Thanksgiving let down
I'm kinda down today because my boyfriend of one year invited me to thanksgiving dinner w his family which includes his two daughters ages 15 and 12. I have never met his mother yet she lives in another state. When I saw him yesterday he seemed down. It took him awhile but he told me his ex forbid the kids to go to his mothers house if I go. The ex badgered these girls so much that they agreed w BM not to go to their Grammys for dinner if I go. He said that he would have a talk w them. So, I said I don't want to make any waves and I won't go even though I wanted to finally meet his mom. He really didn't seem to upset that I wasn't going to be a part of the holiday. It was like he was relieved that I wasn't going. After a year can't the kids see that I am a part of their dads life? happy Thanksgiving anyway.
I feel for you. I am sitting
I feel for you. I am sitting at home after DH promised me we could do something small at the house as his dad's side of the family is having Thanksgiving with his aunt who verbally attacked me a little over a year ago because she was friends with BM.I felt like if I went it would just be to stressful and I wouldn't be able to leave when I wanted as we would have all rode together. DH says he understood how it would be awkward and told me we would do something here just him, SS and I and it is something we need as we have another family staying with us and there is so stress going on. Last night last minute he told me he was canceling our plans because it wouldn't be fair for SS not to go, and that he hasn't missed a Thanksgiving with them and he didn't want to because of me.
Yes it was my choice to stay but it still sucks, especially when you know we are doing the right thing to avoid conflict.
Why was it made such a big deal that you were going anyways? Why did DH even tell BM? He needs to learn to stand up his girls are old enough that all BM needs to know is major issues and when he is getting them for visitation.
Try maybe tonight or tomorrow when you ask how it went telling him you hated you had to miss it and voice your concerns.
The ex made it a big deal
The ex made it a big deal because she wants them to get back together and he doesn't. She uses the kids any chance she has. BM has brainwashed kids that I am no good. I have never met her. I saw her maybe three times. If he stood up for me then she wouldn't let the kids go. So I just bowed out.
His story sounds odd.
His story sounds odd. Assuming you're around his kids during
his normal visits, why would going to grandma's cause this reaction from BM?
Are you sure he isn't dating someone else?
I am never around the kids.
I am never around the kids. She won't allow it. They have been divorced for four years and she wants hi m back. So no other woman is allowed with the kids. He seems to be ok w this.
Thank you this really did
Thank you this really did help
I'm so very sorry! The
I'm so very sorry! The holidays can be tremendously painful and stressful for us SM's/SO's. The first ones in the beginning of our relationship with SO that brings Skids/FSkids into our lives tend to be the hardest. I've been there myself and it's horrible.
The first Thanksgiving that DH and I had together, we were alone but it hurt so very badly because I was long distance from all my friends and family (I had moved out of state to be with DH) and DH's friends and family had all decided to either purposely not be around me for Thanksgiving (as many saw it as a betrayal to the ex-wife) or spent the day with the ex-wife. His kids hadn't even met me yet because BM did exactly what your SO's kids BM is doing to you, I felt like everyone in the world hated me (all because of the lies and rumors BM had spread about me) an outcast and I felt guilty because DH was basically abandoned by everyone he knew because of me.
DH's brother showed up eventually to drop by and tell DH hi, avoided me the whole time, wouldn't make eye contact, wouldn't even acknowledge me. I was invisible. DH offered his brother some food and he refused, making it clear he was going to eat the ex-wifes house when he left ours. Very shitty day indeed.
Hang in there! It may or may not get better in the future but you can guarantee you'll learn how to handle it better next time and know what to expect ahead of time.
So how did things go today?
So how did things go today?
Five years have passed since
Five years have passed since that first Thanksgiving. Today was just DH, SD19 and myself. I'm still long distance from my family and DH's family is now about 5 hours away. None of them could make it with their busy work schedules and what not, but DH and I spoke to them on the phone and everything was fine. I'm actually close to his brother now (who originally hated me and dissed me) and they're no longer "team ex-wife". They've all seen her for her true colors by now.
When DH spoke to SD16 (who lives with the ex-wife) and asked what their plans were today, SD16 told DH that her BM had to work and was too busy to cook so they had their Thanksgiving a week ago....I call BS on that one. Funny, because before DH called SD16 I made the comment that she's probably going to buy Burger King and call it a day. She's long past the "impress the ex in laws days" lmfao.
We don't live together. I had
We don't live together. I had dinner w my family so I wasn't alone. Everyone here is right just have get the nerve to do what I should have done awhile ago
Thank you lovin, here's an
Thank you lovin, here's an update I got a text at about six thirty saying that he was on his way home. We don't live together. I didn't respond. In the morning I did get a text from him that said Are u mad? This is exactly how I responded. Why? For being excluded once again because u allow ur ex wife to dictate what u can and can't do? I will never b a part of ur life coz she still calls the shots.
he replied back....bullshit U were invited. Had nothing to do with her.U decided not to go. I replied..guess u forgot our conversation where u told me the kids weren't going coz I was and u said ud talk to them. It has EVERYTHING to do w her she trashes me to the kids and they don't want to be around me and u don't defend me. U showed me the horrible texts about me. REMEMBER? It wasn't that I didn't want to go, I did, I told u I didn't want to make waves and make anyone uncomfortable. So I bowed out. U seemed relieved.
Then his reply was ... U get more of my time than anyone. U could of spent the night with me.
I'm all set here. If you go back you can see a couple of other things I posted about this relationship, this bs has gone on for a year. He has made no effort to try to make this right, he is in denial about the way he still feels about the ex. He is stil always there for her, her car won't start, she calls him, he goes, she needs a sitter, he has plans w me, he breaks them and he goes to her home to watch the kids and even cleans the house while he's there(for the kids of course) and so on . I can't do this anymore.
Thank you all
Notice how he points out you
Notice how he points out you could've spent the night with him, completely clueless that this was about getting to meet his mom finally. He is selfish and only concerned with himself, and possibly only his penis. JERK!
THIS is how it starts. look
THIS is how it starts. look through all these posts of stalk. most of them are about the wife being put on the back burner for skids/bm. don't accept it from the beginning and you won't have years of this in front of you. cut this loser loose. he's not available, he already has a family that he'll bend over backwards for. there's not enough room in this man's life for a priority relationship, he has one. find a man that will stand up for you.
She's a freak or he's a
She's a freak or he's a pushover. Run! He will man up quickly or you will