DP got a text off BM last night saying ss wasn't coming over this weekend as he had been very badly behaved yet again at home. Rather than just leaving it I gave her a ring to see what had happened, turned out ss had attacked his younger sister, screamed shouted/ been abusive and thrown things. I offered to go over with dp and see him and see what the problem was. so we did. When we got there both ss and bm were sat at the table, hands on head. Both me and dp talked to ss for at least half an hour with him being completely ignorant and refusing to speak, eventually we got him to talk a little and apologise to his mother, dp offered for us to go get him today after school IF he behaved himself but wouldnt take him if he didnt behave as hes being good at our house and being a nightmare for his mother.
Both his teacher, his mum, bm's mum and us have figured his behaviour is better at the end of the week when he knows hes coming to his dads, we also all know that bm finds it difficult to stick to punishments and often ends up undermining herself. When I was observing them yesterday ss apologised in a completely snotty way and bm accepted it, then began to pander to him - did he want more tea, did he want to watch tv, etc etc etc.
I also noticed that when dp offered to take him tommorrow ss was smirking, he said to dp but i want to come with you and loops now and dp said no because hed been badly behaved and ss was still smirking away.... I just wondered if people feel (as I do) that the little bugger has got a grip on the fact he can completely manipulate his mum and dad with his behaviour and now that everyones pansying around him (we have all been invesitgating why his behaviour has been so rotten with his mum and at school but good with us) that he feels he can manipulate the lot of us. And what the solution is.

I was completely dissapointed in him yesterday as he lied, was manipulative and sulky/ down right rude and that isnt the child i know, we are both planning on having a conversation with him tomorrow about the boy who cried wolf (saying that all this lying/ screaming/ shouting hes doing will make people ignore him/ fall out with him and when there is real trouble no one will be interested) and also about hitting his sister (his sister is 4 and he is very violent with her. Does anyone have any other suggestions. I personally feel people are being too soft with him and he knows he can get away with anything now and either we will come up, or someone will sit and talk to him softly softly rather than him getting into trouble...

sorry for the long post, at my wits end.