TV-dinner Dad and my struggle with titles
So, a little exposition for those unfamiliar. My SS started calling me Mimi while I was pregnant with my first daughter. I felt uncomfortable with the idea of him calling me by my first name while his sisters called me 'Mommy,' but at the same time, out of respect for his mother I didn't want him calling me 'Mommy' or thinking of me as some sort of 'Mommy' replacement.
Fast forward almost 2 years, and BM marries some dude, who I've nicknamed TV-dinner Dad (just for me) who after only 3 months thought it was not only a good idea to marry a woman with a kid, but also to let this kid, who he's known for only 3 months, call him "Daddy."
Because of the consideration we attempted to show, this was really really annoying. More annoying when DH pointed that out to her, and she said "Well that's different."
Too late to do anything about it now. So here's the thing.
SS has started calling me 'Mommy' every so often, probably because DD22mo does. Not always, but sometimes I think he does it to see if I will correct him, and honestly, because of the bullshit with TV-dinner Dad... I haven't been.
Reasons I haven't corrected him
1) My daughter has called me 'Mimi' a few times to mimic him. I do not respond to her when she does it, to deter it, but it's still kind of annoying.
2) I don't give a flying f*** about BM's feelings about titles anymore because of her blatant disrespect to DH in this matter.
3) Does it send the wrong message to him to have TV-dinner Dad be cool with being 'Daddy' but for me to shut him down?
Reasons maybe I should correct him?
1) I'm not his mother.
2) I do feel a little like I'm lowering myself to her own standards of behavior or lack thereof.
3) This horrible mental picture I have of him asking me later in life why I was okay with him calling me mom, and my future still-vindictive self saying "Well at first I didn't because I didn't want to be an asshole, but they your StepDad showed up ready to save you from your still-involved father and I decided to say 'Fuck your mom!'"
4) Feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment, letting him call me mom and then later dealing with the inevitable gut-wrenching 'You're not my real mom!' crap. It'll happen. Will letting him call me Mom lull me into a false sense of my own importance?
Just looking for some perspective.
I agree, but fighting
I agree, but fighting anything in court is a challenge because they're in another state. And honestly, there's not much to be done about it now. It's done. And just that alone is not enough to get primary physical custody.
So I don't know what the point would be
But again, wouldn't that do
But again, wouldn't that do more damage? SS has had enough ridiculous changes in his life. BM has moved 3 or 4 times in the last year, and just sprung this dude on him. I feel like all of a sudden her begrudginly having to over and over again tell SS, "No you can't call him Daddy anymore," is just going to be bad for SS.
He fully intended on pursuing
He fully intended on pursuing the issue, until I told him that at this point it might hurt SS.
It hurts, but he's the NCP, and he's like... 5 states away.
Hands tied.
As I'm reminded frequently
As I'm reminded frequently here. It could always suck more.
:O
sit down with you ss and talk
sit down with you ss and talk to him. ask him how he feels about this.. maybe it's hard or confusing for him. maybe it's not hard or confusing at all. ask him what he wants to call you. tell him what you'd prefer. Ultimately, I think kids should get to decide what to call people. so he calls someone else mommy or daddy, it doesn't change the role that his parents have in his life. just like calling a crappy mother "mommy" doesn't make her a good mom....
A fair point. Don't know if
A fair point.
Don't know if I'm ready to have that conversation with a 5-year-old though. Getting him to sit would be hard enough!