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Fay's picture

Submitted by Fay on Sat, 06/29/2013 - 9:19pm

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General Discussion

I met this really awesome women at my school whom started off as a friend, and his evolved into a relationship. I've never been with a women who's got a child(We're both young 21 and 22 respectively.)

It's all a bit over whelming(Luickly the child is only 3 y/o and the biological father is gone and has no parental rights) but I'm dedicated to these two important people in my life. I've very quickly grown to love her child and people have said i've always I connect with children on a different level. Before anything is asked I'm not some immature person running around 'trying to play house' purely based on my age.

The only problem that I have is a lack of experince. I've got the love to give, The basics of how to behave around children, but I don't know where to start with the whole parenting thing and don't want to come on too strong.

Anyone able to give some building blocks and help me out?

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Sat, 06/29/2013 - 10:03pm

I'm glad you are trying very hard for this, it's refreshing to see someone who has not yet been jaded by this. I think first things first, you should figure out what your expectations are when it comes to discipline, love, and activities in regards to the child, and then once you know where you stand and what's important to you, have a talk with your GF about what HER expectations from you are, about your involvement in discipline, love, and activities.

Once you guys hash that out, how do you achieve a compromise? By setting ground rules both of you follow, and parenting ruled both of you follow. For example, these are some of my and DH's:

1. We never disagree about a discipline given by one parent in front of the child. We support each other and talk about a disagreement alone,w when it's just the two of us, and if we both agree the discipline method has to change and be lighter, then the parent who handed it down must be the one two notify the child of the change. This is what a united front means.

2. We never defend the child against the other parent in terms of discipline (unless it is verbal/physical abuse) and ask to speak to each other in private, the parent disciplining must end the conversation with the child and speak with the other to come to a compromise.

3. Certain types of discipline for certain behaviors, no ifs ands or buts. Rudeness and disrespect, the child needs to be put in time out and reflect on their behavior and then apologize to the person they hurt. Hitting someone would have time out and things taken away. Etc.

Ours is equal and united front, no matter whose kid it is. We won't be "protective" or think he other person is too hard on the children because we know the other person truly loves us and the kids to want to help make them a better person. This is only achieved if you can trust the motivations and intentions of the other person.

However, some people have a different approach which works for them, which is stepping back and letting the biological parent handle everything related to the kid.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is try to figure what you and Gf's style is before a fight occurs. Communicate about it beforehand, since whne tempers fly, rarely do things get solved.

Fay's picture

Submitted by Fay on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 7:06pm

Thank you all for your great suggestions and I will take them too heart. She has begun giving me more responsabilities and freedom with the child which I rather enjoy. Only way I'm going to know if I'm confortable with certain tasks in the long-term.

I will participate in the rest of the forums as well in time. Gathering information is my goal at the moment Smile