediator suggested that we use that schedule every other week. She agreed but I don't think she realized that agreeing to that gave DH primary custody with us having DBS about 60% of the time. Plus we have him in daycare (which I drive him to) on the Th and Fr that she has him. We knew exactly what point we could accept a compromise but still win primary custody. I'm sure it didn't occur to her at all and I still don't think she realizes what that will entail later.

We're still - semi-sneakily - trying to win more time. Our lawyer said that if we can get her to regularly let us have him an extra day a week or every other week, and establish a pattern, that we can use it when we go back to court next fall to request change in CS (whole 'nother story)

I'm sorry all of you guys are going through this Thetis. That's hard

It is amazing to me how so much is stacked against the birth father. I do not see how the mere fact that your body can grow a baby makes you the best person to provide and care for it.

From what I gather from our lawyers, you can kind of look at custody as that old quote "posession is 9/10ths of the law" Which is why BM often fare better in court. Would it work for you in your legal system to be a little "sneaky" in the way our lawyer suggested to us?

You don't mention how much she's willing to let you "babysit". Our BM didn't want to lose primary (giving up CS and "control") but really didn't care if we kept DBS pretty much all of the time. It's pretty easy for us to get extra time with him. The key for us is to establish this on a regular basis. That way, when we go back to court in the summer, we can say "hey, we keep him every Thursday even though the papers only say every other Thursday. Can we amend the paperwork to reflect this" According to our lawyer, if we're already living that way anyway the judge will usually grant it.

I'm surprised that the judge didn't take into consideration that the child spent more time with the grandmother than the mother. The way I understand it, the parent has to prove that they are the one who is with the child. Having another primary caregiver doesn't count..even if it's the new wife or another family member.

My DH got sole custody over BM. Visitation is as DH sees fit. So if BM starts PAS, DH doesn't have to let SS9 see her. She is also ordered to pay CS, but doesn't (You'll see a blog on Jan. 12th Im sure). DH got custody because BM's family gave her a year to "get herself together" and she didn't so BM's family got sick of taking care of SS9 and told DH what was going on and went to court with DH for emergency custody (the last straw was when BM drove SS9 to BM's sister's house drunk at 4am). So in our case something really bad had to happen that we could prove, other than that, DH would have only gotten joint custody.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

My husband won custody of his daughter when she was 4 yrs old. Her mother decided she didnt want to be married anymore and when my husband(hers at the time) moved to Hawaii BM decided to stay in Cali to finish school and left there child with BF. When they went to court BM lied and got caught lying about abuse and the founf my husband to be a more fit parent. We have been married for 2 yrs now and BM is trying to get custody again using lies except now she has my SD believing these lies. Should make for an interesting court case.

Just tell the truth at all time because the courts do not like a parent that lies. And always show willingness to bring the child closer to the other parent.