My opinion? Tread softly. If he doesn't want to know (whether he suspects or not), I wouldn't push it. H doesn't know if SS7 is his, but he loves him so much he can't bear the thought of finding out bad news.

Personally, I think it's asinine to go all these years without being sure and to never know. H and SS deserve to know. If BM hadn't been such a moronic, slutty, lying, cheating stealing bitch of a wife it wouldn't be in question. H told me he wasn't sure, but when I asked about a test to find out, he shut down and basically told me not to bring it up again. Secretly, I wish we could at least do something simple like find out their blood types. It's not conclusive by any means, but it might get the ball rolling. I hate not knowing...

I can totally relate to this. I was married for over 10 years. That ended a couple of years ago. When I met my ex, he had a 3 year old boy. He had custody every weekend, and flexible days during the week, and a cordial relationship with his ex. Until, she got married. All of a sudden we were picking the boy up and he was saying things like "I know you are not my daddy." He went from a happy to a moody child, and his mom suddenly began talking about moving halfway across the country. Basically, things got weird.

My ex admitted to me that he had some doubts that he was the dad, because he was away in the military around the time she got pregnant. He mentioned this to a doctor on the day the boy was born, and was offered a DNA test, but he declined. I guess he put those thoughts out of his mind, even later, when he discovered his first wife was cheating, which resulted in their divorce. The boy had blond hair which made him resemble my ex. But the doubts resurfaced when the boy kept getting increasingly upset and started calling his mother's new husband daddy, and of course the comments that my ex wasn't his dad.

My ex ordered a home DNA kit and we tested the boy at home. It was very easy, just a q-tip. I dont remember how long we waited, but the letter came with the results, and my ex called and said he was holding it. I begged him to wait to open it until I came home from work, but he didnt and I returned home to find him weeping on the floor-"0% chance of paternity." It was hell. This was a few months before our wedding, and I almost canceled. He literally changed overnight.

He went to a family lawyer and she gave him some awesome advice. He thought about the options he had, and at the same time, his ex was getting increasingly weirder. She wound up petitioning the court for very limited visitation and a ton more in child support, since she had decided to move. My ex made the heartbreaking decision to let the court know that this was not his child. By law, we had to get another DNA test through the courts. On that day, there were many nasty women sitting there waiting for tests, laughing and joking about who their babies' fathers could be. I was horrified. It was like a joke, but NOT for my ex. He was devastated.

Of course the 2nd DNA test was the same, and my ex lost custody of the boy. The court said that because he was 3, he would not remember my ex. I dont know what the "cut off age" is, but there is a certain one here where they will NOT allow the father to lose his rights, so at that age, the father would still have to pay support, even though he is not biologically the dad.

This was a nightmare. My ex's first wife had the boy's name changed to her new husband's last name, so I dont know if the boy knows who the real father is, and I dont know if she does. It is NOT the husband.

It is a very personal decision, and BellaMia is correct-tread softly. The reason my ex did what he did was because we were pretty much certain she was planning on revealing the truth. I think she had been telling the little boy that my ex wasnt his dad, to push my ex to make the first move. Had the boy been older, my ex would have not made the decision he did, but he would have still had to have paid CS, and he would have had limited visitation. And he was sure his ex would have made it a horrible situation for the little boy.

This is a very difficult decision to make for a man, especially if he has been the father of the child. My husband was aware BM was cheating, but allowed himself to be talked into the fact that it was his child because she looked "just like him" (She does then again so did the guy she was cheating with so...).

We talked about doing a DNA test but DH was dad regardless at the point we met & was not sure he could give up his daughter. Also, BM would definitely hold his doubts against him despite the fact he had good reason to question paternity.

He did the home DNA test for my SD when she was 4 or 5. We were facing a huge court custody case (Mom moved illegally)that I could not stomach without knowing for sure. This way he could still be dad if he chose if it was not his kid.

It took about two weeks & she is 99.99% his. It was a weight off his shoulders he never knew he had. We did the court thing, spent $10000, won & brought her back to our state.

Consider he may still want to be dad DNA or not. Good Luck.

Honestly, I'd like to know and based on what H has said, he wants to know too but is too afraid to find out. Is it possible to do it and not say anything? Then again, that's a huge can of worms to open... Sigh... Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs (and slutty exes) lie...

If your husband doesn't want to know, don't go there. It is frustrating, but it is his choice. He will see you as trying to control his relationship with his child, and not trusting his judgement. I advise you to pray about, and let God work it out. As they say, everything comes out in the wash. Besides, depending on the state, he may remain on the hook for child support anyway, and keep his parental rights, but if he finds out he is not the dad due to your interference, your relationship may not recover.

Besides, my husbnd's BM was conniving and cheating. THe boy looks nothing like my husband, just his mother (what a shame) and the boy is 99.99 percent his. Of course, in Ohio, they do a PT when you go to child support, I think whether you are married or not. THe state doing a little CYA due to all of the lying and promiscuity.

A little different spin in my situation. My DW's ex had a paternity test when SD was 10, because he wanted to **lose** his parental rights. He was tired of paying child support and was looking for an out. If he had not been the father, he would never have spoken to SD again. Of course, SD absolutely worships her "perfect" bio-daddy, and it would have been devastating for him to walk out of her life.

DW said that she never cheated on SD17's dad, and I believe her. Based on my experiences with her, I know that she wouldn't lie about that. Also, SD17 looks **exactly** like her perfect bio-daddy (just a female version), and has his same belligerant personality. The whole thing was ridiculous.