Because of genetic testing I am being told that he doesn't have to pay child support (waiting 5 years)
This has been going on since September of 2019. It is June of 2025 and I am still dealing with this issue. I will try to explain this as clearly as possible.
We were together for 4 years and then I got pregnant, when it was time to have the baby he went to the hospital with me. After the baby was born we got into a disagreement about what to name the baby, even though we agreed on a name at the last minute he decided that he didn't want to name our baby the name that we both agreed to. We argued, he blew up and left the hospital. A day later the nurse came in with the birth certificate paperwork for me to fill out, I called him but he didn't answer the phone. If I can remember correctly the bottom of the birth certificate form said "If you are married the father signs here. If you are not married put a check here, sign the birth certificate and put the name of the father" I called him again and he still didn't answer his phone. So I checked that we weren't married and signed the birth certificate along with naming him as the father.
A few weeks later I got a letter in the mail saying that in order to receive medical benefits and food assistance I had to find the father of the baby and do a genetic test to prove that he was the father so that he could be put on child support. A guy came by our house and swabbed my mouth, his mouth and the baby's mouth to do the genetic test. Another letter came saying he was the father and because he lived in the home with me, was working and taking care of the child he did not have to pay child support. We broke up in September of 2019 I moved out of the house and he ended up moving out of state. I reported that we were no longer together and they said that they will work on my case. A year went by and I heard nothing from them when I called they said that the child support case was pending. I went up to Friends of the Court to see why it was taking so long to put him on child support. The clerk told me again that the case was pending and I'd just have wait for the hearing. This went on for 4 years they kept telling me to wait each time that I checked on my case. I called the number to Friends of the Court last December, a guy read my file and said "It says here that because he did the genetic test and proved that he was the father in the home he doesn't have to pay child support" I said "That's when we were together. We separated in 2019. We no longer live in the same household" the guy told me the same thing "Well you're just going to have to wait"
I went to the website and reapplied giving them his PO Box number because that's the last location that he has along with his physical description, they sent me a letter back saying that the case already exists and I'd have to wait to hear from them. How can a case for child support be pending for 5 years?
Yesterday I talked to someone who said "You have to fill out a 4018 which is Motion to Change Custody. Once you do that the case will start and you will get a letter in the mail to come to the hearing" So why have I been told all of these years to wait? Was it just a bunch of stalling on their end?
I know that the people who
I know that the people who need lawyers the most are often the ones who can't afford them. But one thing i learned when my kid got caught with a vape at school and the court tried to throw the book at them is that without one, you are screwed. My kid went from facing 6 months of community service and paying $900 to drug court (yes, drug court for a vape from the gas station!) to, well, nothing. I consulted a lawyer and it just....went away. The lawyer talked to the judge, who laughed and said the charge was BS (minor in possession of tobacco), and they just threw it out. Whatever you have to do, get a lawyer. Legal aid maybe? Family who can help?
The low level Govt functionaries you are dealing with struggle
The low level Govt functionaries you are dealing with struggle to fog a mirror much less do anything effectively or even anything at all in a timely manner.
I would turn up the heat. Call the media. Dig into social media groups, ask for a public defender to pus the courts and the ineffective agencies to get off of their asses.
One thing you absolutely cannot do is continue to basically do nothing. When these people tell you to wait, ask for their supervisor, then their supervisor, and so on, and so on.....
Call your local, state, and national level legislators. Keep bugging the crap out of anyone and everyone.
What will likely eventually happen and happen much sooner if you adopt the position of the squeaky wheel, is that he will get nailed with a massive CS order with 4 years of arrearrages. His games regarding the baby's name will cost him increasingly painfully for the next 13 or more years and beyond with the arrears.
We were able to motivate that level of PITA for my SS's Spermidiot. After 9yrs of not requesting CS modification my bride finally filed. For 9yrs CS was $133/mo. When DW filed for CS modification the SpermLand District Attorney's office did the CS assessment by first subpoenaing our comprehensive income, asset, and financial information and the Spermidiot idiot's. He refused delivery of the subpoenas repeatedly, and ultimately physically ran from the Constable who was serving him in person. At that point the DA requested that my bride provide as much information on the Spermidiot, his income, employer, etc... as possible. So, we went full bare his ass on him. My wife is a CPA and is a meticulous record keeper. She provided his old tax returns, his employer contact information, the county wage documents for licensed plumbers in that county, and a comprehensive list of his assets to the DA. The DA set the new CS level at $785/mo based on the information provided by my bride. Due to his refusal to accept or respond to the subpoenas and running from the Constable the DA also invoked direct payroll withholding of CS from his pay checks. His employer had no choice but to pay the CSE office the CS. When the Spermidiot got his first $0.00 paycheck he came screaming into court to try to get CS lowered.
Months later we ended up in a Administrative Law court hearing. Ultimately CW was lowered to $385/mo though he was kept on the $785/mo CS level to cover the arrears of his running until the arrears was repaid. It remained $785 for two years before dropping to the final $385 level for the last 5 years of the CO.
Get aggressive, make noise, be a PITA to the courts, the CS office, etc.... There are a number of organizations that can support you as you go for his throat.
Good luck.
Take care of you.
More importantly. Welcome. I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful perspective from others who are living the adventure of the blended family dream. Tolerate no bullshit from this guy.
This sounds very frustrating.
This sounds very frustrating. I do have a couple of questions though.. and it might make a difference in how you proceed.
First.. and probably primary.. does this guy make any money do you think? Did he make a decent living? Do you think he possibly is unemployed.. and addict.. etc.. in otherwords.. even if you got an order for him to pay.. do you think he would even be able to.. and if he is only marginally employed (and was when you knew him).. do you think that maybe they might not actually assess much anyway? Just asking because while there is what's "right".. in him supporting a child he made.. some people will just be incapable.. and you and your child could be stuck with the poor luck/choice of having a kid with someone who was not financially stable and able to support that child.
If this guy is a habitually unemployed loser.. it probably won't be worth it to do what I am going to ask about next.
If this guy does have some means.. potential means.. to pay a reasonable amount of support.. then is there any way to get the money to hire your own actual, real life lawyer.. not just be subject to some beaurocrats etc..? Could your family help lend the funds?
Now... you can try to help further than what you have done.. just putting down a PO box.. I would try to actually find this dude... do you have old friends in common.. is he on social media.. do you have contacts with family etc.. do some digging.. Don't rely on others to do this.. they may not care as much as it will be important to you.. I mean.. I'm 60 and could locate my last three Exes if I needed to.... I know generally where they live.. that they are on social media.. and know their family on social media... if Ineeded to find them.. I could.
Finally, Is this a guy you want to have in your child's life? Would he be a good father and do you think he might be inclined to want visitation if you get support from him? (or is he a drug addict loser.. in which case.. I can almost say that you might as well get used to paying all of this yourself.. and probably better off for your child to not even try to open that can of worms).