What do you do when they disrespect your DH?
BM and SD disrespected my husband. BM basically told DH that his input did not matter. She kept SD out of school today and when he called to find out why she didn't go to school the BM said it was her decision. She kept her out because of her period. She was on period last week the same time I was so I knew it was a lie. Well just a few seconds ago the std posted pictures of herself with her friends and boyfriend at home coming dance with hair all curled, nails, fancy dress. She kept her out of school to get her all dressed and prepared for that middle school dance. He specifically told st that we bent over backwards to get what she needed for that school she attends because her BM wanted to pull her out and do home school. Her sister dropped out. She is a spoiled intitiled little brat! And her BM I guess is living through her daughters and acts like their best friends. I'm very angry they disrespected my husband and lied. Why even lie about it. I hope BM goes to jail for not sending daughter to school. There's no telling how many days she missed already. We know for a fact 3 already. I myself shouldn't even care. I guess I'm just ticked because I've went out of the way buying her expensive things to try to get her along the way. BM let her teeth rot so I stepped up and got her dental appointments and took her to every one until they were all fixed and then I pushed DH to get braces to fix the teeth and made all her appointments. Anyway I'm frustrated and just going on. I'm just upset at the whole ordeal.
I get annoyed when BM
I get annoyed when BM disrespects DH, but I don't try to do anything about it, anymore.
In my case, BM is always looking to pick fights with DH or trying to make him look bad. She acts as if her opinion is the only one that matters. It's not really worth complaining to her because she never thinks she's doing anything wrong.
If DH ever expresses any concerns about his children, she tells him he's only saying those things to make her look bad.
I don't really have any time or space in my life for that kind of crazy, so I basically just ignore BM. It's taken me a while to get to that place, but I feel much happier ignoring her and all she does than I do when I waste any mental energy on her slights.
'In my case, BM is always
'In my case, BM is always looking to pick fights with DH or trying to make him look bad. She acts as if her opinion is the only one that matters. It's not really worth complaining to her because she never thinks she's doing anything wrong'
'If DH ever expresses any concerns about his children, she tells him he's only saying those things to make her look bad'
StrugglingSM - do we have the same BM??? must be, that's exactly how our BM is. I have had to ignore her and DH has to deal with her when it is necessary.
The law does not apply to her but her Lawyer is the' best in the country' (her quote).
Based on the quote from your
Based on the quote from your BM about the law, I'd say there's a strong possibility that we do have the same BM.
BM makes it her life's
BM makes it her life's mission to disrespect DH. The list is long and lengthy. I don't like how she involves SS12 and SS15 on her mission. It's hurtful to DH. Sadly, I have stopped fighting that battle with and for him. She isn't a logical thinking person and it's not going to stop. However, the only thing I can control is how she treats me. It's just sad because she never considers doing the right thing for the betterment of her children.
The girl was off school on
The girl was off school on BMs time. All you can do is document it. And it really isn't SDs fault she is being brought up like this. I mean to get along with her mother she just does what BM wants. At the moment it is missing school and being Mommy's bestie. Wait until Mommy wants to be involved with all her friends.
Consider the dental appts etc as a gift for her future, Done and dusted. BM is on the hook for everything else. Like a car and college etc.
When SD shows her snotty little face DH should sit her down and say "Look, you lied to me last week. You had your period the week before and if you were still bleeding you would be anemic and in hospital. It is very obvious from social media you were getting ready for homecoming. When you are looking for a job in the future and your future boss asks you the highlight of your time in school how do you think 'I skipped school to get my hair done for middle school homecoming' is going to sound? Now what happens on your mothers time is just that. Her responsibility. And she faces the consequences for her actions and choices like we all do. Do you think the school doesn't keep records?"
Very good point. And idk what
Very good point. And idk what kind of middle school SD attends but getting her hair done with an expensive dress? Psh. I didn't even go to my senior prom and spent $30 on my junior prom outfit. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Oh these parents are
Oh these parents are something else. I see them taking pre home coming pictures with their little boy date, all decked out. The dresses are very expensive and I know because I see them on resale Facebook. They wear the dress and have pictures at a big place all glamorous and resale the dress saying dress 250.00 but paid 350.00..some crap like that. There's some dresses asking 200.00 and paid 300.00. Its ridiculous. They are trying to be mini adults. I remember seeing people back in my day go to prom in a limo because their parents spoiled them. They are backwood rednecks with dead end jobs now with several baby daddies. Just now I saw the little girl post on Facebook that she is with some little boy spending the day with, at 14..she just had her bday. It's with a boy my husband wouldn't approve of..it's kinda like rubbing it all in his face. Next week st is gonna try to be all innocent talking about BM on how sorry she is or how they are getting their car repo'd. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen.
There are 1000 better uses
There are 1000 better uses for $300 and it's not a middle school dance dress! What is middle school homecoming anyway?? I'm not from the "backwoods" so maybe I don't understand. And BM is paying this over a car payment? Unreal! As for the boys.. hope SD is on birth control.
"You had your period the week
"You had your period the week before and if you were still bleeding you would be anemic and in hospital."
DH should play along and take her to the doctor STAT and tell the receptionist, nurse, and doctor, very loudly his daughter has been on her period for 2 weeks! Oh the mortification...
We have had this from day one
We have had this from day one with BM and even worse and sadly, although I hate it there is NOTHING I can do about it. Frustrating.
Sometimes her mom will be
Sometimes her mom will be silent and I think everything's ok then the school rings DH phone saying she missed school. He registered at her school as a parent to retrieve grades and attendance on his daughter and they hate it. BM went to the school and somehow how had his user name and password changed but I guess she didn't change his phone number. I guess she gonna do that next. She told him she has been the girls mother for 14 years and she knows what's best for her daughter and she has the custody so it was her decision. She more less told him to go to hell in her words. We don't want the little girl to grow up backwoods and call for us for help all the time. That would suck!
Our BM is the exact same. She
Our BM is the exact same. She needs control over all of SD's records and appointments because "mother knows best".
SweetMom you learn to EXPECT
SweetMom you learn to EXPECT it.
Once you realize your husbands ex will do what ever she wants, when she wants, when the child is with her---the quicker you will begin to reset your home and life with dh. Set your own home boundaries.
Your husband has zero control inside BM's house. AND BM has zero control in your home unless you give it to her. IF she doesn't want to send the child so school. So be it. She will answer to the school IF she over does it. Put the Principle on notice and they will deal with her. Every time you are aware of truancy, contact the Principle or his/her assistant. Note your objections and move on.
Your husband will do the very best that he can when he has his daughter.
Research low contact AND parallel parenting. In otherwords.....do what you can do when you have the child. Send her back to her moms with what YOU expect of the child, study hard, be kind to others, don't steal etc.
When dh is able go back into court for a more fair and balanced custody arrangement. More and More states are going for 50 50 custody. That is what is best for all kids where abuse is NOT factually documented. Not heresy but charges with criminal prosecution.
IF mom objects it is because she does not want to give up her child support. If she tells you the child objects to 50 50 custody don't believe it, it is all bm's doing.
You must must let go of what mom does inside her home. IF you suspect child abuse, drug use and or neglect, please report to police.
Call the school and complain.
Call the school and complain. Approach the school board and ask why it is their policy to allow students to attend evening activities when they did not attend school on that day. A 'sick' kid is a 'sick' kid, right?
Our district's policy is that if a student does not attend school they can not attend any evening activity on that day that is school sponsored. It won't change the disrespect of SD/SM lying to Dad, but it might put a stop of future stunts, not just for your child but for all students.
Kids here have to show student id to get in sport games and evening activities. The gate/door has a list of students who were reported absent for the day. No school, no event. Yes, I know it's on the parent in your case, but I do believe it is also the school's responsibility to set certain behavior expectations for the student. Why would they reward a student with a fancy date dance night event for either being truly too sick to attend school that day or for playing 'sick' and being hooky? Is this a public school supported by tax payer funds? If so, even more so why the school has some responsibility to assuring students attend and receive the education meant to be provided. School dances and football games are fun, sure, but neither should take importance of the main goal and 'job' of the school, which is educating students.
As to BM and the SD. Sure, BM gets to call the shots on whether or not SD is 'sick' and she gets to set the priority of whether skipping school and instead getting all beautified or attending school is going to happen. BM has custody and it's on her time. But if you are genuinely concerned about dances taking center stage with missing school to enable it, then advocate against the mixed message this school is sending to their students. Being pretty for a dance is not more important than attending the class during the school day is.
There's not much Dad can do about BM/SD's attitude , but he sure can make some noise at the school about the school promoting the action. If he can't change the SD/SM he can attempt to change school's policies on it.
SD gets what she "needs", not
SD gets what she "needs", not everything she "wants". When you fixed her teeth, that was a "need". Expensive clothes and other gifts are "wants". DH should do what is necessary; sounds like BM has most of the custody. If DH is concerned about SD's welfare, he should speak with his attorney about the issues.
You have no control over BM and what she does. Let DH handle it and you will only cause yourself grief if you get involved. Support your DH on the SD's "needs".
If your DH is being disrespected, that's because he is allowing BM and DD to do so. I did this for years with my DH and grown SD. Now I demand respect; if they don't like it, too bad.
You try to control the situation and you will only be the bad SM; you will be any way, so just move forward without the stress.
Supporting your DH is in your control.