When skids get older - how often do they choose to live w/one parent??
For instance, SO and I have 50/50 w/BM - but when the kids become teenagers, how common is it for the skids to choose to stay at one parent's place and only see the other parent EOWE? Does that happen a lot, or do most parents tell them they don't have a choice and keep the 50/50 schedule? I know it's a possibility that the skids could end up at our house full time, that's something you have to realize when you get into a situation such as this - but I'm just curious as to what has happened with your skids when they got older??
I'm not from a broken home and none of my family members are either - I have no experience in this stuff whatsoever. Except now, when I decided to date a man with 2 kids (yes, I still think I'm crazy!). So it's all very foreign to me and I just don't really know what usually goes on in these situations as the kids get older. His kids are SD10 and SS8, so that time will be here before we know it! lol
Agree, they "same sex
Agree, they "same sex identify" as teens, BUT my teens have NOT chosen to stop their 50/50 cycle yet.
DS15 or DD13 have not yet decided. But I think once they start driving it will be different too.
Who knows, I want them to have both parents actively involved in their lives!
I think it's important that
I think it's important that both parents be involved as well. I can see once they are driving only living (aka sleeping) at one house, but spending equal amount of time at both being okay.
It'll be interesting to see
It'll be interesting to see how that plays out... They would certainly be choosing their mom's house then over ours - they have to do chores and homework and BATHE at our place, for goodness sakes! How evil we are! }:)
It's funny how you said they want the same sex parent, I've always pictured it happening the exact opposite with his kids. If you look at pictures of the 4 of us, and the 4 of them at their moms (BM and Stepdad, kids) - SD10 always looks much happier with us and SS8 looks much happier with his mom.
I hate how kids equate
I hate how kids equate gifts/not enforcing rules with love! I am very much an authoritarian parent. But at the same time we talk about why rules are important and such. But then my kids think that "is like I don't love them" When they don't get their way... ie my daughter got grounded for trying to get out of eating her fish last night,but the doctor has said her bmi is in the 38%, And then in the past 2 or 3 weeks she lost 3 more pounds, so I put a stop to her vegetarianism.
When my husband was a
When my husband was a teenager he chose to live with his Dad as he knew that he would do better at school etc living with his Dad. His brother chose to live with their Aunt and Uncle. There mum is the sweetest woman, but doesn't provide the best environment for bringing up kids. I think that my MIL still feels a bit rejected by them both. She has a good relationship now with my husband, my BIL doesn't really talk to her as he felt abandoned by her I think.
We are slowly approaching
We are slowly approaching this subject as well. SS17 will be going to college and SS12 has hinted that he would like to live with us. DH couldnt be happier but I have some reservations.
I told DH that SS12 has to be ready for WW3. I don't know the laws so dont even know if they will let him (he will be 13 by that time) to even make that decision. He will have to change school systems, BM will lose the only income she has - CS - and SS12 will have to make alot of changes. We have him from Friday to Sunday night every weekend but they are filled with his travel baseball and day trips when not. His only chore is trash and recycle and keeping his room clean (NEVER). So if he lives with us he is in for a rude awakening. DH needs to make it clear to him now!! Don't put everyone through a war for you to turn around and decide to go running back to BM because you have absolutely no rules there. Everyone does for him there that 3 different people have to make sure his bags have everything he needs for baseball.
*Snort* Do you allow them to
*Snort* Do you allow them to spend money at the Book Fair? (Okay, I went there and just had to ask.) }:)
My husband is going through
My husband is going through this right now with his daughter. She's 12. She just told him that she wants to be with her mom more. She said she cries herself to sleep every night. He's getting her into see a counselor (if the ex will allow) it just to be sure this is a good decision for her. He'll be heartbroken. He's 100% hands on dad and has had her 50% of the time since she was 5.
Hi confused86 - My parents
Hi confused86 - My parents divorced when I was 11 and my brother was 8. When I was about 16, my mother got into a serious relationship with the man who eventually became my stepdad. I won't say anything disparaging about her or him, but will say that, once she was in that relationship, she was really involved in that relationship.
When I went off to college, my brother decided to move out and move in with our dad. This hurt my mother very much. To this day, I am not entirely sure why my brother made this decision even though we have talked about it many times. I think it is complicated and a really individual thing.
I eventually ended up transferring and moving back home for the rest of my college career and that took some of the sting off, but it was weird having my brother living with my dad and me living with mom. Sorry if this was lacking in advice; I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
His kids are so close right
His kids are so close right now, in age and just relationship-wise, I would find it very strange if they ended up in different households, but anything is possible.
BM might not have as many rules, but apparently she can just fly off the handle at any little thing. She doesn't punish them when she should, but for stupid things. Example: kid knocks a cup of water onto the floor, completely by accident, and WW3 breaks lose (in front of company!!) But if same kid punches a different kid at school, he just has to do a chore w/her when he gets home. Whaaa???
I hope for my SO's sake (and lets be honest, mine as well!), they decide to stick w/ the 50/50 arrangement. He'd be heartbroken if they left him to stay with BM and they wouldn't turn out to be very successful members of society either...
Thanks for the insight/responses everyone!
I think we are about to have
I think we are about to have to deal with this as well. My SD 11 turns 12 soon, and she wants to come live with us. I don't want to do it because I believe she doesn't like her mom's rules, and thinks she will have an easier time here. She and I have never gotten along, and I would be her main caregiver as DH works a lot. Still, I'd love to get her away from her mother's awful influence....but I don't see the wicked witch giving up her precious CS (CS is code for tanning money, bleaching her hair money and going out to bars money) Besides, once SD realizes life here is tough, and we don't have extra money to spend on her every whim, she will run back to BM. Plus, I don't want a mini-BM spy in my house all the time. That sounds mean, but I couldn't take it. We have plenty of drama as it is.
We have SS18 and SD16 30% of
We have SS18 and SD16 30% of the time. They only live a mile away, but they still come over as much as they ever did. We have a 2-bed house and part of me dreads moving as I think SS18 would want to move in with us full time. He doesn't get on great with his mum and he is so much like his dad. Unfortunately, Dad is a Disney Dad and doesn't enforce rules or chores so of course they won't stop coming over. I think we will have this until they are about 35.
35!?!?! OMG! My SO always
35!?!?! OMG! My SO always says he's done when they are 18 - and that we can move to wherever we want (WASHINGTON!!). We'll see about that though.. lol
Well, I thought that at 18
Well, I thought that at 18 things would change but they haven't so I might well be booting them all out soon. I don't see a light at the end of my tunnel.
This is a great question. One
This is a great question. One I am interested in as well. SS has mentioned he wants to live with his Dad but hates me so he refuses. SD would like to live with us, but BM made her feel guilty since she would also be losing her only income which is child support. It's sad that children have to be put in these types of situations and cannot love both parents equally without feeling guilt. So unfortunate that BM does this to them.
I'm sure BM would do the same
I'm sure BM would do the same thing to the skids... I'd be very surprised if she didn't! I just hope everything can stay the way it is now and nobody has any issues with it. They genuinely enjoy being able to spend time with both parents, SD10 has even discussed that with me. The only thing I see throwing a wrench in their happiness of having both parents EOW would be when SO and I have a baby - then they might start feeling jealous b/c our baby will get dad FT...
I also think parents should
I also think parents should ALWAYS question the kids motives when they say they want to live at one house or another...I have several friends who I was friends with when they were together and am still friends with both parties...I have heard kids tell BOTH they want to live with them, list their reasons etc. Sometimes to mom and dad in the same weekend! I think sometimes kids want to feed their parents egos - I have seen it with a goal in mind (to bribe essentially), but also just because they seem to think it is what the parents want to hear.