Turkey Day!! What is everyone doing with there blended familes :-)
Well, I am still waiting to call DCF on BF's ex and her issues and her son's issues. But I have to wait until thing's calm down and I am not the OBVIOUS one!
So, in the meantime I am having Thanksgiving at my house with my immediate family. And BF was really happy about it. Usually he has to work on the holiday's, not to give us any more attention then his other children. Urgh... I put my foot down and said the next holiday he missed I would put the house up for sale and move out of state as I AM DONE WITH HIS CRAP! His son is a juvenile deliquent and his EX is a drunk who lives like she is still in her teens.
BF told me last week that his daughter will be joining us. The EX is taking her son & her BF to a party! So, I'm glad because his daughter is a great kid and we get along great.
Then he tells me today that "BLEEP" might also be joining us. I HATE THIS KID! He is PHYSCO! And BF is like "if he is not welcome, I will just go somewhere else with my two kids for Thanksgiving" or I will move out. HELLO! We have a baby.
So, I told him fine the little SH*T could come over and I will wipe the slate clean but the 1st time he screws up, he is out of the house and BF better stand up for me or he is out of the house too. I asked him if he understood this and he said Yeah! Whatever...
I don't know what to do... I can't afford my house on my own, who can these days 
But BF refuses to show his son TOUGH LOVE! His ex expects him to be her little DO-BOY, run here and there while she doesn't do anything except live like a PIG...
My family can't stand BF's son either so now I have to make Thanksgiving plans.
I'm considering just buying the "FOR SALE" sign today and cutting all losses for the sake of my sanity.
What I don't understand is this: We knew before we moved in, married, or spent years with the same man that they had kids & it was all part of the package. But what about the single mom's who wanted to PARTY, who made the CHOICE to be a SINGLE MOM? Shouldn't they have to re-schedule there life accordingly when they are getting child support every week for after-care, insurance & such?? Wasn't this part of the SINGLE MOM DEAL? It was in my case! And I have done just fine without child support because my Deadbeat EX does nothing, he just paid $500.00 to get his drivers license but that's the 1st check I have seen in over 18 months.. When I have trouble with my son, I deal with it. However the EX just pawns them off on us! It's not fair!
Then his other daughter came down. Had her "DADDY" come up and see her at the EX's house, she said ex was a drunken slob and the house was hideous unlike it was when her daddy lived with her "maybe suggesting he go back?" Not to her mom but to the Ex who has his other 2 kids. I offered to give her some of my old maternity clothes since I have all sizes given to me by friends but she tells her "Daddy" she is not going to wear maternity clothes. But she begged for money a few weeks ago to get some, but refuses some new free stuff... I don't think she is even preggo. She is 20.
Then day two she took BF and his other two kids out to lunch, while BF drove her and his other two kids all over in my truck and saw my baby earlier when boyfriend brought him to the EX's house. Yeah, that didn't go over to well with me.
I asked to meet her several times but she didn't want to meet me and BF couldn't force her. Yet, while I was at work on Monday she came over to MY HOUSE! Sat on my COUCH, played with MY BABY and had a great old time but could she say anything to me... NOT!
Wow, I am just venting. I am really frustrates these days. It shouldn't have to be this hard.
It seems like no matter what I do, they always line up the cards "TO GET THERE WAY" and WIN every time. How do I make like inconvenient for EX? How do I get under her skin, how do I get back at his trailer trash daughter? Urgh...
I'm not sure what to say
I'm not sure what to say julie30. It seems like you are really unhappy. How is your relationship with your boyfriend and how long have you been together? And how old are his kids? How old is your daughter together? I'm sorry I have lots of questions but I really hate to try and give advice without lots of background info.
We had a really great,
We had a really great, awesome relationship until all of this drama with his son which has been going on for the past three years. We've been together 4 years but his son has been doing odd things since we first got together, read my post "Evil Stepson", LOL...
BF is 41 - His kids are (Girl-Age 20 and currently/supposedly pregnant) from previous Marriage, (Son-Age 14-Currently Expelled from school/going to alternate drop out school now and my nightmare), (Daughter-Age 10 - Complete opposite of all his children, she is caring, honest and helpful and does not want to be anything like her BIO mom.
Me age 31 - My child (Son-Age 11 Very popular, outgoing, smart & has been in private school since age 3).
Our's together - Son (Age 9 months).
As for my happiness, not lately. I would rather be a single mom then deal with his EX and son.
Julie (31)
Bio-Children - Son under 1 with BF, Son age 11 from previous relationship.
BF - Son under 1 our's together, Daughter age 20 from prior marriage, son age 14 & daughter age 10 from previous relationship.
I'm not spending Turkey Day
I'm not spending Turkey Day with any of my steps. Since we moved so far away, I don't have to deal with the dreaded annual HOLIDAY VISITATION CRISIS this year. Thank God. This may be the first year in our five years of marriage that we actually get to enjoy the holiday season. Hooray!
I'm sorry that things are so tough for you, Julie. I wish I had some good advice to help you through the holiday. I guess all you can do is just try to enjoy time spent with 9m, 10 and 11, as well as with the rest of your family, and do your best to tolerate the presence of 14 and 20. If they act up, just don't give them the satisfaction of getting a reaction from you. Don't waste your energy on them. The holidays are tough enough as it is!
~ Anne ~
you need to really think
you need to really think about whether you are going to stay w/your BF...it bothers me how he talks/responds to you "whatever." that's not how i would like my husband to speak to me. make that decision first and then count in his children.... can you really be fully happy if you stay w/your BF?
-happy mom
I'm so glad you came here to vent...
Parts of your blog have been my life, so I can relate to your frustration.
1. You feel undervalued, and like you come last in the decision making process for your home. That is not okay, you and bf are equals in deciding who will be in your home on all occassions.
2. You feel overwhelmed by the idea that you can't turn ss around from being a juvenile deliquent/or somehow encourage bm to be a responsible adult in her life, and be a positive role model for her own children.
3. You are mad b/c bm is doing all the partying, while you feel she and her kids are busy planning and executing their ambush's directed at you.
I want you to know, I have totally walked in your shoes before, and this is what I do.
1. It isn't my job to raise dh's son, it's my job to be a supportive wife, and support him being the best dad he can possibly be, in what seems to be an impossible situation. Even though his son is really mean at times, he still deserves unconditional love (and trust me, I'm not the best at giving unconditional love to a step child after I have been hurt..so don't presume I think I'm perfect-this is coming from my head, not my heart). I come here to vent, I vent with my friends, or dh, and push comes to shove, there is still a spot at the dinner table for ss. If you are beyond your limits this year, it is certainly okay for you to put your foot down, and have him go to bm's this year. Just know that Thanksgiving is one day, one meal, is it the worst thing in the world to have a plate for ss? I know he misbehaves, but will it kill you?
2. When my ss misbehaves, lies, or manipulates...I remind myself that he learned those behaviors from someone demonstrating those behvaviors in front of him (i.e. his bm). All I can do is be a positive role model for ss, and hope and pray he reads the handwriting on the wall. I do not overload myself with stress trying to rescue ss. He will be what he wants to be..if it is a lazy person, that is what he will be, and I can't change that.
3. While bm is still living like she is 21, and you are trying to pick up the pieces, you are hearing his daughter tell your bf..."our house use to be clean when you lived here..." and you feel insulted b/c you interpret that as daughter wants daddy back with mommy. Do you blame her? It sounds like she has a horrible mother, and the only person who kept their home stable isn't living there anymore, and she doesn't know what to do...know this...while bm is out in her drunk and stuper, she has missed out on her children's childhood, and how sad is that? How sad is it that she doesn't have any memories of what her kids were like as babies b/c she was too busy getting her drunk on? Instead of feeling anger b/c sd misses the stability of her dad, feel sorry for her b/c she was born unto a terrible mother.
My ss was born unto a partier. She admits she has no memories from what her son was like during certain ages. She is riddled with guilt, and suffers from poor parenting b/c of that guilt.
Your house needs some order, and you need some respect, and your house isn't going to get order, until you get the respect you deserve. I hope you get some counseling for you and bf before you throw in the towel. You owe it to your youngest child to turn over every rock to find a way to fix your relationship before you throw in the towel. SK's really hurt relationships sometimes, but you have to overcome the obstacles they give you to make your marriage work. It sounds like lack of communication and boundary setting. Once those get fixed, it won't be so hard...
My question is..
If these biomoms are really so wicked and crazy, how did the husbands end up with them in the first place. What did they see in them...a leopard doesn't change it's spots so they must have been somewhat like that in their lives with their husbands (now their exs).
I think
my husband was young and stupid when he met biomom. He had just broken up with a previous girlfriend and biomom was a "good listener" I think is what he said. She was a waitress. They had nothing in common and didn't do much together except the obvious!
That's my opinion.
Dawn
hopeful, in my husband's case...
Poor judgment, youth, having unresolved issues of their own that kept them in a “relationship” longer than they should have…i.e. my oldest SD’s mother was poor judgment…he had unprotected sex with someone he had only been dating for a short period of time…my youngest SD’s mother was b/c SHE choose to go off her birth control after having been in an on again off again relationship for three years…SHE made that decision AFTER finding out that my oldest step daughter was on her way (the liaison was during one of their break-ups) and could not let some other women be the mother of his child so SHE CHOOSE to get pregnant…. “why didn’t he use a condom” they had been dating on and off for three years, she was a few years older then him (in her 30’s) and had no children and was on the pill….why did he stay with her for three years…my husband’s father was murdered when my husband was 3 ½ years old…both of her parents had died so he says he “felt sorry for her” and could relate to a lot of the things she was feeling, the anger, resentment etc…the only family she has is a great grandmother and her brother…they both had abandonment issues and so it was out of “pity” that he says he put up with more then he should have (she was verbally abusive to him and at times physically abusive as well) but once their daughter was born he said, “hey, I cannot let my daughter think that life is supposed to be like this” (as a baby she would be screaming at the top of her lungs as they would be arguing) and he left her…he has matured in many ways since then and they girls have been a big reason for that…he never had a dad and wants to be a good one…
Make a GREAT Day!
I think what happened is
my dh judged a book by it's cover. BM use to be extremely pretty, and had unique and attractive features. She use to be jaw dropping...and for the two months that they dated, she put on a good show, and then decided to go off the pill and become pg. She did it with the intentions of getting her meal ticket, and once she became pg, the real bm came out, and that is when he got to know the real person hiding behind the beauty. My dh only let her move into his place simply b/c he didn't want his child growing up w/o a father, like my dh did. He put up with her physcial and verbal abuse during her drunkin stuper for 3 miserable years. When ever I see pictures of him that she took, the misery is just written all over his face. There isn't one picture of him where he expresses happiness, and it just breaks my heart.
I would classify that as poor judgement...
There are some likeable qualities in bm, but she just is so dysfunctional that they cancel each other out
Turkey Day
My husband, stepson and myself will be having Thanksgiving dinner at my brother and sister-in-law's house with my family. Stepson is excited that he gets to go with us this year.
After that, we will go visit with my husband's family.
Dawn
Thanksgiving w/ 21yr ss
Well, it should be interesting with my 21yr old ss and my wife and 10 year old son over at my mom and dad's Thanksgiving. My mom and dad are in their mid 60's and they usually always have everyone over. This year will be a little shaky because of all the crap that's been happening. The last couple years have been tense because of my ss and his girlfriend at the time, now ex-girlfriend. Especially with their baby. My brother and sister in law have been trying to have a baby for years and they can't get pregnant. They both highly resent the fact that my ss at 21 makes a baby out of wedlock and instantly brings a child into the world directly into a broken home situation.
My brother/sister in law have been married for 9 years. He's a doctor, and she is a financial advisor at an insurance company. They make VERY good incomes. After all the crap that's been happening with my ss in the last few months, both my parents and my brother have their reservations of my ss. They basically are cordial and polite to my ss for my sake most of the time. I'm just hoping everything goes over peacefully. Wish me luck