I'm sorry but LOL! Just tell him you don't want your nostrils filled with stench at your own wedding! Dang! ( I can relate- my niece wiped her hands on DH's tux in the church he had to take the jacket w/handprints off for the entire reception)

1. Parent Teacher Conferences: I think this depends on if the parents can tolerate each other and the school. DH, BM, I and BM's BF usually either all attend togeather or alternate conference between her home and ours depending on how sane she's being at the time. Most teachers I don't think really have the time to meet with all divorced or seperated parents individually unless it absolutly necessary.

2. DH and I didn't have his children at our wedding. We had children in the ceremony but not in attendance as it was a very small ceremony and we didn't have children at a seperate reception on a later date. In my case it was easy as he knew BM would completly freak out...and having his kids there would be Hell for everyone. I would just tell him now that you want it small and you don't want kids there. If he wants her at the reception perhaps you could enlist a grandparent or aunt/uncle to care for her at the kids table for an hour or two and then get her out of there.

posted twice - sorry***

It sounds like it might be fine if they go at the same time. If they don’t you might have to worry about getting the who he said she said thing, it is better to be straight forward when it comes to BM's.

As for the wedding it is your day to and you have a right to be happy with no worries. My FDH and I had this conversation about a month ago. We compromised. I agreed that they could attend the wedding, however they are under no circumstances in the ceremony. I don't want them up front, BM tells them to do certain things at certain events and they always do it, for example my birthday they threw cake on me and they said "mommy said it would be funny" I cried for almost an hour, my first birthday I was back from the air force and my entire family was there, I was so hurt (I know they are 4 and 6 but I wanted to kill them) I hate that she uses the girls that way but there is nothing we can do. Also we are NOT going to be responsible for them in ANY way. I talked to my FDH's Father and luckily he loves me and hates BM so he already promised that he was going to take care of the girls all day, no getting them ready, wiping there ass when they go to the bathroom, making sure they eat. The day is all about me and my future husband. Yes I love his girls but I don't want to have a break down at my first and hopefully only wedding. Also BM is not Allowed ANYWHERE near the wedding No dropping the girls off No picking them up, No Texts and No Calling. I told him that I am not signing the marriage certificate until the very end right before we leave and I will refuse to sign if he lets her in on the wedding day in anyway (he better turn his phone off for his sake) I have had too many days ruined because of this insane woman, and I refuse to let her ruin the "best" day of my life. Stand your ground but make it work for the two of you, relationships are a partnership.

I avoided this whole wedding thing by waiting 10yrs before I married my DH...by then, his daughter had treated him so badly, HE didn't even want her there...I also didn't have to worry about ils, because by then, he also didn't want them there. We had a small wedding, but it was great! None of DHs family, or ex, or kid...just OUR friends and MY family, who has always supported our relationship unlike his family.

PS - heck, I think DH enjoyed it so much it could be the reason he now tells me if he dies, don't even call anyone in my family...just yours :?

1. For my situation, yes it would be odd...and was odd when BM wanted to go to parent/teacher conference with DH. They parallel parent, and they don't do ANYTHING together...She sent him a text message telling him when the conference would be...date...time...everything...DH said, thanks, but he had his own conference set up...She text him back asking the time, etc., but he never texted her back...He actually hadn't set up the time yet, because he didn't want the teacher to be put in the middle of it...He went to the school during his lunch break and had it then...We found out later that BM had told the school staff (teachers, vp...principal, etc.) that DH and BM were having "marital" problems and were going through a divorce...She was trying to have some sort of "appearance" to the people at school...When DH was told by the principal when he met her, "Umm...yes we had x,y,z conversation with your wife." DH said he was like, "HUH? My wife wouldn't have come up here for SD without me..." They went round and round and DH was about to call me until he figured out that they were talking about BM...He then busted her out and told them that not ONLY were DH and BM not married, they'd NEVER been married...He said the principals eyes got big and she turned red and said, "OH my...OH..." LOL...

2. I'd plan the wedding late at night...That's what I did. My ceremony started at 6pm and with the reception lasted until like 11pm...PAST THE BED TIME! I didn't want SD to act a fool at my wedding AT ALL...So I planned an adult wedding with NO kids...NONE...and I planned it on the weekend we didn't have SD...She was 4 at the time and KNOWN for acting a fool...DH was upset initially, but he got over it...He knew the problems his daughter had and he knew I'd be pissed FOR LIFE if she ruined my day...