It sounds like mommy wants you guys to take her so she doesn't have to spend money.

I would respond.. "can your mom take you?" and if not.. I would respond... "I will tell your dad you want him to take you to the mall"

Sorry.. you can bend over backwards and she won't be appreciative.. 

If I were in a mood.. I might send a text "new number who's this"?  lol.

But unless you are up for transporting the kids.. as in you want to do that? I would decline.. 

Dont respond, she sounds like a spoiled kidbitch. You will be considered mean no matter what. So play the part.

Dont respond, dont do, put her on ignore. She can contact daddio or her BM.

Blessings

Just say "I already have plans this weekend, I won't be able to take you. Maybe dad can."

Don't apologize, and don't do anything. It is also perfectly ok for your "plans" to be sit on your butt and binge watch Netflix! 

So, you don't respond to her messages.   Then it's let Mom take you shopping. i.e. let Mom pay for your wants.  Then it's DH problem not yours. Let him handle it 

If you're not good enough for her, neither is your time or money.

If she doesn't have the courtesy to respond to you, stop responding to her.

I would not take her.

If BM is the CP.... "Ask your mother. This is what your dad pays CS to her for."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Then when SD is visiting, have a come to Jesus sit down with her about how to politely ask and discuss rather than demand. End with "Demand in one hand, and shit in the other and tell us which one fills up first."

smh

Polite engagement is earned with... polite engagement. SD and BM need to have their noses rubbed in this absolute truth over and over again until the stench of their rude crap sinks in and they gain clarity that without polite engagement, they get nothing.

We teach people how to treat us, and it sounds as if you've been doormatting for your skids and H for years. Good ole SM, you've become the wife appliance - there to be used, not appreciated. 

You sound very unhappy, and I don't blame you. Eating excrement and stuffing down resentment is a very unhealthy type of existence, and anxiety is your body's way of warning you that you're in a bad place. You say you've already disengaged somewhat, but your body is telling you it's not enough.

What makes you cater to these rude, ungrateful people? Why do you think you let them mistreat you? These are important questions, because if you want things to change, you have to start with changing yourself. You have agency, and the right to stand up for yourself, yet you don't. Why? Would you accept such mistreatment from anyone else? No? Then why tolerate it from your H, his ex, and these poorly parented kids?

Steplife will use you up if you let it, and you have. You really, really need to take back your power and disengage completely. Reroute all skid demands to your H, stop cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring and facilitating - just STOP. Become utterly incompetent, and if asked, play the Golden Ticket of needing to focus on your health. You're a person, and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, but you have to do a reset first.

Oh, and regarding your SD's text? Why is she coming to you with this stuff? I wouldn't do anything about it until either she or your H brings the subject up, at which point I'd make it VERY clear that I no longer do favors for a$$holes. A touch of fear can be a good thing in these situations, so invest in a good pair of bi!ch boots and start schooling these miscreants.

You're going to be "mean" whether you are or not, so don't even worry about it.

I'd text back SD and say I'm not able to take you, do you want me to forward your text to your dad?  I wouldn't give her an excuse or an apology.  She doesn't deserve either.

It means many different things. If you are getting demands like this from SD who treats you like a SM appliance and ATM, then you need to disengage your wallet.

I myself am working on this. I get disengaged and then re-engaged when SD15/16 needs/wants my help or money. To her credit she acts like she likes me...and I got to be involved in her prom preps. Big whoop.

Ignore the little madam's text.

She doesn't deserve your time or attention.

My ss is spoiled rotten, keep telling his dad it's not gonna do him any favours in the long run. Can't wait for the day he realises I was right and he starts asking for the expensive things like PlayStation and VR's. Everytime he buys him things he says it's "stupid" I used to give him pocket money not anymore and he's still asking for it. He sits on the ipad for hours saying "we should get this" my reply..."ask mom and dad" bleed them dry ill spend my money on my niece and nephew who are grateful of everything that's brought for them. 

I never give in and they can explain when their older when they're working and paying bills why their stepparents were so mean.

Excellent advice from Julie above. Like you, I am in a very similar situation with my SD. I'm her stepdad, and I'm basically a doormat to my now 17-year-old SD. I also have an 8-year-old daughter with my wife(SD's birth mom), who is polar opposite of my SD. Anyway, I read Julie's advice above and kept nodding, it was so spot on. My SD won't talk to me at all, I'm expected to do all the chores around the house - cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, everything, including repairs, maintenance, yardwork, etc. Everything. I get no help from anyone in the house except our 8-year-old, who wants to help with everything! My SD won't do any chores at all, no matter how many times I ask, or how small it might be. I'm called "mean" repeatedly for asking her to do something - then will be yelled at by my wife in front of the kids to do the chores myself. And when my SD needs something, that's the only time I'll hear from her, either by text or in person. My wife, she explains to me how "lucky" I am that my SD(whom I've known she she was 4) asks me to do things for her, or get her things. It was my counselor who set me straight on everything. I was so blind to how I was being treated/mistreated(and how I "let" myself get into this position with zero boundaries), I just thought it was normal. In reality, I was being gaslighted and taken advantage of from the get-go. And my SD never thanks me for anything. She'll request I buy her something, I'll end up getting it and she'll never thank me for it ever. I clean up all her messes and dishes, do her laundry, do all the shopping she needs done, clean up after her - she does nothing. She's 17. My wife thinks it is fine, won't require her to do a thing, ever. Honestly, at this point in my life, I would try to talk someone out of becoming a step-parent, I am that disillusioned by it all. The one thing that is worth it to me is having my young daughter. She makes my world brighter each and every day. But my SD, she's like a dark cloud that hangs over my life. Even with disengagement, I received a massive amount of negative feedback from my wife - who proceeded to "counsel" my counselor that disengagement was "wrong" and "incorrect". Told my counselor she should be ashamed of herself for recommending it to me. I'm at a point where I just want to be done with it all, because it's just not worth it to me anymore to be a step-parent.

My wife separated from me and filed for divorce a couple years ago. She told me the main reason was because I kept asking my SD to do chores. The real reason was because my SD kept complaining to my wife that I was "mean". I wasn't mean, I was not even demanding. I just kept reminding her to clean up after herself, to clean her messes up, to put her dishes in the sink, etc.(My SD admitted to this fact, and revealed how much she dislikes being told what to do by anyone). Finally, my wife had had enough of the complaints from my SD. My SD gave her an ultimatum - either I go, or she goes. And it was me who was dumped. I moved out with my young daughter and my wife filed for divorce. Months later, we did reconcile - but the damage was severe to our marriage. And the last remaining shadow of a relationship I had with my SD vanished forever. She won't even acknowledge I'm in the same room with her now. Always tells her mom how amazing it would be if I suddenly died or disappeared forever. Told me last year I was a loser and would die alone one day. My wife was sitting there when she said it, and she didn't say a word. But my youngest, she keeps me going. She is the sweetest person on the planet. I honestly dream of a day when she and I can live in our own home, without the dysfunction of the things going on now in this house. I dream of that day always.