You are here

Is your name on your DH and BM's custody agreement?

newmommy05's picture

Submitted by newmommy05 on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:19pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

I'm just wondering because it's looking like we have to go through a lawyer to get DH's custody agreement modified. The last agreement they had, BM was married to her DH, they are now separated, but his name was on the papers before. I had just started dating DH when they were finalizing the agreement so of course I was not a part of it. BM has now agreed to have SS8 live with us (8 hrs away) for at least 1 year. DH and I have been together for 5 years and married for 3.
My question is...should I be included on the custody papers or is it somehow going to backfire on me? I'm not familiar with the legal stuff so I'm hoping someone can help me...Thanks!

newmommy05's picture

Submitted by newmommy05 on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:28pm

I don't remember exactly but DH and BM's parents filed against BM and her husband for custody back then.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:29pm

They filed against BM .. her husband never had custody of the skids unless he adopted them legally. Which would be a completely different issue ..

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:32pm

LOL Biggrin

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:30pm

I was but only in the No Contact part. BM had it modified to put me in there as well as DH. So, the next time she decided to drag us to court, we had my name taken out and had it amended to ANY FAMILY MEMBERS.

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:37pm

Just my two cents:

I would not want my name in there making me legally responsible for someone else's kids. I would honestly be afraid if I am legally responsible, then my income also would get considered for child support, legal bills, etc.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:49pm

Oh hell no! You do not want to be on the CO. At all.

The only names should be BM, DH and the kid(s). That's it.

newmommy05's picture

Submitted by newmommy05 on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:53pm

Ok but since I'm going to be his main caregiver while DH is at work, how would I go about signing him up for school, sports, etc.? Do I need to be recognized as a legal guardian somehow?

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:57pm

Your DH can sign a power of attorney allowing you to act/ sign in his stead its good for school, doctors, extra curriculars etc.

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 3:20pm

Not at all. Your DH does need to apprise these various institutions that you should have "access" to the step-child. As for signing him up for sports, always let your DH do it.

Kilgore SMom's picture

Submitted by Kilgore SMom on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 4:48pm

Dh and I have talked alot about this issue. SS lives with us full time and DH has full custody. BM is only allowed sv. In the event of DH death ss would go to BM. We are seriously thinking about having my name added in there and DH writing a will stating in the event of his death ss should remain with me. If BM doesn't change her ways we are also talking about terminating her rights and me adopting ss. For legal reason more so than to just cut BM out. BM is a drug addict and its just unsafe for ss to ever be off with her. Its still in the talking, it cost $4000 to do this so thats alot of money. Who knows what will happen in our case.

Kilgore SMom's picture

Submitted by Kilgore SMom on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 4:49pm

Dh and I have talked alot about this issue. SS lives with us full time and DH has full custody. BM is only allowed sv. In the event of DH death ss would go to BM. We are seriously thinking about having my name added in there and DH writing a will stating in the event of his death ss should remain with me. If BM doesn't change her ways we are also talking about terminating her rights and me adopting ss. For legal reason more so than to just cut BM out. BM is a drug addict and its just unsafe for ss to ever be off with her. Its still in the talking, it cost $4000 to do this so thats alot of money. Who knows what will happen in our case.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 8:44pm

DH cannot will his child to you unless BM has given up her parental rights and you have adopted the child. If anything he could have you the executor of his Will and therefore in control of any monies the child would inherit.

My DD did the same thing. If she dies before SIL she has willed SIL/her DH her parenting time with my GD. No court would uphold the passing on a child to an unrelated person. Even if DD and SIL have a child of their own so GD has a half brother. If GDs dad decided to leave the country and live in a tent in Mongolia there is nothing SIL can do about it.

As for activities, DH should be digning his child up for things, not you. Even if the BM is not involved 100% and is an absolute deadbeat, I wouldn't do it.

YellowBelly's picture

Submitted by YellowBelly on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 9:02pm

NO WAY! I don't want my name on anything that has to do with BM and SD8. All I am listed as is "step mom" and that is only to state who lives in the home. I refuse to have any legal responsibility to a kid that is not mine.