when Skids tell you bad things that happen at BM house
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What do you say if your skids say "BM'S boyfriend pinches me and I tell him to stop and he doesnt then I tell BM and she says she doesnt care" or " BM's boyfriend and his kids STEAL from people and I am there when it happens."? We tell the kid he needs to tell his BM what he feels about all this and if he sees them stealing he needs to tell the person they are stealing from. SS9 has went back and told BM several lies about things we have said so now we document everything and even get him to write things down that he tells us(ex. He said she loves her bf more than him so I told him to write how he feels in his journal). But what more can you do without going to court???
Hard to not send him when he
Hard to not send him when he is in her custody. I think she needs to be locked up for allowing him to witness criminal activity.
I think you need to check to
I think you need to check to make sure they're not lying. Kids often play both homes against each other. How do you and dh get along with bm and her bf? Maybe you both (or just dh) could talk in a non-confrontational way with them. See if the kids have suspicious scars or marks on their bodies.
If bm and her bf won't talk and/or the kids have suspicious marks/scars on their bodies, take pictures and call 911 and CPS.
Yeah....if you read my blog
Yeah....if you read my blog you can tell we dont talk to BM if at all possible. She has came here rasing cane about these things lately saying we are telling SS9 things that are not right. Ex. She said I told him to punch her bf in the face if he pinches him. NOTEVEN CLOSE. I told him he needs to tell him to stop it hurts him and if that doesnt work then tell BM if she doesnt stop it thenkeep saying stop. But if nothing works he has the right to protect and defend himself.
The diary is perfect. Tell
The diary is perfect. Tell the kid that sometimes adults, even parents, do bad things but children don't have a say in it beyond telling another adult - which he's done - you. If he's upset its time to explain in age appropriate terms how adults can't be punished for crimes with only the word of a child.
By court do you mean sue for custody? Without proof that would go nowhere. At age 14 Daddy would be allowed to make a case but it would be based on age not unproved allegations of BM's lack of love.
Agree with annon... SD told
Agree with annon... SD told us once that BM let her bf eat all of the breakfast and she only got one pancake. We checked with BM and confronted SD sure enough she was lying and doing a good job. This has happened several times.
And this is exactly why we
And this is exactly why we don't buy into everything he says. BM however thinks the kid doesnt lie or does no wrong. He is always telling her I said something I didnt say and she gets PISSED. She then just YELLS at DH in front of SS9 and even when dh tells her it is not true she tells him that he is "a sorry ass father" or "a f###ing failure". All with SS9 within ear shot and hearig it all. She never talks about it like an adult so we stopped playing into it. We just tell SS9 he needs to tell his mom about it so that way if he does then she hears it from him.
What ACTUALLY happens and
What ACTUALLY happens and what kids PERCIEVE as happening are 2 completely different things.
I tell DH all the time when he flies off the handle and says "Can you believe this? ss12 just told me that......happens at BM's house!!!"
SS12 knows what to say to get a reaction from dh and he takes full advantage.
As much as I hate bm, I know the insanity that goes on over there, I'd LOVE for a judge to pull her visitation, etc: I am fully aware that the reality of what happens and the reality that reaches ss12's brain are entirely different.
So when ss12 begins a story, I take it as 60/40, even 70/30 of truth vs. perception.
Totally agree, kids lie about
Totally agree, kids lie about what goes on in the other house, even in low-conflict situations. My SD's, when they were younger, told some WHOPPERS. The youngest claimed that her SF punched her in the head and then told the girls to lie to us about it. Turns out he accidentally bumped into her when playing basketball. (They admitted it.) When I got pregnant, they told BM we said we didn't want them around any more, that they were being replaced. THAT one lead to a Come To Jesus Meeting with all 4 adults and all 3 girls.
You should have seen the looks on their little faces when they realized they were busted! They tried to tell BM that she had "misunderstood" and she went ballistic, because she finally realized they'd been playing her.
You've said you know that SS tells lies to BM about you. So you DO know that he lies to you about her, right? Take everything he says with a huge grain of salt and don't take it ANYWHERE (court or whatever) without proof.
About the only thing you can do is record the things he says. Not for court - like I said, he's likely lying. But you can play them for BM the next time she confronts you about some lie he's told about YOU, to prove that he is a liar.
Thank you! I totally know the
Thank you! I totally know the kid is lying but some of it BM actually admits to happening (ie. The pinching thing has happened, he talk of moving has hapened, andeshe knows her kid doesnt like her bf and she doesnt care). But to get pissed because dh and myself tell SS that he has the right to defend and protect himself was beyond stupid. So you want your bf abusing your child?? :? I will start recording all conversation with the kid. Then play it for the crazy loon if she wants to keep at it. But if she tries to push it to court I guess I will start video taping all weekend when he is here just so they can see whst he says and how we react and what we tell him. We havent told him anything that the constitution etc wouldnt tell him. Lol apparently the spawn of satan(BM) didnt go to school enough to know that and thinks the kid has no rights unless she tells him he can do something.