The truth comes out. . .
DH just called to tell me he was on his way to get SS11 (yay, insert sarcastic tone here). I say ok. He said why does your tone of voice change everytime I say I am going to get him or is it just in my head? Soooo, I had to be honest. . .
No dear, it is not in your head, it is me. I am sorry, but it just comes out that way. Maybe it has more to do with BM than SS11, but it just is that way.
Well, it is going to HAVE to change or it is GOING to be a problem. I don't act that way about YOUR kids.
Then I just couldn't stop myself: You can't tell me how I have to feel. Does he sleep in the garage? NO! Don't I cook for him the whole time he is here? His mom sure doesn't. Don't I clean up after him? Yes. Don't tell me how I HAVE to feel. My BS14 lives here full time. So, I am sorry. I have no problem with the girls. But the whining, needy, high maintenance behavior and temper tantrums are driving me insane. The crawling in between us, climbing on you, and using baby talk has to go! I am sorry, but it is not just me. It is perfectly normal for me to feel this way, I even found some "support groups" of other SM's who have let me know I am NOT crazy or horrible. I have to have time to adjust to him, he is not here that often and I am NOT his mother. He has a mother. I am his STEPMOTHER.
OK then, I love you. See you when you get home from work.
We all feel a certain amount
We all feel a certain amount of dread when skids are coming for a visit. I have not ever heard not one StepParent say they are genuinely excited and happy about their Skids coming to visit. Maybe before they have their own with DH they are a little more okay with it so they can show what good Parents they are or will be, but for most part, that's self-serving and not about true happiness to see or deal with the skids. We choose to be deal with it because we fell in love with an Adult who had these kids.
This doesn't mean the kids are all horrible or that we treat them poorly or show any contempt but no one can tell us to be jumping up and down happy to have the kids over. Fact is they are still someone else's kids and most often, we have VERY little influence over molding them. We get relegated to sitters, financial help b/c someone pays support, errand runners, etc. All of the responsibility but none of the authority that comes with Parenting. Often there's little Support from the other Parent too so when you have to set your own tone and command that authority, they bulk you on it and undermine you. It's always a feeling in the air of "you're not the REAL parent so you only get to be involved at the level I choose and you're supposed to be damn happy about it". SIGH.
Glad you were honest with DH and you are so right that he can't tell you how to feel. Beyond the imposition of having to deal with extra kids, when they suck, its that much worse...
Honesty is the best policy.
Honesty is the best policy.
Good for you for shutting
Good for you for shutting down his ridiculous threat!
Tell him the truth but put a
Tell him the truth but put a spin on it like, "I'm having a hard time enjoying the time I spend with YOUR kid (kidding don't say your), and I want to put together a strategy that will help."
"I want this kid to become a great person, and I worry that the baby talk is becoming an issue."
And put your foot down about the sitting in between you. I told my husband that if we want to be seen as the same parental unit then we can't be separated. Now she sits by one of us, but never in between. GIRLFRIEND somethings as his wife are JUST yours don't feel bad about that.
Thanks!! He is 11, but only
Thanks!! He is 11, but only wears 4t's because he is so short (his BM's gene pool). It is even worse when he acts so immature and people in public assume he is 5. So we look like horrible people telling him to act his age. LOL
Oh, and one time SS scowled
Oh, and one time SS scowled at his dad when SO asked me if I wanted to go to the movies. I told SS off, and said yes, SS, we are going to do couple things like adult couples do!