Well the weekend went like this
SS16 now has a part time job-which is great! He is doing more out of the house and not able to play video games 24/7 as his father lets him.
The bad news is DH-who wipes this kid's butt at every turn! Several months ago we made a few basic "house rules"-you know the ones-bedtime is at a certain time-extended for weekends-take a shower every second day-clean your room once a month (i.e. vaccum, change sheets)-pick up after yourself in the common living areas(that is a joke!)make your own lunch for school- his family chores are to shovel the driveway in winter, mow the grass in spring/summer and feed the dogs dinner -for this he gets $20.00 per week(he only feeds the dog when his father is home-when DH works evenings-I have to tell SS16 to do this)-Every second weekend he has to arrange visitation with his BM and that is like pulling teeth both ways-I want to give up on this one!
This weekend SS16 was at BM for Sunday (he worked Fri/Sat two 4 hr shifts) his job (that his father got him) called DH (they said they did not have SS cell)to see if SS wanted an extra shift-Lazy SS of course did not-SO DH CALLS SS BOSS BACK TO SAY SS IS UNAVAILABLE AS SS WAS UNCOMFORTABLE SAYING NO TO HIS BOSS!
That started the whole thing for me-It really isn't SS it is his Dad-who I have to chase EVERYDAY to get him to enforce the basic house rules-I have given up on this kid picking up after himself I just shove his mess from the common living areas in a box and he has to sort things out-or once a month I get DH to shovel out his son't mess-last night SS16 makes his lunch-DH says-there is ham in the fridge for your sandwich -SS16 replies-is it sliced? DH says no you have to slice it yourself (insert BIG sigh from SS here)-30 minutes later when SS is done-I go into the kitchen to get a cup of tea and the rest of the bread loaf is all over the counter OPEN -gee no one else in the house may want to use some of the bread that will dry out!
DH is pouting today because I told him HE is not supporting me when I have to chase HIM around to get him to get his lazy butt son to comply with a few rules-DH insists he does not "guilt parent"-this kid cannot think for himself and "consults" dad on everything-"Dad how much dinner should I take?" -he won't even decide his OWN portion of food-drives me absolutely bananas!
Anyone else deal with this?
I did
SD18 is the laziest young woman I've ever met. She was incapable of picking up after herself. Made the most downright nasiest messes. DH noticed that she smelled and told her she needs to shower every day. Unbelievable! When I was her age I showered twice a day. I would have been mortified if my dad had to tell me (repeatedly) about personal hygeine!
Like your SS, dear dad dotes on her. He also got her a job, which she continues to call in sick whenever she has an ache or pain. She'd rather do without money or mooch off of her dad. Now that she is on her own, I'll be interested to see if she continues to slack off as she'll need to pay her bills.
Just think, in only 2 more years you can get him out of your home!
SD has moved out! Happy days are here again!!
Two Years Less Three Months
But who is counting!
I will not be able to pry SS16 off of Daddy's leg-sooo my plan is to move to an unsuitable location for SS16-who will then be either forced to live with his BM or Stepsister (from his BM's 1st marriage)-
DH may be a bit hard to convince to move but I will get around that!
This job that SS has takes far too much time away from his precious gaming-wonder how long that will last?
Glad your time is over-can't wait for mine!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
LOL! We think alike...
Even though SD18 has moved out (with a not so gentle push from me), I am trying to talk DH into "downsizing". In other words, finding a 2 BR + office set up since it's just the two of us now. The 2nd BR will be a guest room, specifically set up for short-term guest. There will not be a room for her.
Even better, DH likes this idea!
SD has moved out! Happy days are here again!!
Endora, I hope you are right
with your "two years and counting" plan...
because at this rate, I can see it now...your DH is going to have 1000+ reasons why his "Precious 'Little, Helpless' " Zipster just can't move out at 18 because he's just not ready to make it out there in the big, bad, scary world- not even living with his Stepsister.
You just better start working on that plan AND NOW, sister. Something tells me you're going to need all the time you can to implement pushing him out the door!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Thinking the same thing
The good news is (looking at the worst case scenario)-we will not be able to afford this big house in about 4 years when it is up for renewal (I know two years more than 18-but what can you do!) -(it was bought so Zippy could have what he had before Daddy remarried and he would not be too traumatized by "the move")
You are so right 5Teens -going to have to make the finances look bleak and a "downsizing" to the country somehow in the offing......
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Not delusional
Record keeping lazy-I do the day to day finances
I can pretty much predict we will need to downsize beginning when Zip is 18 and will not be able to buy anything where Zip wants-Boo Hoo-he will have to grin and bear it out in the country or move in with BM or Stepsister if he wants to stay in town-
IF he does come with us he will not have a fully finished rec room to himself and a fully techno decked out bedroom (no internet access in the country)-maybe a closet sized bedroom and LOTS of country side and fresh air! (I call him Burka Boy as he avoids the outdoors like the plague and even in summer dresses in black hoodies and black jeans!)
His Dad had a successful horse rescue/ goat farm back in the late 80's/early 90's and is bound and determined to go back to the country when the Zip finishes high school -Zip has NEVER lived in the country-so THAT will be interesting!!!! Wonder if DH will renege on HIS dreams for Zip-lets take a pole!! -of course I love the country especially if Zip is NOT into it!
The very least SS will be uncomfortable with our DOWNSIZING plans that is for sure! Stay Tuned for Episode 2 in 20 months of Green Acres!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Hopefully
BF gets the most pressing work done! I really would not mind living in the country around here there are some beautiful villages with stores, hospital etc. closer than where we are now-
That is great that you are 10 minutes north of a city-I would like something like that-
My only concern is if Zippy makes waves-Dad will waver on HIS personal dreams-like I keep telling DH-you do not live forever and you have given this kid the best years of your life (DH ended a promising relationship several years ago for Zip) and lots of self sacrifice-DH may end up resenting Zip if he has to keep deferring his personal life....
Does he honestly believe Zippy will be holding his hand by the fire in DH's golden years-he will be lucky if Zip even remembers his name the way he has been raised.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
AWW But
You need to have your compete vision (think Girhippo!)-SS looks like a cross between a camel and a moose-moosamel?? camoose? with acne and a beard-oh just "the awkward years" I am sure-I keep hearing what a rip snorting handsome piece of manhood he is shaping up to be! PULEEZE
Thing is SS is well aware of his behavior and plays dad like a fiddle!
Mental Clorox -love that!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
stepson is out but for how long
yikes, I know too even though we threw narcassistic boy out the door, it could be just a matter of time before he comes back and throws a show for his dear old dad. we too are looking to down size and move somewhere LESS convienent unfortunately the economy has gotten in the way.
I hope zippy stays gone...
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
YEP
The old boomerang kid-
Sounds like our SS's have their Dad's firmly wrapped around their little fingers!
I think downsizing and living somewhere less convenient would help snip the old umbilical cord between DH and SS....
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
One hump/palmate antlered ungaltes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camel
The dromedary-see the look of entitlement on that camel?
Then (from BM's side of the family)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moose
Notice the palmate type antlers of the male moose
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Pretty much
It is the look of entitlement on the camel that is most reminicent.....
Knock yourselves out girls!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
SS will do only what he is asked specifically to do.
I am not sure when the grey matter function kicks in with kids these days. My own SS will sit on his ass until he is specifically asked to do something. Even then he will only go as far as getting something out of site when asked to clean.
Rags: Clean the kitchen please.
SS: Ignore Dad until he or Mom get aggravated then go to the kitchen and move stuff around so it looks like you did something then go sit on the crapper for 20mins and hope that someone asks you to do something else so you don't have to go finish the first thing you were asked to do then walk from the crapper in the general direction of the kitchen and stop mid stride to gaze blankly at the TV/feign interest in a telephone conversation that Mom/Dad may be having, feign interest in a 1:1 conversation between Mom/Dad, start moving quickly when you notice either Mom or Dad starting to grimace in you direction, clink a few dishes around in the kitchen then leave the sink running and go stand around the corner from the TV/conversation listening to whatever is going on elsewhere, jump when Mom/Dad walk around the corner to check on your then start stammering about how you are working on it then get jacked up by Mom/Dad about how it can not possible take 2hrs to clean the kitchen unless you are actually not doing anything then you get totally offended because Mom/Dad hit the nail on the head but you can't possible admit it so you start slamming cabinet doors as you progress in your efforts to convince Mom/Dad that you really are doing something when it fact you are not doing a damned thing, then you stop drop and roll when Mom?Dad angry and rip you a new asshole, and lead you by the collar from the sink to cabinet to shuttle dishes to their proper place, from the sink to the dishwasher to load the machine, from the closet to pick up the broom to sweep the kitchen, then when Mom/Dad ask in a very loud voice "can you finish the rest of this job with out my hand at the back of your neck motivating you to make progress" you say yes and actually make progress then go to bed and Mom/Dad walk in to check the job and determine that you did everything ........ except wipe off the counters which was your lame effort to exert your will on Mom/Dad who promptly drag your worthless butt out of bed at 12:15 AM to actually finish the job.
If I had pulled that kind of crap with Mom/Pop Rags I would not have lived to adulthood.
Fortunately, he is getting better and will actually do MOST of what he is asked without being re-asked. There is hope that he will figure out how to stay focused before he is off of the Mom and Dad gravy train.
So, I feel your blended family pain.
Good luck and best regards,
Sounds like our house
Except DH will NOT so much as raise his voice to SS16-IF on the off chance DH does attempt to discipline SS -he APOLOGIZES for any inconvenience to Zippy!
SS could have been University material, however his BP's accept and commend the bare minimum effort from this young man -SS has a very logical, scientific mind-however he has been babied, coddled and undisciplined for 16 years -two years ago he still sucked his thumb, had a "pillow" and blanket! He STILL has "the pillow"-though not in public now! DH has him at the 12 year old emotional level and realizes on the peripheral that this was NOT good parenting (keeping your kid an infant!)-
DH and I only disagree on Zippy, otherwise all is good-my DH is an educated, personable successful business man-but when it comes to his son-he turns into a blubbering marshmallow who seeks only to please and get this kid's approval!
Our latest problem is consequences-Zip waits until the last minute to comply with DH's requests -then DH gets frustrated-so I suggested "consequences" for Zippy's actions -(i.e.-stall your task for 10 minutes no XBox for ten minutes)--DH's eyes bulged out and he said this-seriously!
DH-"Zippy does not respond to consequences, I have tried that-he is "special" and consequences do not work for him.
Me -(thinking not saying-yeah,SS is "special" alright consequences do not work because Zip has never had consistent follow through parenting!)
This kid is smart! He does the following around his Dad and smirks at me
Passive Aggression
Learned Helplessness
Pity Party
Play Dumb
Procratination
Dad falls for all of this all the time.
I have raised two wild young men on my own-who drove me up the wall -however they had consequences for their actions -follow up and follow through-I was exhausted but HAD to do this-I am not Mother of the Year-and have made some doozy parenting mistakes but Zippy's parenting (if you can call it that) takes the cake for me!
I came on the scene to late to do anything but support DH and be myself around SS16 (I am not his favourite person!)-It is very hard to watch.
Thanks for your thoughts and insights-sounds like you and DW are on the same page!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
I'm in the same position
SS13 is exactly the same. All he wants to do is play his Xbox 360 and his chores arn't chores it basically picking up after himself and he can't even seem to handle that.
I'm at my wits end to.
This year I decided that if BF and BM don't give a shit then neither will I.
I feel your frustration Endora.
Hard to Watch
That is for sure. I do not know what the answer is but I have to let the chips fall where they may and like Crayon-look after myself and our marriage -hoping SS grows up at some point and moves on.
I tell DH that Zippy will not be around in his golden years-and would he really want to be holding hands by the fire with the Wonderful Mr. Zippy-even if he could? I think that hit home for him.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!