CS is the NCPs contribution to supporting the child when the kid is in the CP household. When the kid is in the NCPs household the NCP pays for all cost related to kid.
Except ...... clothing. When visiting the NCP the kid should arrive with adequate clothing and return to the CP with that clothing. The clothing belongs to the kid and the kid should have their clothing, or at least an adequate cross section of their clothing during visitation.
I agree with your first paragraph, but not so much with your second. I would think clothing would depend on when the baby (we're talking bottles and diapers so I guess child is baby age) visitation schedule is. As a mother, I'd be livid to purchase a bunch of cute baby clothing (even if using CS to do so) and having them returned full of baby formula and spit up stains along with squash and beet.
I'd find myself faced with either spending a my workweek with trying to get out already washed and dried crappy looing clothing or spending more of the CS on additional clothing (which takes away from other things the child may need). IMO the situation could also end up being one of those where the BM just sends the old stained and/or out grown clothing to the Dad and Dad squealing about how BM only sends inappropriate clothing for the kids. Kid looks like ragamuffin How many times do we read here about the crap clothing sent to the NCP's house? Over and over.
Babies and toddlers already grow at the blink of an eye so clothing is always something needed purchased and replaced. IMO both homes need to have clothing which is kept in that individual home. The style/taste is up to the individual parent. The upkeep of laundry is on the household the clothing is worn and it's just one less thing for households to bitch at each other over. No one expects Dad to run out and buy a ridiculous amount of fancy name brand high end clothing on hand, but *I* would expect him to be able to have enough to cover a weekend (he can find his way to garage sales, goodwill and beg family for hand me downs). I think of it as the crib/pack-n-play. Why should BM supply a bed at the NCP's house to sleep and play area? I'm not suggesting the NCP run out and buy new and latest trend, I'm saying what the child needs in the home for their scheduled time should be provided by NCP. Maybe BM doesn't have a pack-n-play and instead uses only a fullsize crib...should CP be expected to dismantle it and cart it around EOWE or whatever, or be forced to buy two out of CS so Dad has one? I mean why stop there, maybe BM should buy a complete crib bedding set and hanging mobile musical for Dad's house to. Heck, Dad could decide he wants yellow instead of the current pink one so BM should dig into the CS and get Dad the new preferred color choice...Dad wants to have family photo done and wants baby to have a particular color/style dress for baby. No problem, just send a list to CP of exactly what her wants and BM best run ad get it? Yes, I'm using extremes for examples but it all fits into the same old argument 'what CS is for'.
JMO but to me some NCP households get a bit carried away on what CS is for and what they expect it to cover. As you stated, CS is to cover the child's need in the CP's home.
ETA: oh, I didn't mean this post to sound like I was ranting at you, Rags. It was meant to agree with what you had stated and to on on and expand my own personal thoughts. I'm not trying to be snarky with you, Rags. I just get very tired of the same old debate of 'what CS is for' and the battle cry of 'I pay CS' as if the only responsibility a NCP should have is their $200-$1500 contribution a month. *We* must remember that not all CPs receive the same amount of CS.
This is not always the case. We have my stepson 65% of the time during the school year and 50% of the 10 weeks of summer break. No one is named the custodial parent (they prefer not to in NH). DH pays quite a bit of child support, still, to the BM. When they set this amount with the court, he agreed to her higher proposal with the condition that "she buy everything". Well, *that* certainly doesn't happen. We buy all of his school clothes since he goes to school in our town. (according to their agreement we shouldn't have to) She constantly sends him in clothes and shoes that are too small, so any hope of utilizes "her" winter clothing (for example) for him is not possible. We have to buy him 2nd sets of things like that and then play the ridiculous game of sending him back in the (too small) things that she sends. It is a nightmare. Two weeks ago he came back to us wearing a pair of flip flops that his entire heel did not fit onto. Not just a portion, the whole heel. These poor kids.
Dad should have stuff at his house but if I were sending my baby for the weekend and couldn't count on him having the necessities, I would send plenty of diapers, bottles, etc.
If we are talking about every other weekend, I think there are limits as to what should be expected at the weekender's home. Sure, it would be nice to have a crib and a complete second set of baby stuff but like tog mentioned, it can get expensive.
I had my niece A LOT when she was a baby, almost every weekend. I did not buy a crib, we made do without one. I bought diapers, in case my sister didn't send enough and I had bottles. And, of course, toys (which I am still getting rid of and she's 12!).
The important thing is the child, so if I had to send everything, I would.
I decorated my GB's entire nursery off of Craigslist with the exception of a great storage unit I got at Ikea for like no money and a beautiful white faux fur rug that I bought at Home Goods. Everything else, crib, chair, toys, I got from Craigslist and from my towns mommy FB page. Her nursery looks like a Pinterest blog but you'd never know by looking at it that it was mostly all second hand stuff.
Mixed feelings on this. DH paid an OUTRAGEOUS amount of CS when SD was younger, so that's what started the 'you need to pack a bag' thing. She would send clothes but he had to figure out everything else, which meant they just went without because he couldn't afford to have these things. Clothes are still sent, which are so ridiculous its hard to keep SD dress appropriately. Even if the clothes are new they aren't things an 8yr of that size should be wearing.
Now that Im a mom too, I always think about how Id act if we were dealing with this. I would surely pack everything my baby and older son need to visit dad, probably even if he didn't pay CS because I care about my kids. I wouldn't want dollar store diapers on my baby or kids to go without baths because he didn't want to buy/couldn't afford the correct supplies.
CS shouldn't just be to contribute at the CP's house, typically CS is more than his 1/2 of 'what it really costs'.
I think that if a NCP parent has the child at their home, they should have everything said child needs, whether it's diapers, formula, clothes, a bed, whatever.
When my kids were little, XH didn't expect me to provide things for them at HIS house. He got some bunk beds, clothes, even his own supply of the youngest one's medicine.
I think it is the responsibility of BOTH parents to provide for the child when the child is with them.
GB comes over a few times a week so that BS17 can babysit while BM is at school and then we get her for an overnight on Saturday until Sunday every weekend. At our home, GB has everything she needs. Her own nursery with her crib, her pack & play, her car seat, diapers, formula, bottles, toys and plenty of clothes. We told BM the only thing she needs to bring with GB when she drops her off is her medicines if she is taking any, for whatever reason. It makes life a lot easier on BOTH parents if the kids have everything they need at both homes. Of course, as they get older that doesn't mean laptops or cellphones for each house, but you get my drift.
BM doesn't even bring a change of clothes for her because we have so much clothes for her that she is outgrowing them way too quickly. So when she takes her home on Sunday, she will have on one of our outfits and within a week or two, BM will send us all our clothes back.
Sally, I can't imagine NOT being a dotting granny. My GB is the light of my life. Would I have imagined it a year and a half ago when I first found out? NO WAY JOSE.
But she is a ray of sunshine in our home and we have all accepted her as the blessing that she truly is.
Baby is 4 mths old and dad wants mom to pack everything including sleeper. Mom is nursing and having a hard time with milk production so baby nurses every 3 hrs still. His parenting time is one weekday for 8 hrs and one overnight per week, his choice.
This is my other daughter (sd). Luckily she understands the harm that can come from parents fighting so she is trying her best to minimize arguments.
Just wow, a 4 month old breastfed baby going for over nights. I am stunned. I cannot say I would ever have been alright with that for either of my daughters.
If dad wants over nights, then dad should ensure he has the set up for it. My SO separated from Jabba when Chucky was 3 months old. He had his own room, with a cot, pram, car seat et al. The only thing Jabba sent was clothes. Once SS was 3 that stopped as well and SO provides everything for SS when he has him.
I don't see how this father can expect a camp cot (bed), pram, car seat, changing mat, bottles, formula/ expressed milk, nappies, creams et al to be handed over for 1 sleep over. Packing for a baby that young is like packing to go on holiday and how does the mother ensure everything is returned?
You don't mention ages, so I am working on the assumption this is a self sufficient father and not a 17 year old kid with disinterested parents.
Dad is over 30 but lives with his parents because he claims not to be able to afford his own place.(But he goes bowling 2x a week) They did live together but he left at the 6 week mark. Daughter was forced to move in with her mother (horrible situation) and is looking for a decent full time job. CS is minimal so it really only pays for baby's essentials.
He should have everything that child needs at his house, certainly the very basics. You can get a lot of things very cheap or even free from friends, freecycle etc.
As my DD grows I'm giving away a lot of the things she no longer needs, including clothing, highchair, etc etc - I even have a crib going spare but I'm nowhere near you so no use to you I'm afraid. My point is, you don't need to spend a lot of money. My DD had almost evrything second-hand and it has done her no harm at all, babies need love and care from their parents and don't give a damn about whether their pushchair is the latest must-have model or an older one on its third baby!!
I also don't agree on overnights for a breast-feeding baby, certainly later on but not when they are that young.
We now have shared custody but when BM was sole custodian (and my SO paid CS) we still had everything the SD's needed at our house - frankly it would not have occured to either of us to have had it any other way.
And what will Dad do if the
And what will Dad do if the kid craps through all the diapers Mom sent? As well as soils all the clothes?
No. CS is the NCPs
No.
CS is the NCPs contribution to supporting the child when the kid is in the CP household. When the kid is in the NCPs household the NCP pays for all cost related to kid.
Except ...... clothing. When visiting the NCP the kid should arrive with adequate clothing and return to the CP with that clothing. The clothing belongs to the kid and the kid should have their clothing, or at least an adequate cross section of their clothing during visitation.
I agree with your first
I agree with your first paragraph, but not so much with your second. I would think clothing would depend on when the baby (we're talking bottles and diapers so I guess child is baby age) visitation schedule is. As a mother, I'd be livid to purchase a bunch of cute baby clothing (even if using CS to do so) and having them returned full of baby formula and spit up stains along with squash and beet.
I'd find myself faced with either spending a my workweek with trying to get out already washed and dried crappy looing clothing or spending more of the CS on additional clothing (which takes away from other things the child may need). IMO the situation could also end up being one of those where the BM just sends the old stained and/or out grown clothing to the Dad and Dad squealing about how BM only sends inappropriate clothing for the kids. Kid looks like ragamuffin How many times do we read here about the crap clothing sent to the NCP's house? Over and over.
Babies and toddlers already grow at the blink of an eye so clothing is always something needed purchased and replaced. IMO both homes need to have clothing which is kept in that individual home. The style/taste is up to the individual parent. The upkeep of laundry is on the household the clothing is worn and it's just one less thing for households to bitch at each other over. No one expects Dad to run out and buy a ridiculous amount of fancy name brand high end clothing on hand, but *I* would expect him to be able to have enough to cover a weekend (he can find his way to garage sales, goodwill and beg family for hand me downs). I think of it as the crib/pack-n-play. Why should BM supply a bed at the NCP's house to sleep and play area? I'm not suggesting the NCP run out and buy new and latest trend, I'm saying what the child needs in the home for their scheduled time should be provided by NCP. Maybe BM doesn't have a pack-n-play and instead uses only a fullsize crib...should CP be expected to dismantle it and cart it around EOWE or whatever, or be forced to buy two out of CS so Dad has one? I mean why stop there, maybe BM should buy a complete crib bedding set and hanging mobile musical for Dad's house to. Heck, Dad could decide he wants yellow instead of the current pink one so BM should dig into the CS and get Dad the new preferred color choice...Dad wants to have family photo done and wants baby to have a particular color/style dress for baby. No problem, just send a list to CP of exactly what her wants and BM best run ad get it? Yes, I'm using extremes for examples but it all fits into the same old argument 'what CS is for'.
JMO but to me some NCP households get a bit carried away on what CS is for and what they expect it to cover. As you stated, CS is to cover the child's need in the CP's home.
ETA: oh, I didn't mean this post to sound like I was ranting at you, Rags. It was meant to agree with what you had stated and to on on and expand my own personal thoughts. I'm not trying to be snarky with you, Rags. I just get very tired of the same old debate of 'what CS is for' and the battle cry of 'I pay CS' as if the only responsibility a NCP should have is their $200-$1500 contribution a month. *We* must remember that not all CPs receive the same amount of CS.
This is not always the case.
This is not always the case. We have my stepson 65% of the time during the school year and 50% of the 10 weeks of summer break. No one is named the custodial parent (they prefer not to in NH). DH pays quite a bit of child support, still, to the BM. When they set this amount with the court, he agreed to her higher proposal with the condition that "she buy everything". Well, *that* certainly doesn't happen. We buy all of his school clothes since he goes to school in our town. (according to their agreement we shouldn't have to) She constantly sends him in clothes and shoes that are too small, so any hope of utilizes "her" winter clothing (for example) for him is not possible. We have to buy him 2nd sets of things like that and then play the ridiculous game of sending him back in the (too small) things that she sends. It is a nightmare. Two weeks ago he came back to us wearing a pair of flip flops that his entire heel did not fit onto. Not just a portion, the whole heel. These poor kids.
Dad should have stuff at his
Dad should have stuff at his house but if I were sending my baby for the weekend and couldn't count on him having the necessities, I would send plenty of diapers, bottles, etc.
If we are talking about every other weekend, I think there are limits as to what should be expected at the weekender's home. Sure, it would be nice to have a crib and a complete second set of baby stuff but like tog mentioned, it can get expensive.
I had my niece A LOT when she was a baby, almost every weekend. I did not buy a crib, we made do without one. I bought diapers, in case my sister didn't send enough and I had bottles. And, of course, toys (which I am still getting rid of and she's 12!).
The important thing is the child, so if I had to send everything, I would.
I decorated my GB's entire
I decorated my GB's entire nursery off of Craigslist with the exception of a great storage unit I got at Ikea for like no money and a beautiful white faux fur rug that I bought at Home Goods. Everything else, crib, chair, toys, I got from Craigslist and from my towns mommy FB page. Her nursery looks like a Pinterest blog but you'd never know by looking at it that it was mostly all second hand stuff.
Mixed feelings on this. DH
Mixed feelings on this. DH paid an OUTRAGEOUS amount of CS when SD was younger, so that's what started the 'you need to pack a bag' thing. She would send clothes but he had to figure out everything else, which meant they just went without because he couldn't afford to have these things. Clothes are still sent, which are so ridiculous its hard to keep SD dress appropriately. Even if the clothes are new they aren't things an 8yr of that size should be wearing.
Now that Im a mom too, I always think about how Id act if we were dealing with this. I would surely pack everything my baby and older son need to visit dad, probably even if he didn't pay CS because I care about my kids. I wouldn't want dollar store diapers on my baby or kids to go without baths because he didn't want to buy/couldn't afford the correct supplies.
CS shouldn't just be to contribute at the CP's house, typically CS is more than his 1/2 of 'what it really costs'.
I think that if a NCP parent
I think that if a NCP parent has the child at their home, they should have everything said child needs, whether it's diapers, formula, clothes, a bed, whatever.
When my kids were little, XH didn't expect me to provide things for them at HIS house. He got some bunk beds, clothes, even his own supply of the youngest one's medicine.
I think it is the responsibility of BOTH parents to provide for the child when the child is with them.
GB comes over a few times a
GB comes over a few times a week so that BS17 can babysit while BM is at school and then we get her for an overnight on Saturday until Sunday every weekend. At our home, GB has everything she needs. Her own nursery with her crib, her pack & play, her car seat, diapers, formula, bottles, toys and plenty of clothes. We told BM the only thing she needs to bring with GB when she drops her off is her medicines if she is taking any, for whatever reason. It makes life a lot easier on BOTH parents if the kids have everything they need at both homes. Of course, as they get older that doesn't mean laptops or cellphones for each house, but you get my drift.
BM doesn't even bring a change of clothes for her because we have so much clothes for her that she is outgrowing them way too quickly. So when she takes her home on Sunday, she will have on one of our outfits and within a week or two, BM will send us all our clothes back.
Sally, I can't imagine NOT
Sally, I can't imagine NOT being a dotting granny. My GB is the light of my life. Would I have imagined it a year and a half ago when I first found out? NO WAY JOSE.
But she is a ray of sunshine in our home and we have all accepted her as the blessing that she truly is.
Thanks all Baby is 4 mths old
Thanks all
Baby is 4 mths old and dad wants mom to pack everything including sleeper. Mom is nursing and having a hard time with milk production so baby nurses every 3 hrs still. His parenting time is one weekday for 8 hrs and one overnight per week, his choice.
This is my other daughter (sd). Luckily she understands the harm that can come from parents fighting so she is trying her best to minimize arguments.
Just wow, a 4 month old
Just wow, a 4 month old breastfed baby going for over nights. I am stunned. I cannot say I would ever have been alright with that for either of my daughters.
If dad wants over nights, then dad should ensure he has the set up for it. My SO separated from Jabba when Chucky was 3 months old. He had his own room, with a cot, pram, car seat et al. The only thing Jabba sent was clothes. Once SS was 3 that stopped as well and SO provides everything for SS when he has him.
I don't see how this father can expect a camp cot (bed), pram, car seat, changing mat, bottles, formula/ expressed milk, nappies, creams et al to be handed over for 1 sleep over. Packing for a baby that young is like packing to go on holiday and how does the mother ensure everything is returned?
You don't mention ages, so I am working on the assumption this is a self sufficient father and not a 17 year old kid with disinterested parents.
Dad is over 30 but lives with
Dad is over 30 but lives with his parents because he claims not to be able to afford his own place.(But he goes bowling 2x a week) They did live together but he left at the 6 week mark. Daughter was forced to move in with her mother (horrible situation) and is looking for a decent full time job. CS is minimal so it really only pays for baby's essentials.
He should have everything
He should have everything that child needs at his house, certainly the very basics. You can get a lot of things very cheap or even free from friends, freecycle etc.
As my DD grows I'm giving away a lot of the things she no longer needs, including clothing, highchair, etc etc - I even have a crib going spare but I'm nowhere near you so no use to you I'm afraid. My point is, you don't need to spend a lot of money. My DD had almost evrything second-hand and it has done her no harm at all, babies need love and care from their parents and don't give a damn about whether their pushchair is the latest must-have model or an older one on its third baby!!
I also don't agree on overnights for a breast-feeding baby, certainly later on but not when they are that young.
We now have shared custody but when BM was sole custodian (and my SO paid CS) we still had everything the SD's needed at our house - frankly it would not have occured to either of us to have had it any other way.