What Reason Would There Be For Any Contact with BM?
My SS is almost 20 - pregnant and getting married next year. My SS is turning 18 in a month. She doesn't live with us but my SS does. My DH has had custody for years and BM doesn't pay a dime in child support. She has never given my DH a nickel to raise his teenage son.
She only sees him on occasion..she does not work and lives off the state saying she's disabled but can screw around with all the men she wants and use anything with a penis.
She feels there's a "need" for my DH and her to remain in contact..their daughter has her own phone, is pregnant, and is living with her fiance and can speak for herself. My SS lives with us, his mother only picks him up once in a blue moon and doesn't even come down long enough to take him out to get a meal. She allowed her daughter to quit high school so my DH's biggest fear is that SS will want to live with mommy due to being able to do anything he wants when he turns 18.
I guess I'm asking if the kids are adults..and the BM is a total psycho who could give 2 shits about anybody but herself...what the hell is the need for my DH and her to have any contact? Any contact with him is a reason for her to flirt or remind him how miserable her life is...is this reason enough for 2 ex spouses to communicate? Hell no in my book.
Thoughts?
Sorry......that is meant to
Sorry......that is meant to say SD is pregnant...lol...oops..
Thanks for seeing it like I
Thanks for seeing it like I do. I think SD's fiance has the strong sense to call my DH when she goes in labor..or even herself as far as that goes. We all know how long labor can take. There is no reason in the world the BM has to have her nose in any of the contacting of my DH...both SD and her fiance are grown adults.
I guess I could see her having any contact of any kind if she was genuine..if she was stable..if she was true to her children and genuinely concerned. But she is none of the above. After contact with my DH in the past, I had received emails basically telling me I was a short fling and wouldn't be around long..then text messages telling me how he and her have such wonderful conversations..this is the work of a mother worried about her children? Not hardly.
ANY contact with him is a way to keep the door open..simply put. Not much more to discuss..:)
My ex and I have had
My ex and I have had virtually NO contact since the kids were around 15 or so. He arranged holidays through them after that time. I'd say he and I actually spoke (on the phone) maybe 3 times from the time they were 14-15 until now (they are 28 and 27 now). He talks directly to them and so do I. The only time I've seen or spoken to him since they were 18 was a couple of years ago when my oldest DD (with special needs) had to have her gall bladder removed in emergency surgery and we met at the hospital. It wasn't a planned meeting, we just both happened to be there. We spoke for a few minutes in the parking lot as we were both leaving on one occasion. My SO was with me. He asked to hug me. I hadn't seen him for over 10 years at that point.
It worked for us but then neither of us were ever helicopter parents.
Thanks for all your
Thanks for all your comments..very appreciated!
I guess the census is that there IS no reason to remain in contact other than a sickness, injury, or death. I cannot fathom any other reason to stay in contact. Even wedding details can be worked out amongst the bride/groom and respective parents...childbirth is handled thru the child delivering or respective partner.
I just see in my case a woman that feels she is best friends with my husband - and clearly is not on his part. In fact he has gotten a new number that she is not allowed to have due to calling him for no reason at all and nothing to do with the kids..plus texting me bullshit texts and emails. THAT right there should be a loud wake up call to her that she is not wanted in any part of our lives. Especially when their kids are adults now.
She's an unhappy piece of trash that lives off disability checks and runs from man to man when needed. She couldn't give 2 shits about her children and if the scenerio were different..maybe..just maybe there could be call for her to have my DH's number. She abused it and therefore she does not have access to him and it's killing her. She tries to give messages thru the kids to him..and even went as far as to have her daughter's ex boyfriend call my husband to give him messages. My DH ignores pretty much all of them but yet some days has given me the impression that there might be a day he may need to talk to her.
Fine...as long as there is a VALID reason..and it's to do with the kids. That is fine with me and it had better be about the kids..but being that they are both adults..I have no idea what it would be about. My daughter is 19 and I haven't spoken to her father in years..she is capable of handling a cell phone to speak to him and I'm sure by now he knows fluent English so we're good there.
I'm just sick of hearing the BM's cries to be heard. It's childish and so overdone. And it's nothing to do with reality..so much drama.
Hi all, I haven't posted in a
Hi all,
I haven't posted in a couple of years. Aug 5th will make 4 years and ground is still shaky!
In response to the post, I also assumed that all contact with ex will stop when kids were old enough to make their own plans, yet, the ex will still call my DH's cell phone when he is at work with bogus excuses and the call will last 25 minutes!! I think she used the "I need a copy of the insurance card" ten times already since we've been married! I hit the rooof when I found out she didn't call my DH when his oldest daughter went to jail the most recent time, BUT, called him only hours after her own father died and gave him all the details! (That made no sense to me whatsoever. I guess she still considers him her friend.) I told my husband NO MORE....do not answer your cell when she calls...if she wants you she can leave a message and he can call her back from our home phone.
PS And I got told I overstepped my boundaries when I finally ordered my two stepkids - aged 18 and 20 --- their own insurance cards. I think they should be old enough now to keep their own cards in their own wallet. If the ex calls again with that lame excuse I will take matters into my own hands.
Frustrated with step life beyond belief.