I've already discussed this with my husband. He said it's nothing I'd have to worry about.

But , I don't know if I could handle her living with us. Every weekend we have her literally drive me to my breaking point. The minute she goes home I finally feel like I can breathe again. To lose that ... I'd literally lose my mind.

Or go off on the kid so fucking bad after all this time holding it in that she would change her mind and go home crying to momma.

Unfortunately (sigh) we have joint custody, so we have SD almost every night of the week and almost every weekend (she ALWAYS wants to come over). This weekend we don't have her, it will be just my husband, myself and our daughter and I want to just jump for joy that the three of us will finally have some frickin time alone without little miss drama queen. For example, someone took a picture of the three of us at a family event (me, husband, DD) and she FREAKED out because she was being "left out" of the picture. I really think you are soooo lucky that you have them only every other weekend If they ever wanted to come live with you, just have a serious discussion with your husband, and thank your lucky stars that for now they aren't there full time. Also, make darned sure that they know what the rules and expectations in YOUR house are before they ever move in, trust me because they will try to take over and use daddy guilt to their advantage. Good luck!

It happened! SD 6 and SD9 and SS12 all lived with DH and me! I raised them for last 8 years - had 2 boys of my own in that time - BM hateful saboteur that loves to stab me in the back (with help of daughters if possible) - DH works 6 days weeks, 'yes' dad - no boundaries or discipline. SS12 now 21 at university, SD's went back to BM 2 months ago - this was after I completely disengaged and let them ALL know that I was OUT - BM! DH and SD's - I'm now hated by BM and SD17 - SD13 has not said she hates me but no contact from her to me since she left -DH VERY quite and distant (you know I'm sensing he blames me!!!!!) leave me to raise your kids while your ex makes my life hell, your kids walk all over me and you never say a word and then BLAME me for disengaging?!!! yep pretty shite. If I could go back and when that call came when me and DH were sitting on sofa that "SKids wanted to live with us!" I would have stood up - looked DH in the eye and said "sorry you appear to have some childcare issues, I work full time and have no bond with your kids 6, 9 and 12 - you and your ex have a lot of organising of Nannys, childminder and finances - call me when thats sorted and well have some fun! (oh how I wish I could!!!!!!)

I have discussed this with my DH, as there have been threats, over the last 3 years, of both of my SDs coming to live with us.
In the end, I told him that if this happens, I would have to move out. I suffer from depression and anxiety and my mental health would not stand up to either of these two very high maintenance girls coming to live with us full time. I can only just cope with EOW. I admire people who have SKIDs full time but personally it would signal the end of my marriage, and DH is fully aware of that.

Been there, done that. I was actually happy when SD came to live with us so I could finally kill her lice. 8 years of raising her every day later...she went to go live with her grandparents because we cannot live together anymore. She hurt my bios and made it her goal to make my life hell. I finally said no more after I realized she was damaging my bios and after she starting telling me she hates me and calling me curse words...and she is so proud of doing such things that she beams with pride when confronted about it. If DH's parents ever cannot keep her, he can move out and find a place for the two of them (and I will be resentful of course). She belongs in a group home for emotionally disturbed people...she needs that structure...but who am I to know anything. She is not allowed in my house at all. She stole from me constantly and last time she was at my house (dear inlaws letting her run free while we were gone), she took things from my master closet...no more!

There is no way the 3 skids (who are young adults) will ever set foot in my house. DH and I agreed to that before I would get engaged to him, and again, before we got married. They are VILE. They lie and steal. They won't work. They won't do anything but eat, sleep and play video games. They hate me, but 2 of them are still on a mission to live here, and that will never happen. If DH changes his mind, I will be gone. There is no way it would work (even if they were remotely decent, our house is way too small). BM raised them to believe they do not have to work, and can do whatever they want-well, now they are with her, with no signs of leaving-the 3 of them, BM, and her aunt in one house that is tinier than ours.

In my case…I always knew there was a chance that SS would want to live with DH. That is why I would not marry/live with DH for over 8 ish years. When SS turned 15 he moved away with BM and I thought that was my chance to get married finally!!

Guess who moved in with us before we were married a year. Yep..SS.But what could I say? Not a thing. It was his kid.

I'd weep uncontrollably for about an hour, then pull myself together. I'd put together a plan to ensure skids never want to move to a house I live in.

I NEVER thought SD would live with us. She barely wanted to visit, even though we had a room for her. BUT, our F'd up BM screwed up big time and DH got custody of SD. So, now SD lives with us full time. Its a big change, for everyone. We are making it work, slowly. What choice did I have? Its his child. My child lives with us, that wasnt ever an issue. So why should his be? I am not saying its been easy, it is A LOT of work, but it is what it is.

SD12 hints at moving in all the time. I don't want her to. If her mom died? YES, I'd take her in a heartbeat. But she won't die. Evil doesn't die. It outlives us all.
My SS20 is moving into my BS24s old room, which is downstairs to the far end of our house with it's own bathroom. So I won't even have to see or smell his room. So SD12 thinks that her brothers room is being transformed into a Pink Princess Haven. Well...Poor thing, she is going to get very surprised to know that while yes, it will be where she sleeps when she comes over, it is actually a guest room hence no PINK THEMES are happening at all.

I supported him, we went to court, and won full time custody of SD. Never regretted it.

Reading this makes me sick. I fear that someday SS5 will end up with us because his mom is a big pill-poppin loser!

Never ever ever ever let that happen!!! I'm living it right now and literally in tears writing this. I'm at my breaking point. I wish I would have put my foot down when I was told she would be moving in. Fuck this shit.

SD has said numerous times that its ok for DH to remarry (me) but its not ok for BM to & that if BM gets remarried she will 'just come live with us'.
We have 50/50 custody & I can barely handle that. Thankfully DH wouldn't agree to SD moving in with us full time simply because she won't be #1 & centre of attention at her BM's. If we felt she was in danger or her BM died I guess we would have no choice but I would sincerely hate it & not sure I could cope. That's being truly honest.

I agree with Echo that when you marry a man who has kid(s) you have to at least think about the possibility of the skid(s) living with you full time. There is always that possibility.

Talk to your DH & establish just how real that possibility is, what situation would have to happen for DH to want/allow the full time custody so you know how likely it may be. Prepare yourself for the possibility & think really hard about what you really would do. Don't stress about it though as you will waste time thinking & worrying about something that may never happen. Enjoy the time you have now with only EOW & IF that moment of full time custody comes worry then but know your plan for then.

I, and others, are here to tell you...you can say all you want that it will never happen or that you have an agreement with DH that it won't...but it can happen.

BMs flake or disappear or die. We all think "oh, but not us". We are wrong. It can happen to any one of us at any time.

It happened to us. SS lives with us, but I like him. SD lived with us for awhile, but BM eventually wanted her back. She wanted SS as well, but he was 15 at the time and refused. She knew she wouldn't win in court and let it go.

I've recently discussed this with DH -well not in detail but lightly. I'd asked the "worse nightmare" question here a few weeks ago and almost everyone said it'd be their worst nightmare (as well as mine) to have to deal with skids full time. People say "well you know that was a chance when you married a man with kids" and no, I didn't think so because SS is not DH biochild, no legal custody or anything. I assumed (which I shouldn't have done) that Wildebeest had lined up someone in her family to raise him should anything happen to her. Yet I was clear with DH and adamant when we met that I did not want to raise another kid and if I did, I'd have my own which I had no plans to do. He agreed back then but after the past few years and that post, I felt I better remind him. Lol He still said he understands. I'm sure he'd push the issue if it ever came to reality.

Besides the full time nature and expense of raising a kid, SS is too much his Mothers child and I couldn't have that kind of manipulation, sneakiness and entitlement walking around 24/7. DH works 6 days a week and I work average of 52 hours per week. DH has been on his job for 24 years and can retire with full benefits in 9 years at age of 52. We plan to travel a lot more, to spend a year RV'ing the Country and then to open a little hamburger shack here on the beach. We are saving adamantly now. While nothing may go as planned, no matter how the plans change, it won't involve FT Parenting of some other man and woman's kid. Raising a kid is not going to impose on the latter half of my life.

I told my DH before we were married...Unless the BM dies, kids are not living with us....his response was, "I guess I better pray for her health"...LOL! It is not their decision to say "I want to live with Daddy" just because they get mad at the BM and do not get their way. We already have them half the time anyway..which is too much already and if my DH did get custody, then they would still have to go to BM for visitation. My youngest is 17 and I can come and go as please, I am not going to have two disrepectful brats run my house because they think they can.....It would be the end of us...and DH knows that.

Hard to be an orphan of living parents.

Hard to be thought of as bad because you have lice or bad hygiene when you are five.

Hard to be on your own in a stranger's house.

Hard to understand why other kids getlove no matter what and what you get, if you're lucky, is cold as charity. Or worse.

Can make a child feeel like not even trying....