What? Huh?
Okay so my issue at hand will sound totally absurd right now. Where do I began?
Okay, here it goes: It's 12 in the afternoon and me & my fiance were sound asleep, peacefully, in our bed and suddenly we hear a overgrown whine outside our door. It's his ex's daughter (previous relationship, NOT HIS mind you) whining like a little kid at our door (yes, literally whining) for money I assumed. She's 24 and is his BS sister from another mother (confusing I know) no blood relation whatsoever to him. Got it? I hope you do because there's more: He gets up from his sleep, with the quickness, to feed into her bratty like whine. I texted my sister to tell her what happened and she had a theory on her own (that he was intimate with her some kind of way) and I denied that adamantly. So the girl leaves, and he comes back in the room to lay next to me. I kind of gave him a cold shoulder but quickly let it go and went to my mother's house to talk to my sis in person to vent. I left my phone at his house and guess what? He read our conversation and got irate with me because I told my sister , in his words "what goes on in this house". Then he gets angry at me and because of what my sister said and what he thinks I should have said to her (like yell or scream at her blah blah blah; which I kind of did but not like how he would have wanted me to). Now, I understand he's mad at that but, I denied it to her in text & in person. Why is he so mad at me? I can't vent to him about female issues like that. At least I thought sisters and friends were for that kind of stuff. Help me understand his side, if he's in the right. I'm sorry if this is like I'm rambling but I'm upset. Help!
Oh? You didn't know? We are
Oh? You didn't know? We are supposed to keep our mouths shut and NEVER vent to our family or friends...step rule #1 "What happens in this house stays in this house..."
Too bad THEY didn't get the memo that they are impossible to talk to and never see anything wrong with anyone else does but us!! :?
Geez! I know! I mean I'm
Geez! I know! I mean I'm supposed to keep this all bottled in and then one day snap? I'll keep this memo in mind. *shrugs* lol
Believe me I UNDERSTAND
Believe me I UNDERSTAND totally about venting. We need it. Yes you would think that BFF's and sister, mom's, etc...should be the people we can vent to, Right? WRONG!
The most dangerous thing is vent to your family. You can actually do more damage to the realtionships involved doing that. I would highly advise you to stop.
Your sister could have gave that suggestion back to you (the intimate remark) cause she is tired of hearing about the situation. Have you ever gave a "out there" response in hopes that by doing so the person would stop venting to you? Or maybe your sister really believes that, I dunno. Either way, I think she is tired of hearing it.
It's a very sticky thing to
It's a very sticky thing to vent to people who know you guys personally.
As someone above stated your sister may just be sick of hearing about or want you to find someone without kids and made that comment. I have personally had to deal with that and it truly puts you in between a rock and a hard place.
As for letting him give her money you are showing him it is okay to appease her. I would discuss this.
My advice on venting is keep it anonymous - I personally a able to talk to SO about most and he knows I have a close friend who I discuss what BM is doing to bother me with, but he knows this girl will remind me of the best and he can pick up my phone at anytime. This is not normal though so honestly I'd leave it to the site if you need to vent.
It's a very sticky thing to
It's a very sticky thing to vent to people who know you guys personally.
As someone above stated your sister may just be sick of hearing about or want you to find someone without kids and made that comment. I have personally had to deal with that and it truly puts you in between a rock and a hard place.
As for letting him give her money you are showing him it is okay to appease her. I would discuss this.
My advice on venting is keep it anonymous - I personally a able to talk to SO about most and he knows I have a close friend who I discuss what BM is doing to bother me with, but he knows this girl will remind me of the best and he can pick up my phone at anytime. This is not normal though so honestly I'd leave it to the site if you need to vent.
I think it depends where you
I think it depends where you are in the relationship. If you are overall happy, and are just minorly irritated by this stuff, then yeah, you should keep this to yourself. Im sure you wouldn't want all the weird stuff you do repeated to all HIS friends.
But if you want a reality check if this is normal behavior, I think it's ok to ask (sometimes abusive men do crazy things, but they tell you all the time YOU are the crazy one so you start to believe it.)
I also think it's ok to vent if you feel "stuck" in this relationship and it's driving you crazy (i.e. don't have enough money to move out, spouse is disabled and you feel obligated to care for him, etc)
But I do think constantly venting about your spouse to friends is probably going to damage the relationship....it's just you may get to the point where it is a good thing (in case of abuse) or the only way you can stay sane (if you are stuck in the relationship.)
I also don't agree your husband should have snooped on your phone, but now that you know he does, if you do anything like that again, you need to delete all your message (or in case of steptalk, delete your browser history.)
I have no problem with the
I have no problem with the venting to a sister or friend. I do it with my girlfriends all the time. If I didn't I am pretty confident, you would see me on the evening news for running SD and BM over with my car....
Vent away, I would have issues with him reading my phone...That says volumes about lack of trust. Also, this kid is not his and he is upset because you bitched...Hello, he is lucky that is all you did. I would have been at the front door screaming at them for not calling first....