Wanting a break from your step children
How do you approach wanting a break from your step children with your other half?
My partner has 2 girls and the arrangement with BM is they stay with us every other weekend. Since we returned off holiday 6 weeks ago, we’ve had them every weekend and my partner even had them extra over the bank holiday here in the UK.
This coming weekend is supposed to be our first weekend without them, we had plans to go away for the weekend and this morning he’s messaged to say he’s missing his kids (they went home last night) and wants them again this weekend, I told him we have plans this weekend & I’d prefer if we didn’t as we haven’t had a free weekend since coming back off holiday and I’d like a weekend to ourselves.
This has totally turned into a huge argument for no reason. I understand they’re his children but I have no kids, I work extremely hard, with COVID I’m stuck working from home full time in the same 4 walls... sometimes I just want a weekend to myself. Am I selfish? Am I wrong to say I’d like a break?
His comment in his response upset me as he said “You don’t have to wake up with them and do anything so therefore every weekend is your weekend”... yet all weekend its me doing the cooking, cleaning, cleaning up after them, participating in all their activities, I make sure all their clothes are washed to go back their mums as well as picking up their washing from here and getting my home back in one piece.
I feel like I’m in the wrong for wanting a weekend break when we have them more than agreed anyway (BM will take any opportunity to palm them off) and made to feel like I dislike the children and have something against them being here when that’s not the case.
Go away for the entire
Go away for the entire weekend and do something that YOU enjoy. Hiking? Cycling? Whatever you fancy. And leave the bugger to take care of his own damn kids.
Besides that, stop doing ANYTHING for them. No more washing and cleaning and cooking and playing with them (you MUST have a good book that you haven't had time to read yet or a DVD that you want to watch). He wants his kids there? He thinks you do nothing the whole time? Well, give him a taste of what "doing nothing" actually is in the real world. Any time he makes a remark, quote him "you said I didn't have to do anything with them because every weekend is my weekend."
Bottom line is that he's their father therefore they are his responsibility.
No, you aren't wrong, he made
No, you aren't wrong, he made plans with you then changed them for no good reason. Can you find a friend to go away with you, or go by yourself? If not, don't do all the stuff you listed above so he can see just how much you do for them, since clearly he takes it for granted.
You shouldn't have to
You shouldn't have to rearrange your plans for someone else's children. Go away for the weekend. Visit family, go to a spa, spend time with friends. Like you said, you work hard you deserve a break.
Stop doing anything for them
Stop doing anything for them when they come over. They want dinner? Dad-o needs to cook and clean for his precious angels that he thinks are zero work.
Take a break, go away
On your own or with a friend. He will or won't get the message but just live your life. If he ignores your wants and needs over the skids just forge your own path
Welcome to the site!
You are not wrong and not selfish for wanting some couple time. If your partner can't see this then he is being a complete smeg head. In future, disengage when they come over, and give him a taste of what it's like when you are chief cook and bottle washer for everyone.
Can you go away as planned by
Can you go away as planned by yourself, or take a friend in his place?
Bet his kid time won't be nearly such carefree fun, when his housekeeper isn't doing the drudge work for him.
No you deserve a break and if
No you deserve a break and if your DH is missing his kids and wants more time with them, then let him. Go stay at a local B&B for the weekend and enjoy some you time. I'm sure your DH will love having the house all to himself and getting all that alone time with his kids. The one caveat to this is ask him to make sure the house is clean and the pantry is well stocked when you return on Monday.
The direct approach.
Of course.
"I need a break. Going forward the visitation schedule will be adhered to. EOWE is the schedule. Those weekends are our time with the girls. The intermediate weekends are our weekends dedicated to us, our relationship, and is our time together. If you ever have any thought about deviating from the COd visitation schedule I will be informed no less than one month ahead of that change and we will discuss it. Discussion does not mean approval. If it is acceptable to me I will tell you. If it is not acceptable I will also tell you and my decision is not negotiable."
Lather.......Rinse....... Repeat.
Equity life partners have equal veto rights. There is no overriding a veto as there is no one but the couple involved in the discussion and veto process. "Honey, I would like the girls to come two weekends in a row." "Umm. No."
End of discussion.
I would be really hurt if SO
I would be really hurt if SO and I made plans only for him to cancel them. Can't you two have one weekend alone together and then he'll see his kids the next weekend. If you've had them every weekend for a while now, isn't it time for you to have quality time for the sake of your relationship. And everyone suggesting going alone or with a friend is missing the point that you wanted time with him.