When do feelings change?
So I've started disenging from SKs due to lack of interest/support from DH and him overruling what I say right in front of them. Although I've tried talking with DH about undermining me, it was to no avail. I don't even think he has noticed my disengaging. Even thoughnthey have bad grades and bad behavior at school, there is never avconsequence and he just lets them watch tv alllll the time.I barely acknowledge them anymore. They live with us during the week and go with the mom on weekends. Although they aren't disrespectful children, I just don't want them around anymore. I'm so happy when they leave and I wish they would go live with the mother full time. How can I get past these feelings since they are 10&11 so there is more time before they are old enough to go since the mother doesn't want custody. What can I do?
I am in the same boat. I have
I am in the same boat. I have disengaged because DH is a stubborn ass Disneyland Dad and skid is a nightmare, but I still feel like you do even if I don't voice it openly to DH. I still dred the days he is here, I am still miserable when he is here, and he just gets worse because DH does NOTHING in the way of control or discipline. When DH is working, skid is at MIL's and she is 100x worse than DH, so skid is just awful. He was kicked out of school for his behavior, so he is with her all the time. I truly do not care about skid at all, I don't give a damn how he turns out, but having to be subjected to the disgust of what he is is still so unbearable. I don't know how to get passed that either. There has to be something with disengaging that we are not doing or something.
Omg! Thank you! I'm so glad
Omg! Thank you! I'm so glad I'm not alone! If I didn't have to SEE them just sitting there watching tv in my living room, see remnants of food in the recliner although they know they aren't to eat anywhere but the kitchen/dining room and DH just says the same thing with no consequence! It makes for putrid hatred and it's so consuming! I f I could find a remedy for that, I'd be good. The disengaging part isn't the problem!
Part of disengaging is not
Part of disengaging is not caring what they do. I learned that the hard way: if you don't care, you cant be hurt/angry/frustrated/etc. by it. SS11 doesnt brush his teeth long enough and he's got the dental bills to prove it. I dont care - its dh who pays it. SS11 has 0 coping skills and flys off the handle when ANY plans have to change because well, thats just how life goes. I don't care, I go about my day as though he doesnt exist. He goes to bed late every single night, not my problem. He has nothing (and by nothing; i mean like nothing that he can grab quickly - its all stuff he'd have to put some effort into making in order to have) to bring for lunch for school - not my problem. Stop caring - I PROMISE you will feel better.