A thought
Today me and my boyfriend were having a heated converstation. What it boils down to is the fact that I tell my boyfriend he is as guilty as his ex-wife for having their daughter in the court system? My boyfriend didn't like that comment from my behalf because, he feels that the one who initiated everything was his ex-wife. I tell my boyfriend that he filed petitions also against her for violations that she did but, he could have tried other options before proceeding to this extent. Honestly, if they really didn't want the child in the court system one of them would have ceased because, in the long term the one affected by it all is the child. My boyfriend doesn't get it and because, he didn't get it I told him I didn't want to have the conversation anymore. I told my boyfriend I guess you have to go through it and time will teach you. My boyfriend doesn't feel he has any blame in how his daughter is in the court system. He wants to place all the blame on his ex don't get me wrong she has lied and that is where she is wrong but, her problem is the fact that if she has a concern she doesn't know how to express it to my boyfriend. She has attempted to use the legal system in the wrong way and that is why it has all backfired on her. Am I wrong for anything I have stated here? Does anyone have an opinion?
Another look...
You are correct in theory. However, theory does not always work in real life. They should have been assigned a Mediator/Parent Coordinator. This has to be done by court order, unless there is a miracle that both agree to get one on their own. If this is a new divorce and they are already at this level (or still are), I am surprised that the Mediator was not ordered by the court, before the child was put into the system. Regarding filing on contempts of court, my H found out that being the one that backs off is not always the best one to be. The BM took that and ran with it, beating him and the kids into a pulp with the legal system. Had he stood his ground, all would have been saved her vengence. So - each case is different. Food for thought - For a child to have been taken from them both, indicates that both were probably actually in contempt (that eye for an eye thing)of court. Since we are living this, all I can advise to you is to be careful about how close you get to it all. It can take a huge toll on your life and emotions. You may want to back out and just be the observer only. Getting involved can mean it taking over your life and you will end up fighting for something that you can actually do nothing about. The best advice you can offer him is to request a Mediator. That will be to his, her and the child's benefit - IF they will learn to use this in place of court and fighting. Otherwise, try to back out - for your own sanity and 'peace of life'.... If you are thinking of marrying this person, be aware that how he handles her will be how he handles you and your children, if you ever divorce. Best of luck and continue to see clearly.
A thought
I was very vague in regards to the situation because, I just wanted to focus on the current situation. Which was wrong of me? I apologize. Basically, my boyfriends ex-wife has physical custody of his daughter and they both share legal custody. My boyfriend and his ex-wife had a parenting plan in place which was brought to a mediator in the beginning and implemented because, at that time they both were on good terms with each other. My boyfriend's ex-wife continuously violated on numerous occassions the parenting plan. My boyfriend took her to court for those situations which the court really did nothing to stop the situations from continuing to occur. The final straw came when my boyfriend's ex-wife had him falsely arrested for phone harrassment. My boyfriend temporarily suspended his visitation with his daughter till they returned to court. At the time they returned to court my boyfriend then requested that a psychological evaluation be performed so, the courts can determine the best interest of the child. So as far a mediator that road has been traveled already. Now in regards to the parent coordinator, the psychologist recommended one be assigned after the custody is determined but, it would be the respnsibility of the ex-wife to pay. The sad part about it is that the child's mother doesn't have the sufficient financial resources to pay for such a thing. Furthermore, even if she did have the resources the child's mother wouldn't even pay for it to be difficult.
As far as being involved and staying on the sidelines to the situation it is too late for that. That is how it was but, ever since the ex-wife started to involve me I became involved in the sitaution. Which I wish I wasn't anymore and I have tried to remove myself from the situation but, I keep being brought back in. Just when I feel I have been forgotten the ex-wife mentions me to the court. Now I am being requested to testify in their custody trial.
If I were to marry my boyfriend I don't worry about it because, if we were to ever get divorce, I tell my boyfriend you have nothing to worry about because, if we had a child together, I wouldn't interfere. I feel a child needs both parents in their life regardless if you are no longer together.
That is how it is with my daughter's father from a previous relationship. My daughter's father has the freedom to see his daughter whenever he wants and he can call her as well. Does my daughter's father choose to take advantage of it that is something he has to live with because, if he chooses to see his daughter or call her is his business.My responsibility is to have our daughter available. When our daughter grows up she can have a conversation with her father and ask him why he choose to not be so involved in her life? That will be his judgement day if it ever happens because, our daughter may not even care.