Tired of being looked over

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Feeling extremely unappreciated today. My partner wished me a happy mother's day. However her two (adultish) children didn't say a word. I'm sorry, whose shoulder do you cry on? Who do you go to (daily) when you have a problem? Who makes sure you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach? Who do you wake up to confide in or to get help because you are sick? Yep, that's me, your other MOTHER. Grrr, so bitter today.

yes its hurtful but learn not

yes its hurtful but learn not to expect anything. disengage and you will worry about this less. your partners message should be all that matters.

Being a step parent is the

Being a step parent is the most thankless jobs ever. You'll make a lot of sacrifices and put in a lot of work to make a home for your step kids but not get th acknowledgement or love like a mom because you are not mom. They don't have to treat you like a mom, but I think as long as they have respect for you, it's good enough. It is hard, but learn to emotionally detach yourself when you need to. And just get used to letting things go.

Being a step parent is the

I figure unless people come

I figure unless people come into their stepkids life when the they are actually children, the expectation that you will be thought of as a "mother or father" are fairly slim.

They just don't see you in that capacity. They may see you as your SO's partner and that you might be a cool person to talk to about things.. but they may not really see you in a traditional mother role. They also may worry that their bio mother might feel like her celebration is diminished if you were to be put on equal footing in this holiday.

If these people are generally nice, easy to get along with and you feel like you have a good relationship, I would try adjusting my expectations for this day and move forward without resentment.

Actually in this case, I

Actually in this case, I believe OP is a woman.. but I believe she is partnered with a woman.. so no daddy in the household.

I do think that in this particular case that it's likely that the adultish (ages??) offspring either feel that mother's day should be reserved for their actual mother only, or that despite the good relationship with OP, they don't see her in a mother role as far as they are concerned.

I feel ya. They look to you

I feel ya. They look to you for support as if you are their mother... but they don't appreciate you as if you are. You're their dad's wife... but you're also their caregiver.

I'm not sure they realize you feel unappreciated... if you have a good relationship, maybe talk to them about it?

Be thankful your partner

Be thankful your partner recognized you on mother's day. My DH was in turmoil and asked yesterday afternoon if I thought he should have sent a Mothers Day card to his (newish)step mom. My answer....why should you care if you send your step mother a card when you haven't said a thing to your wife. I was pissed. He felt bad, apologized, then got on Facebook and wished his step mom, me, and his sister a happy mothers day. All in the same post. So not a smart move GRRRRRRR

whose shoulder do you cry on?

whose shoulder do you cry on? Who do you go to (daily) when you have a problem? Who makes sure you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach? Who do you wake up to confide in or to get help because you are sick?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Wow...does thier actual bio mother do anything for them? Maybe they do not look at you like a mother figure. And that is ok.

I never wanted SS to see me as a mother figure. EVER. I really don’t understand why step parents NEED to be recognized as parents to kids that are not theirs.

I would let it go. They obviously get along VERY well with you so I think that would be enough for me. Maybe you are doing too much…? Maybe their own mother needs to really get more involved with her kids and then you won’t have to deal with them as much

I would never expect my skids

I would never expect my skids to acknowledge me on mother's day. They have a bio mother. I am just the hired help to them, and that's fine with me! Detach, detach...how to be happy.

my dh is a hilarious study in

my dh is a hilarious study in insecurity. his a$$ of a father did this to him as a boy, and yet dh worships him. dh is always angry at the world, jealous of other people. inside he hates him self. it took me more than twenty years of marriage to figure this out.

dh really wishes i was like his skids whom he thinks are angels on earth. lol!

i see how he compares me to them esp daughters and i dislike it, but now i just laugh at him. dh is therefore always miserable. i dont massage his ego like his daughters do.

Sugarspice You are not alone

Sugarspice
You are not alone in being compared to the skids by DH. Mine constantly draws comparisons between me and SD who is 22, an international level athlete, and frankly a great person. Sadly, her BM was a skank, but she is like her father.

I by contrast am 59 and although I am slim and exercise regularly, cannot be compared to a 22 year old. And I don't give a toss if I don't measure up. When he makes a snarky insecure comment, I just subtly remind him he's no prize...just a wrinkly old prune really, but the way I do it is tell him to look in the mirror and count his blessings that I don't compare him to my blond handsome 30 yr old son!

lol! dh was making a comment

lol! dh was making a comment about how much i was eating implying i was getting fat. i am no model but i am fit for a woman in myh fifties. i look much younger than my years.

i immediately countered with the fact that i am two dress sizes smaller than his daughter who is in her twenties.

he shut up after that.

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Tired of being looked over