He needs to take her to court and get a custody order, so he can see the kid and BM can't legally keep the child away. I bet you could get something like 6mos with dad 6 months with mom and alternating holidays.

Why is there no court order?

In the future, you might want to suggest SKYPEing to develop contact with toddler.

In my situation, I encouraged email w/photos between my toddler and his father who lived in another state and then overseas. Skype is great. You don't have to have the weird, "Hi, David ... this is Daddy" conversations ... perhaps just watch him play with Duplox/Lego blocks while you interact. Watching your SS play is good stuff. Or, make your cat/dog wave at the computer ...

Aside: My father was a Korea/Vietnam era man. I remember being a kid with the radio/telephone calls where we had to say "Over" as I spoke to a man I hadn't seen in 18 months. It was scarey as to a child of an intact family who knew her father. I imagine that it will be tougher for you to work on establishing a relationship in a potentially hostile situation.

All county libraries have internet and most have SKYPE capability. So, don't let the lack of $$ or knowledge of technology frustrate you.

Again. Document, document. Send silly postcards every week. Nothing big $$. Since most printers nowadays can scan, just scan every note and postcard. Some day that child may want to see that their Dad and his wife thought about them as they grew up. Assuming that BM will intercept and throw away all that cannot be documented. (she thinks) You can always bring the file of copied bright postcards, cards, transcripts of text messages, printouts of emails, facebook posts to the court to demonstrate your continued, consistent intent to foster a relationship and to be in your SS's life. Flood them with kindness.

Judge Judy always talks about the passive-aggressive BM's who withhold visitation ... it's wrong. Dad's should support their kidlets. AND, Dad's have the inherent right to visit, to see their child ... even if they are perhaps behind in child support or whatever. He is the child's father and has as many rights as the mother. BTW, some of us BM's do get a bit weird, and I've been silly myself.

Unless there is DOCUMENTED, court-mandated supervision, BM is just blowing smoke up your skirt.

Good luck

I would suggest going the legal route to get this worked out. Move visitation doesn't have to mean more expense for you alone. Mom would have to assist with delivery/meeting somewhere to share the cost. You can request that also when you go to court.

Navigating the Family Court systems is tedious, but not rocket science. I had a judge apologize to DH during a CS modification for signing the original order (prepared by BM's attorney) without paying closer attention to the fact that it was not completed properly.

If you are willing (don't feel obligated) to help your DH with a Parenting Plan (sometimes called this, sets out visitation and how the child will be raised) and a child support modification, BRAVO! I had to do the brain work for my DH, but he appreciates it every time he sees his paycheck and they aren't taking out $200 a week.

I find men don't have the patience for the kinds of tedious crap you have to do for family court. And you CAN file from far away, you just have to find out how the local (where the child is) court system handles that sort of thing. Many family courts are hearing by affidavit only, as I found out. Good because it keeps the emotional caca outside.

I can't imagine wanting to see SS15 more. God! Maybe I'd feel differently if he was a cute little baby who couldn't talk yet!

Yep, get a court order for visitation.

A few generic things. Until the child is ready to go into high school it'll be particularly difficult to get full physical custody. The distance makes week by week sharing impossible. The old saying "It takes a mother to raise a boy and a father to raise a man." often holds true and that's about what the courts do.

Did your husband move away from the baby mothers home? If so he'll be paying to shuttle a school age child back and forth. Prior to that the baby is unlikely to be traveling alone.

Do you have more time than money? Consider the train/bus for your travels. Hitchhiking?

Husband does not need an attorney if he is a good reader, has patience and can parse out legalese. (Legal words/language). Most people can't but obviously I don't know your husband. He can ask the clerk in mothers county courthouse for the file on someone who has represented themselves in court in similar situation - asking for written visitation order. Those records are public information.

Be careful of what you wish for you may just get it. Many a step-mother has admired a step-child from afar only to find that close up the mother has created a monster in their own image.

there should be a parenting plan in place.

but im not sure how even that would solve OP's issue since MONEY seems to be a big part of why they cant see this kid.

the PP could include electronic communication times, etc.

im wondering of part of BM's problem is related to the backstory you didnt want (or need) to share. if your husband impregnated her then took off with you i can see why she might be pissed unless she was just a one night stand and he didnt find out about the baby until he'd already moved on with life. but how this little boy came to be will probably (unfortunately) dictate how your very long relationship with BM will be. Given that he's 1, your husband is going to be paying for her and this kid for a minimum of 17 years longer, perhaps more depending upon your state and yet to be drafted agreement.